Promoted Gender Roles in Heterosexual Teenage Dating

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! P R OM OT E D G E N D E R R OL E S IN H E T E R OS E X U A L T E E N A G E D A T IN G : 1950s A N D 2000s B Y S C A R L E T T T A Y L OR A T he s is S u b mit t e d t o t he D ivis io n o f S o cial S cie nce s N e w C o lle g e o f Flo rid a in p art ial fu lfillme nt o f t he re q u ire me nt s fo r t he d e g re e B ache lo r o f A rt s U nd e r t he s p o ns o rs hip o f D r. D avid B rain S aras o t a, Flo rid a M ay, 2010

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! ii D e d icat e d t o R ache l, w ho m I ho p e w ill ne ve r re ad S e ve nt e e n

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! iii A ckno w le d g e me nt s I w o u ld like t o t hank D rs K at hryn D u ng y and A my R e id fo r t he ir kind ne s s and s u p p o rt o f b o t h my t he s is and ap p licat io n t o law s cho o l I als o o w e a g re at d e al t o D r. M arib e t h C lark, w ho p ains t aking ly re ad and e d it e d my t he s is mu lt ip le t ime s and p ro vid e d me no t o nly w it h mu ch ne e d e d ad vice b u t als o as many cu p s o f t e a as I co u l d e ve r w ant

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! iv T ab le o f C o nt e nt s 1. Int ro d u ct io n...1 2. 1950s : S t ab le H e t e ro no rmat ivit y..17 3. 2000s : P ro g re s s ive C o nfu s io n..39 4. C o nclu s io ns ..62 B ib lio g rap hy.. S e ve nt e e n B ib lio g rap hy..

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1 Int ro d u ct io n T his t he s is co ns t it u t e s my e xaminat io n o f g e nd e r ro le s in t e e nag e d at ing p ro mo t e d b y lit e rat u re d ire ct e d t o w ard t e e nag e rs M y int e re s t in t he d is t inct io n b e t w e e n male and fe male ru le s d e rive d fro m my final ind e p e nd e nt s t u d y p ro je ct w hic h lo o ke d at s e xu al d o u b le s t and ard s in co nt e mp o rary We s t e rn cu lt u re Fo r my p re s e nt p ro je ct I analyze d t he ad vice g ive n t o t e e nag e rs in t he 1950s and 2000s b y t he au t ho rs o f d at ing g u id e s and S e ve nt e e n mag azine re s p e ct ive ly, lo o king s p e cifically at ho w b o ys and g irls w e re g ive n s e p arat e ru le s and ro le s I t he n co mp are d t his ad vice b e t w e e n t he t w o d e cad e s t o d e t e rmine w hat ins t ru ct io ns have las t e d and w hich have chang e d H o w are p ro mo t e d b e havio rs fo r t e e nag e d at ing g e nd e re d and ho w have t he ro le s cha ng e d b e t w e e n t he 1950s and 2000s ? D e fining d e s irab le g e nd e r ro le s in t his co nt e xt is e s s e nt ially d e t e rmining t he mo s t s o cially acce p t e d d e finit io ns o f mas cu linit y, o r w hat co ns t it u t e s b e ing a man, and fe mininit y, b e ing a w o man. T he s e are favo re d as mu t u ally e xclu s ive o p p o s it e s w it h t he re maind e r o f b e havio r b e ing u ng e nd e re d T he mo s t p e rvas ive mo d e l o f mas cu linit y in A me rican s o cie t y is t he w hit e u p p e r/mid d le clas s he t e ro s e xu al, ag g re s s ive and p o w e rfu l arche t yp e (We ave r H ig ht o w e r 2003), p re s crib e d b y s o cial w hit e s u p re macy, clas s is m, and he t e ro no rmat ivit y. S o cio cu lt u rally

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2 co ns t ru ct e d p re s crip t io ns fo r male d e s irab ilit y fo cu s o n w e alt h and s ymb o ls t he re o f (i.e o w ning a car) (L and is 1960: 267), w hile fe mininit y and fe male s e xu alit y d e fine at t ract ive n e s s and d e s irab ilit y o f a w o man as co nt ing e nt o n he r ap p e arance and e s p e cially, u p o n a t hin b o d y s hap e and lo w b o d y w e ig ht (G e rs ho n, G o w e n e t al. 2004). T his co rre s p o nd s w it h t he e vo lu t io nary t he o ry o f at t ract io n, w hich s t at e s t hat male s are mo re at t rac t e d t o p hys ically at t ract ive fe male s t han le s s at t ract ive o ne s b e cau s e t he y are mo re like ly t o p ro d u ce child re n w ho w ill s u rvive and have t he ir o w n child re n, and fe male s are at t ract e d t o male s w ho d is p lay s ymb o ls o f w e alt h, as t he y s ho w e vid e nce o f b e ing ab le t o p ro vid e fo r o ffs p ring (B u s s and B arne s 1988). T his is ho w e ve r, u nd o u b t e d ly s o cially p e rp e t u at e d b e yo nd t he me re influ e nce o f b io lo g y, as s t and ard s fo r at t ract ive ne s s and w e alt h chang e T e e nag e g e nd e r ro le s in t he co nt e xt o f ro mant ic re lat io ns h ip s are hard ly a p o p u lar t o p ic fo r A me rican acad e mics in t he 1950s o r p o s t 2000. Ve ry fe w s t u d ie s w e re co nd u ct e d in t he s e t ime p e rio d s ab o u t w hat ad o le s ce nt s b e lie ve make s a g o o d d at e ho w t o b e have o n a d at e o r o t he r p art s o f d at ing s crip t s 1950s s t u d ie s ab o u t t e e nag e d at ing fo cu s mu ch mo re he avily o n t he ne w p he no me no n o f g o ing s t e ad y," p art icu larly t he b e havio rs and mo t ivat io ns as s o ciat e d w it h it (C ris t 1953; H e rman 1955; L and is 1960; P o ffe nb e rg e r 1964). P o s t 2000, lit e rat u re ab o u t t e e nag e rs fo cu s e s o n p e e r g ro u p s and d at ing vio le nce I e xp and e d my lit e rat u re re vie w b e yo nd t he s e t w o d e cad e s in o rd e r t o le arn ab o u t t he e nco u rag e me nt o f g e nd e r ro le s in d at ing o r s e xu al t e e nag e rs b y

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3 b o t h p e e rs and me d ia. A lt ho u g h mu ch o f t his lit e rat u re d o e s no t re fe r s p e cifically t o g e nd e r ro le s in d at ing info rmat io n can b e infe rre d fro m it s co ve rag e o f t o p ics like t e e n ro le s in a s e xu al co nt e xt Wo rk b y Jo hn C ris t R o b e rt H e rman, P au l L and is and T ho mas P o ffe nb e rg e r s ho w s t hat d at ing and g o ing s t e ad y in t he 1950s w e re o ft e n a s ymb o l o f s t at u s rat he r t han a w ay t o find a marriag e p art ne r. T e e nag e rs w o u ld o ft e n e ng ag e in d at ing b e cau s e it w as co mmo n and e xp e ct e d o f t he m, and as in t he cas e o f g o ing s t e ad y, fu nct io ne d as s o cial s e cu rit y (o ne w o u ld have a d at e fo r al l imp o rt ant e ve nt s ), rat he r t han re fle ct ing any re al affe ct io n fo r t he ir d at e (C ris t 1953; P o ffe nb e rg e r 1964). T e e nag e rs w ho e ng ag e d in e xclu s ive re lat io ns hip s w e re s e e n as mo re p o p u lar b y t he ir p e e rs t han t ho s e w ho p laye d t he fie ld o r rare ly d at e d (H e rman 1955: 38). A n e xp lanat io n fo r t his fo cu s o n t he me chanics and mo t ivat io ns o f g o ing s t e ad y in 1950s re s e arch co u ld b e t o re as s u re ad u lt s and any p are nt s re ad ing t hat t he p ract ice w as no t u s e d as a p re cu rs o r t o marriag e as it w as s o d ive rg e nt fro m t h e p o p u lar d at ing p ract ice s in t he 1930s and 40s (B aile y 1988; P o ffe nb e rg e r 1964). T he co u p ling o f s o cial ine rt ia w it h crit ical co ns cio u s ne s s and re s is t ance as p re s e nt e d b y E rika S u mme rs E ffle r, o ffe rs an e xp lanat io n fo r w hy d o cu me nt s like S e ve nt e e n mag a zine co nt inu e t o d is s e minat e ad vice t hat ad he re s t o he t e ro no rmat ive s t and ard s t ho s e t hat co nt rib u t e t o t he no rmalizat io n and p rivile g ing o f he t e ro s e xu alit y (K it zing e r 2005) and t he e ns u ing t w o d is t inct g e nd e rs and e xp e ct e d ro le s t he re in, in t he t rad it io n o f 1950s d at ing g u id e s b u t

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4 als o w hy t he y have b e e n ab le t o b e co me mo re p ro g re s s ive in s o me ins t ance s re je ct ing he t e ro no rmat ive s t and ard s S u mme rs E ffle r s p e cifically ap p lie s he r p ro p o s e d t he o ry o f fe minis t re s is t ance (2002: 41) t o t rad it io nal fe male s u b o rd inat io n. In he r e xp lanat io n o f s o cial ine rt ia, S u mme rs E ffle r lo o ks t o R and all C o llins s int e ract io n rit u al t he o ry and N o rb e rt Wile y s mo d e l o f t he s e lf. C o llins s int e ract io n rit u al t he o ry s u s t ains t hat p e o p le are mo t ivat e d t o fe e l as hig h a le ve l o f e nt hu s ias m, p e rs o nal s t re ng t h, s o cial co nne ct e d ne s s and w illing ne s s t o init iat e int e ract io n as t he y can (2002: 42), all o f w hich make u p t he ir e mo t io nal e ne rg y. T his e mo t io nal e ne rg y can b e incre as e d t hro u g h s o lid it ary int e ract io ns o r t ho s e t hat b u ild e ne rg y b y cau s ing g ro u p co he s ive ne s s and b e lo ng ing o r p o w e r int e ract io ns t ho s e in w hich e mo t io nal e ne rg y is t rans fe rre d fro m s o me o ne le s s p o w e rfu l t o s o me o ne mo re p o w e rfu l. P e o p le t e nd t o s e e k o u t t he s o rt s o f int e ract io ns t hat le ave t he m w it h t he m o s t e mo t io nal e ne rg y. In p o w e r int e ract io ns t ho s e w ho have t he mo s t p o w e r, fo r e xamp le in a s o cie t y t hat s u s t ains he t e ro no rmat ivit y, male s g ain t he mo s t e mo t io nal e ne rg y and s o are re lu ct ant t o g ive u p t he ir p o s it io ns (S u mme rs E ffle r 2002). P e o p le cre at e a re fe re nce g ro u p b as e d o n ho w t he y g ain o r lo s e e mo t io nal e ne rg y b y b e ing p art o r no t p art o f s p e cific g ro u p s S u mme rs E ffle r s fo llo w ing e xamp le illu s t rat e s t his in t e rms o f le arning g e nd e r ro le s : If a lit t le g irl is t o ld t hat s he canno t p lay w it h t he b o ys b e cau s e s he is a g irl, o ve r t ime he r chain o f rit u al int e ract io ns may re ve al t hat it is ad vant ag e o u s t o id e nt ify as a g irl and le arn t he s o cial ru le s t hat p e rt ain t o g irls T his id e nt ificat io n can p ro t e ct t he g irl fro m fu t u re e xp e rie nce s o f re je ct io n and hu miliat io n as s o ciat e d w it h no t kno w ing t he s o cial e xp e ct at io ns fo r g irls (2002: 43).

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5 Int e rp e rs o nal int e ract io ns can cau s e a p e rs o n t o b o t h g ain and lo s e e mo t io nal e ne rg y, and t he d e t e rminat io n o f t he o u t co me as p o s it ive o r ne g at ive is w hiche ve r amo u nt is larg e r (S u mme rs E ffle r 2002). T he lit t le g irl in t he e xamp le may lo s e e ne rg y b y no t p art icip at ing in an act ivit y t hat s he e njo ys b u t may g ain e ve n mo re b y b e having w it hin t he g u id e line s o f he r g e nd e r ro le w hich s he has le arne d is favo rab le T o fu rt he r e xp lain s o cial ine rt ia S u mme rs E ffle r e mp lo ys N o rb e rt Wile y s mo d e l o f t he s e lf, w hich s ays t hat e mo t io nal e ne rg y can b e cre at e d t hro u g h int e rnal int e ract io ns b e t w e e n t he me (imme d iat e int e re s t s ), t he I (t hat w hich d e t e rmine s if an o u t co me i s like ly t o b e favo rab le ) and p e rmane nt vis it o rs (influ e nt ial id e as o ne le arns in t he ir life ) (2002: 44). T he ag re e me nt o f t he s e t hre e le ad s t o t he g re at e s t incre as e in e mo t io nal e ne rg y; t he re fo re if t rad it io nal g e nd e r ro le s are p art icu larly influ e nt ia l t o a p e rs o n, and t he y act acco rd ing t o t he m and p e rce ive a favo rab ly o u t co me t he y w ill co nt inu e b e having in acco rd ance w it h t he m. Wo me n in p art icu lar may p e rp e t u at e t he ir s u b o rd inat e p o s it io n b e cau s e t he y t e nd t o id e nt ify mo re w it h t he male s in t he ir l ive s t han w it h w o me n as a g ro u p ; t he re fo re t he y have s u ch an inve s t me nt in maint aining t he s e re lat io ns hip s t hat t he y int e rnally d e al w it h t he lo s s o f e mo t io nal e ne rg y re s u lt ing fro m t he ir p lace in t his g e nd e r hie rarchy rat he r t han ind u lg ing in d e viant e mo t io ns (S u mme rs E ffle r 2002: 45). D e viant e mo t io ns are t ho s e t hat co u ld cau s e s o cial co nflict D is ru p t io n o f s o cial ine rt ia and chang e aris e fro m re fu s ing t o manag e t his

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6 lo s s int e rnally, and ins t e ad re je ct ing a s u b o rd inat e p o s it io n. Fo rming a g ro u p t hat ag re e s w it h t his re je ct io n co nt rib u t e s t o t he cre at io n o f a co lle ct ive id e nt it y, and s o lid arit y aro u nd t he id e a, incre as ing e mo t io nal e ne rg y (S u mme rs E ffle r 2002). Fo rg ing a co lle ct ive id e nt it y as w o me n, o ve r t he p re vio u s id e nt ificat io n w it h male s is cr u cial in chang ing co nd it io ns fo r w o me n ins t e ad o f maint aining inve s t me nt in male d o minance It is a ne w s o lid it ary int e ract io n; it t e lls me mb e rs t hat t he ir d e viant e mo t io ns are s hare d and no t d e viant in t he g ro u p Fo rming a s e ns e o f inju s t ice ab o u t s u b o rd inat io n cau s e d b y a ne ce s s ary chang e in w o rld vie w t hat s hift s b lame o f t he co nd it io n (s u b o rd inat io n) fro m int e rnal t o o u t w ard C rit ical co ns cio u s ne s s incre as e d aw are ne s s o f t he s e lf in t his ne w co g nit ive frame in w hich t he d o minant cu lt u re is no t an ac t io n p ro hib it ing t hre at is re q u ire d t o s p u r act io n ag ains t t he d o minant cu lt u re (S u mme r E ffle r 2002: 51, 3). One mu s t act co ns cio u s ly w it h t he ir id e als in mind co ns t ant ly. C hang e s are mo s t like ly t o o ccu r in s it u at io ns w he re s u b o rd inat e ind ivid u als w il l re ce ive e mo t io nal e ne rg y b y o p p o s ing t he s t at u s q u o Fo r ins t ance g irls w it h fe minis t mo t he rs are like ly t o fe e l s o lid arit y in fe minis t g ro u p s and s o d o no t s u ffe r an e mo t io nal e ne rg y d e cre as e fro m re s is t ing t he d o minant cu lt u re s s t at u s q u o C haris m at ic le ad e rs co nt rib u t e t o chang e b y rais ing t he e mo t io nal e ne rg y o f t he ir fo llo w e rs (S u mme rs E ffle r 2002). S o cial ine rt ia is cau s e d b y re info rce me nt o f ce rt ain b e havio rs and id e nt it ie s in b o t h int e rnal and int e rp e rs o nal int e ract io ns C hang e like t hat w hich s hift e d t he s t at u s q u o and e nab le d S e ve nt e e n mag azine t o g ive s o me ad vice t hat d o e s no t ad he re t o he t e ro no rmat ivit y, o nly o ccu rs w he n g ro u p s o f p e o p le

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7 w it h s imilar d e viant e mo t io ns o rg anize in s o me w ay, s hift ing t he ir w o rld vie w t o o ne t hat p ro mo t e s a ne w id e nt it y and crit ical co ns cio u s ne s s a ne w w ay o f int e rp re t ing and re act ing t o o ne s e xp e rie nce M e mb e rs o f A me rican s o cie t y g e ne rally re ly o n he t e ro no rmat ivit y as a s e t o f g u id e line s fo r s o cial e xp e ct at io n and s e xu al b e havio r b e cau s e it fo llo w s t he ru le s o f a p at riarchal s o cie t y t hat is t he s t at u s q u o Fo r t he p u rp o s e o f t his p ap e r, I w ill u s e H ird and Jacks o n's (2001) fo u r as s u mp t io ns t hat s u s t ain he t e ro no rmat ivit y, a co nce p t w it h many face t s as my crit e ria fo r d e t e rmining he t e ro no rmat ivit y in my d at a. T he s e as s u mp t io ns w hich I e xp lain b e lo w are : 1. H e t e ro s e xu alit y is b io lo g ically d e s irab le 2. M ale s p e rs is t e nt ly d e s ire s e x 3. M ale s init iat e s e xu al act ivit y 4. S e xu al d e s ire is alw ays d ire ct e d t o t he o u t co me o f int e rco u rs e and e jacu lat io n E ach o f t he s e as s u mp t io ns can b e as s o ciat e d w it h larg e r me aning s o u t s id e o f s t rict ly s e xu al act ivit ie s and int o int e rg e nd e r int e ract io n. T he firs t as s u mp t io n can b e co ns t ru e d t o me an t hat b io lo g ical d e s irab ilit y me a ns no rmalit y" and t he re fo re s o cial d e s irab ilit y" t o t ho s e p art icip ant s in t he s o cie t y. T he s e co nd no rmalize s s e xu al d e s ire fo r male s b u t no t fe male s In co nt ras t fe male s are mo re int e re s t e d in ro mant ic, no n s e xu al act ivit y and co mp anio ns hip in he t e ro s e xu al re lat io ns hip s T he t hird can b e ap p lie d t o s it u at io ns t hat are no t o ve rt ly s e xu al, fo r e xamp le t o me an t hat me n init iat e ro mant ic act ivit y t hat co u ld

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8 co nce ivab ly le ad t o s o me s o rt o f s e xu al co nt act like d at e s and t hat t he ir p e rs is t e nt d e s ire fo r s e x is a mo t ivat ing fact o r in t he ir invo lve me nt in and init iat io n o f he t e ro s e xu al re lat io ns hip s T he final p re s e nt s s e x and d at ing as male p le as u re ce nt ric, w it h t he fe male ro le b e ing a cau s e o f t his p le as u re A fe male 's s t at u s is t ie d t o he r ab ilit y t o p le as e a male w hile ab id ing b y t he afo re me nt io ne d co nd it io ns T he lit e rat u re s ho w s t hat if he t e ro no rmat ivit y re q u ire s male s t o init iat e s e xu al act ivit y, fe male s w ho init iat e o r e xp re s s s e xu al d e s ire are in vio lat io n o f t he s t at u s q u o In mid d le and hi g h s cho o l, w he re t he re is a g re at s o cial e mp has is o n fit t ing in and s imilarit y t o p e e rs d e viat io n fro m a no rm can le ad t o lab e ling w it h d e ro g at o ry name s and o s t racizat io n (C hamb e rs T inckne ll & Van L o o n 2004), an at t e mp t t o p re ve nt a chang e in s o cial s t an d ard s B o t h b o ys and g irls can e xhib it b e havio rs and at t it u d e s t hat e nd ang e r t he s t rict s o cial co d e s o f he t e ro no rmat ivit y in s cho o ls G irls can d o t his p rimarily t hro u g h t he e xp re s s io n o f d e s ire w hich t he o re t ically s ho u ld o nly b e e xp re s s e d b y male s in a lmo s t any nu mb e r o f w ays inclu d ing ve rb ally, b y e ng ag ing in cas u al act ivit y, o r carrying co nd o ms (Fas u la, M ille r & Wie ne r 2007). B y vio lat ing t he s e t s t and ard t he s e g irls are b rand e d b y b o t h male and fe male p e e rs as s lu t s o r o t he r d e ro g at io ns M id d le and hig h s cho o ls are ho t b e d s fo r he t e ro no rmat ive at t it u d e s t hat p ro mo t e d o u b le s t and ard s R e s e arch o ve r t ime has g e ne rally maint aine d t hat fe male s in d at ing re lat io ns hip s are e xp e ct e d t o b e co mp arat ive ly p as s ive and p u re in co nt ras t t o

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9 t he male s act ive ro le L and is (1960) fo u nd t hat 80% o f t e e nag e g irls fe lt g u ilt y aft e r p e t t ing w hile o nly 25% o f b o ys fe lt t he s ame p ro ving a g re at e r s t ig mat izat io n o f fe male s e xu al act ivit y t han male (267). In re lat io ns hip s g irls are e xp e ct e d t o b e re s p o ns ib le fo r d e ve lo p ing and maint aining int imat e e mo t io nal co nne ct io ns (C hamb e rs T inckne ll & Van L o o n 2004: 406). B o ys are no t e xp e ct e d t o co nt rib u t e e mo t io nally w it ho u t fe minine g u id ance b e cau s e acco rd ing t o he t e ro no rmat ive s t and ard s t he y s ho u ld b e t o o p re o ccu p ie d w it h p hys ical d e s ire G irls o n t he o t he r hand mu s t s e xu ally re s t rain and p u t t he ir e ne rg y int o d o ing re lat io ns hip s and le arning t o re ad me n and ap p ro p riat e ly re s p o nd t o t he s e male d e s ire s (C hamb e rs T inckne ll & Van L o o n 2004:406). Fo r ins t ance in a re lat io ns hip b o ys co ns id e r it t he g irl's re s p o ns ib ilit y t o d e t e rmine ho w far a co u p le s ho u ld g o (C hamb e rs T inckne ll & Van L o o n 2004; R o s e and Frie ze 1989). T he re are t w o s o cial imp licat io ns t o t his p art icu lar find ing T he firs t is t hat g ive n t he o p p o rt u nit y, e ve ry b o y w o u ld have int e rco u rs e imme d iat e ly and o ft e n in a re lat io ns hip T he s e co nd imp licat io n is t hat w hat e ve r s e xu al e xp e rie nce a g irl has s he w ant s and is s o le ly re s p o ns ib le fo r. P e e rs can call t he s e g irls s lu t s and o t he r d e me aning name s b e cau s e t he y d e viat e fro m he t e ro no rmat ivit y and mu s t have s ho w n s o me s e xu al d e s ire T he ro le o f t he d at ing fe male co nt inu e s t o b e t hat o f a p as s ive g at e ke e p e r, w it h a ce rt ain e mp has is o n p u rit y. T he re s p o ns ive ne s s as p e ct t he w ay g irls are t au g ht t hat t he y are t o re s p o nd t o male d e s ire is t he hallmark o f fe male s e xu alit y u nd e r t he influ e nce o f he t e ro no rmat ivit y and s e xu al d o u b le s t and ard s It is p e rce ive d as inap p ro p riat e if

PAGE 14

10 a g irl is o ve rt ly d e s iring and s e e king s e x, e ve n w it hin a re lat io ns hip Wit hin a mo no g amo u s re lat io ns hip ho w e ve r, it is e s s e nt ial t hat it is as s u me d t hat s he is re act ing t o and p ro vid ing fo r he r b o yfrie nd 's d e s ire fo r t he s ake o f t he s o cial ine rt ia t hat s u p p o rt s he t e ro no rmat ivit y (C hamb e rs T inckne ll & Van L o o n 2004). Whe n o n d at e s fe male s are e xp e ct e d t o as s u me a s u b o rd inat e ro le b y b e ing allu ring facilit at ing co nve rs at io n and limit ing s e xu al act ivit y, w hile male s are e xp e ct e d t o init iat e p lan, p ay fo r t he d at e and are t he s e xu al ag g re s s o rs (R o s e and Frie ze 1989). Fe male s crip t s invo lve ag o nizing o ve r ap p e arance b e ing p le as ant as king t he male ab o u t hims e lf, and d e nying kis s e s and s e x (e arly s crip t s d id no t e ve n me nt io n s e x, limit ing co u p le s at no kis s ). M ale s invo lve ve ry s p e cific act io ns like s e at d at e ," and p ay fo r d a t e ," as w e ll as ag g re s s ive o ne s like as k fo r d at e and init iat e p hys ical co nt act (R o s e and Frie ze 1989: 260 4). E xp licit ly ad he ring t o he t e ro no rmat ive s t and ard s t he s e s crip t s p lace g irls in a p as s ive ro le and b o ys in an act ive ro le In re s p o ns e t o le s s inhib it ing g e nd e r ro le s in g e ne ral s o cie t y in t he lat e 20 t h ce nt u ry as co mp are d t o t he 1950s t e e nag e g irls are s t ill e nco u rag e d t o d o almo s t w hat e ve r t he y can t o acq u ire and ke e p a b o yfrie nd ; ho w e ve r, s ince fe male s are allo w e d mo re fre e d o ms it is almo s t le s s ne ce s s ary fo r a b o y t o e ng ag e in t he t rad it io nal e arly s t e p s in a re lat io ns hip in o rd e r t o achie ve t hat co ve t e d s e xu al e xp e rie nce w hich in a s e ns e acce nt u at e s t rad it io nal g e nd e r ro le s (H ird and Jacks o n 2001) b y e nco u rag ing fe male man p le as ing and t he re fo re a s u b s e rvie nt ro le S he mu s t re main p le as ant w hile he t ake s act io n, ju s t as in t he

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11 1950s While b o ys are co mfo rt ab le w it h and e nco u rag e d t o t alk ab o u t t he ir s e xu al co nq u e s t s as e vid e nce d b y t he b o y in t he clas s ro o m w ho b o w e d d u ring an e xe rci s e in w hich a hyp o t he t ical male had five s e x p art ne rs (C hamb e rs T inckne ll & Van L o o n 2004), w o me n e xp e rie nce ve ry re al limit s o n w hat [t he y] can s ay ab o u t t he ir s e xu alit y w it ho u t facing s o cial co ns e q u e nce (M cH u g h 2006: 366). If a fe male had s aid s o me t h ing e q u ivale nt t o t he afo re me nt io ne d male s g ive he ad no t o nly w o u ld t he e p is o d e b e mo re s ho cking b u t als o u nfe minine b e cau s e fe male s e xu alit y is d e fine d b y co nce p t u al he t e ro no rmat ivit y as re p re s s e d (H ird & Jacks o n 2001). A d d it io nally, a fe male d e mand ing o ral s e x o f a male d o e s no t imp ly t he ine vit ab ilit y o f e jacu lat io n t he p u rp o s e o f s e xu al act ivit y acco rd ing t o t he as s u mp t io ns p u t fo rt h b y H ird and Jacks o n (2001). S o me chang e ho w e ve r, has o ccu rre d o ve r t he lat t e r half o f t he 20t h ce nt u ry. T he me d ian ag e o f fe male s at firs t s e xu al e xp e rie nce d e cre as e d b y almo s t t w o ye ars fro m t he 1950s t o t he 1970s in t he U S (ab o u t 18.5 t o 16.5), w hile t hat fo r male s d e cre as e d b y ab o u t a ye ar (17.4 t o 16.5) (T e it le r 2002: 137), ind icat ing a lib e ralizat io n in s e x r u le s e s p e cially fo r g irls G irls d o no t have t o maint ain as ag g re s s ive a ro le as g at e ke e p e r o ve r t ime b u t t he re is lit t le e mp irical e vid e nce t hat t he y are s o cially p e rmit t e d t o b e s e xu al ag g re s s o rs w it ho u t re ce iving ne g at ive lab e ls fro m t he ir p e e rs (C ar p e nt e r 1998). T he mo s t fre q u e nt fo rm o f g e nit al co nt act b e t w e e n t e e nag e rs is fe llat io (R e me z 2000). It allo w s g irls t o co nvince t he ms e lve s t hat t he y are b e ing ab s t ine nt and t he re fo re re t ain t he ir

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12 re p u t at io ns w hile s t ill g iving in t o t he s o cially acce p t ab le male d e s ire fo r s e xu al s t imu lat io n (R e me z 2000). T ho u g h t he y are mo re like ly t o ad mit t o s e xu al b e havio r in lat e r d e cad e s g irls mu s t s t ill maint ain s o me s o rt o f at le as t t e chnical p u rit y. While mo re e g alit arian g e nd e r ro le s e xis t in t e e nag e d at ing re lat io ns hip s no w t han in t he 1950s t he lit e rat u re re ve als t hat s o me act io ns like ag g re s s io n (a t e rm u s e d re g u larly in 1950s d at ing g u id e s in re fe re nce t o no n p as s ive mas cu line g irls ), are s t ill hig hly g e nd e re d S u b ve rt ing t ho s e ro le s is s o cially ill ad vis e d e s p e cially in co nfo rmis t t e e nag e cu lt u re METH OD M y init ial p lan w as t o analyze e xclu s ive ly S e ve nt e e n mag azine is s u e s fro m t he 1950s and 2000s as it w as firs t p u b lis he d in 1944. T he s e o ld is s u e s ho w e ve r, are no t p ract ically acce s s ib le T hi s lack o f acce s s p ro mp t e d me t o find ano t he r s o u rce fo r analyzing t he d at ing e xp e ct at io ns p u t u p o n t e e nag e rs in t he 1950s w hich I fo u nd in e t iq u e t t e /d at ing g u id e s I re vie w e d t he s e s o u rce s fo r g e nd e re d ad vice t o t e e nag e rs w hich I o p e rat io nally d e fine d a s me t ho d s t o at t ract t he o p p o s it e s e x, ho w t o maint ain me mb e rs hip o f o ne 's o w n s e x (w hat is d e fine d e xp licit ly as mas cu line o r fe minine ), and w ays in w hich t o b e have w it h o r in re g ard t o a d at ing p art ne r. I t he n co d e d t he s e d at a fo r t he ir ag re e me nt w it h H ird and Jacks o n's d e finit io n o f he t e ro no rmat ivit y, and imp licit ly d e rive d cat e g o rie s fo r e ach t ime p e rio d int o

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13 w hich t he s e d at a co u ld b e arrang e d Fo r t he 1950s t he s e cat e g o rie s w e re mas cu linit y/fe mininit y, d e s irab ilit y, p o lit e s s e /ru le s s t at u s o f d at ing and s e xu alit y. Fo r t he 2000s t he s e cat e g o rie s w e re s t at u s w hat b o ys like w hat b o ys hat e co mmu nicat io n, g o o d /b ad b o yfrie nd s d o ing t he w o rk, and p hys icalit y. T he cat e g o rie s d iffe re d b e cau s e t he d at a b e t w e e n t he t w o d e cad e s d iffe re d I t he n analyze d t his d at a fo r it s info rmat io n ab o u t g e nd e r ro le s and o ve rall ad he re nce t o he t e ro no rmat ive s t and ard s T he re is p re ce d e nt fo r u s ing b o t h d at ing g u id e s and mag azine s t o d e t e rmine s o cial s crip t s R o s e and Frie ze (1989) u s e d e ig ht d at ing g u id e s fro m 1957 t o 1983 t o le arn w hat act io ns w e re his t o rically g e nd e re d and ho w b o ys and g irls w e re e xp e ct e d t o b e have o n a firs t d at e C arp e nt e r (1998) analyze d w hat s crip t s S e ve nt e e n p ro mo t e d fo r ro mance and s e xu alit y b e t w e e n t he 1970s and t he 1990s find ing t hat t he mag azine e nco u rag e d b o t h fe male ag e ncy and p as s ivit y. I ackno w le d g e ho w e ve r, t hat I am no t s t u d ying g e nd e r ro le s t hat t e e nag e rs in A me rican s o cie t y act u ally co nfo rm t o ; I am s t u d ying t he ro le s t hat d o cu me nt s have p ro mo t e d T his s t u d y is s ig nificant b e cau s e it analyze s ho w t he me s s ag e s d ire ct e d t o w ard t e e nag e rs and t he re fo re s o me cu lt u ral valu e s have chang e d o ve r t ime T his may allo w fo r p re d ict io n o f ho w t he y w ill chang e in t he fu t u re Fo r t he p u rp o s e o f t his e xe rcis e I w ill b e u s ing a g e nd e r b inary i n my w rit ing as s u me d ly b as e d o n s e x. M o s t s t u d ie s no t e xp licit ly fo cu s e d o n g e nd e r id e nt ificat io n le ave t he cis g e nd e re d id e nt ificat io n, o r t he co ng ru it y b e t w e e n o ne s

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14 b irt h s e x and g e nd e r e xp re s s io n, o f p art icip ant s invis ib le and t he re fo re t o b e as s u me d b y t he re ad e r; 1950s d at ing g u id e s and 2000s S e ve nt e e n L o ve L ife art icle s d o no t me nt io n t rans g e nd e r is s u e s T ho u g h t he g e nd e r b inary is p ro b le mat ic in act u al s o cie t y (as it limit s ind ivid u als in s e lf e xp re s s io n b y co nfining t he m t o o ne s e t o f g e nd e re d s t and ard s ) fo r t he p u rp o s e o f t his p ap e r male b o y, man w ill as s u me b io lo g ical and s e lf id e nt ifie d male ne s s w hile fe male g irl, w o man" w ill as s u me b io lo g ical and s e lf id e nt ifie d fe male ne s s T his is s imp ly b e cau s e t he s o u rce s u s e d u t ilize t he s e t e rms in s u ch a w ay t hat d o e s no t ackno w le d g e anyt hing b u t a g e nd e r b inary; ho w e ve r, t he t e rms mas cu linit y and fe mininit y are mo re flu id t ho u g h t he d e s irab ilit y o f hig h le ve ls o f s o cially d e fine d mas cu linit y and fe mininit y fo r male s and fe male s re s p e ct ive ly, is e xt e ns ive ly ackno w le d g e d A n are a, o t he r t han cis g e nd e re d id e nt it y, in w hich invis ib ilit y s p aw ne d b y p rivile g e is re le vant t o t e e nag e d at ing is race S t u d ie s o n t he s u b je ct in t he 1950s d o no t me nt io n race at all, b u t d u e t o t he p rivile g e d le is u re clas s d e s crib e d o ne as s u me s w hit e ne s s M o re re ce nt s t u d ie s are mo re ap t t o d e s crib e t he ir s amp le s racially, b u t o nly w he n mino rit ie s are invo lve d w he t he r t he y are inclu d e d w it h w hit e p art icip ant s o r t he s t u d y e xclu s ive ly u s e s p art icip ant s o f co lo r T he as s u mp t io n o f an invis ib le race b e ing w hit e is p ro b le mat ic in it s e lf, b u t g ive n re s e arch t re nd s no t u nfo u nd e d I w ill no t s p e cifically b e s t u d ying t e e nag e rs o f co lo r, as it w o u ld g ive me le s s o p p o rt u nit y fo r co mp aris o n; ho w e ve r, o ne p lace t his is an is s u e is in my co nt e nt analys is o f co nt e mp o rary S e ve nt e e n mag azine s

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15 While I can s o me w hat re as o nab ly as s u me t hat e t iq u e t t e b o o ks and vid e o s in t he 1950s w e re t arg e t e d t o w ard w hit e t e e nag e rs g ive n t he au t ho rs and act o rs w hit e ne s s t he s ame canno t b e s aid o f S e ve nt e e n While t e e nag e g irls b e lo ng ing t o racial and e t hnic mino rit y g ro u p s are mo re like ly t o re ad mag azine s t arg e t e d t o ad u lt w o me n o f t he ir race o r e t hnicit y (M ilkie 1999), it is u nlike ly t hat S e ve nt e e n is cu rre nt ly re ad o nly b y w hit e t e e nag e rs ; fu rt he rmo re g irls w rit ing in d o no t s u p p ly t he ir race o r e t hnicit y, making it imp o s s ib le t o d is ce rn. R ace is re le vant t o t e e nag e d at ing b e cau s e w hile t he re are d iffe re nt e t hnicit ie s w it hin t he he ad ing o f w hit e ne s s ," racial and e t hnic mino rit ie s a re mo re like ly t o b e re lig io u s and have mo re cu lt u rally d e fine d g e nd e r ro le s fo r ad u lt s at le as t at t his t ime (Fas u la, M ille r and Wie ne r 2007). C hap t e r 2 p re s e nt s e vid e nce fro m 1950s d at ing g u id e s fo r t he e nfo rce d s e p arat e g e nd e r ro le s in t e e nag e ro mant i c re lat io ns hip s w hile chap t e r 3 lo o ks at t ho s e fo r S e ve nt e e n mag azine fro m 2007 2009. M y co nclu s io n e xamine s ho w d e s p it e s o cial chang e t he s e p ro mo t e d ro le s have in s o me w ays re maine d t he s ame

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16 2 1950s : S t ab le H e t e ro no rmat ivit y T he his t o ry o f t e e nag e d at ing in t he U nit e d S t at e s b e g ins in t he 1920s w he n it t u rne d a fo rme rly p rivat e rit u al int o a p u b lic o ne C o u rt s hip o f t he 19t h and e arlie s t 20t h ce nt u ry t o o k p lace ins id e t he ho me chap e ro ne d b y p are nt s w hile d at ing b ro u g ht co u p le s o u t int o u rb an s p ace s In p art t his w as fo r t he s ake o f p ract icalit y, as in t he g ro w ing u rb an are as fe w e r familie s had larg e p arlo rs in w hich t he y co u ld e nt e rt ain a d au g ht e r's s u it o r. T his ne w p o p u lar p ract ice le d t o chang e s in t he w ay t e e nag e s t at u s w as co ns t ru ct e d T he mo re d at e s a p e rs o n had t he mo re p o p u lar t he y b e came in t he e ye s o f t he ir p e e rs T he w ays in w hich t he s e d at e s w e re at t aine d w as hig hly g e nd e re d : b o ys had t o have o u t w ard s ig ns o f s t at u s b as e d o n w e alt h, like a car, w hile g irls ju s t had t o b e s e e n w i t h t he s e d e s irab le b o ys ; t he s e me ans co mb ine d w it h t he d e s irab ilit y o f many d at e s cre at e d a d at ing e nviro nme nt b as e d o n co mp e t it io n (B aile y 1988; L and is 1960). D at e s had t o b e vis ib le and w it h nu me ro u s p art ne rs in o rd e r t o co nt rib u t e t o a p e rs o n's s t at u s amo ng t he ir p e e rs D at ing o nly o ne p e rs o n w as p e rce ive d as a s u re fire w ay fo r a p e rs o n t o b e co me b o ring b e cau s e he o r s he no lo ng e r had t o make an e ffo rt t o at t ract ne w d at e s P o s t Wo rld War II, t e e nag e p o p u larit y, e s p e cially t hat o f g irls b e came b as e d o n having o ne p e rs o n t o g o w it h t o imp o rt ant fu nct io ns p e rhap s t o cre at e s e cu rit y in a t ime o f p o s t w ar ins t ab ilit y (B aile y 1988).

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17 A ft e r a w ar d u ring w hich w o me n had t ake n o n t rad it io nally mas cu line ro le s in A me rica d u e t o a s carcit y o f me n at ho me a s hift had t o o ccu r t o re cre at e t he p re vio u s co mfo rt ab le ro le s fo r t he s o ld ie rs re t u rning ho me S ince me n w e re s t ill s e e n as ne e d ing e mp lo yme nt mo re t han w o me n, mid d le clas s w o me n had t o re t u rn ho me t o make w ay fo r t he ir hu s b and s in t he w o rkp lace G irls and b o ys w ho had s e e n t he ir mo t he rs w o rk in t he ab s e nce s o f t he ir fat he rs ne e d e d t o le arn t he rig ht g e nd e r ru le s and t hu s e t iq u e t t e b o o ks s t e p p e d in t o t e ach t he m (B aile y 1988: 97 8). T ho u g h p re s e nt e d as s imp le manne rs t he s e g u id e s s ho w e d b o ys and g i rls t he b e havio rs as s o ciat e d w it h t rad it io nal mas cu linit y and fe mininit y, s ince fe w e r e xp licit e xamp le s w e re availab le fo r t he m in t he ir o w n live s d u ring t he w ar, and imme d iat e ly t he re aft e r d u ring t he s hift b ack t o t rad it io nal ro le s Fo r t his p ro je ct I a nalyze d t he co nt e nt o f fo u r life o r d at ing g u id e s fo r t e e nag e rs : D at e D at a b y B e ve rly B rand o w (1954), Yo u r H ap p ie s t Ye ars b y D ick C lark (1959), Jo yce Jacks o n's G u id e t o D at ing b y H e le n L o u is e C ro u s e (1955) and Fact s o f L ife and L o ve b y E ve lyn D u vall (1950) T he s e b o o ks are u s e fu l b e cau s e t he y are e xamp le s o f t he g e nd e re d ad vice g ive n t o t e e nag e rs in t he 1950s B e ve rly B rand o w 's D at e D at a is w rit t e n fo r t e e nag e rs o f e it he r g e nd e r, and in t he s t yle t yp ical o f t he s e g u id e s is co nve rs at io nal and w rit t e n w it h t he d is t inct t o ne o f an ad u lt t rying t o b e hip w it h t e e nag e rs Wit hin it s t e mp o ral co nt e xt it w as ce rt ainly le s s aw kw ard T he g u id e is d ivid e d int o nu me ro u s q u ick, e as y t o re ad s e ct io ns o f at mo s t fo u r p ag e s e ach. T his is u s e fu l b e cau s e it is

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18 e s s e nt ia lly an ave rag e d at ing g u id e like A b ig ail Van B u re n s D e ar T e e n A g e r (1959), Virg inia We s t e rve lt s G e t t ing A lo ng in t he T e e n A g e Wo rld (1957), and o t he rs w hich I d id no t analyze b e cau s e I co ns id e r B rand o w s g u id e t o b e re p re s e nt at ive o f t his t yp e D ick C lark's Yo u r H ap p ie s t Ye ars is at o nce a life g u id e fo r t e e nag e rs and a s o rt o f ins id e lo o k at t he p o p u lar ho s t o f A me rican B and s t and While als o w rit t e n fo r b o t h g e nd e rs C lark fo cu s e s mo re o n t he live s o f b o ys and in t hat ve in o ft e n u s e s s u p p o s e d ly p e rs o nal ane cd o t e s as e xamp le s fo r b e havio rs o r fe e ling s T he fo cu s o n b o ys is no t ab le b e cau s e many mo re g u id e s like t his e xis t fo r g irls t han fo r b o ys and mo s t are w rit t e n b y w o me n. A d d it io nally, t his p art icu lar e xp lo it at io n o f fame g ive s cre d e nce t o t he p o p u larit y o f life g u id e s fo r t e e nag e rs H e le n L o u is e C ro u s e 's Jo yce Jacks o n's G u id e t o D at ing is d ire ct e d s q u are ly t o w ard t e e nag e g irls Jacks o n, C ro u s e 's p s e u d o nym, s u p p o s e d ly a t e e nag e r he rs e lf, w rit e s as he r int ro d u ct io n: M y name is Jo yce Jacks o n a t e e n ag e r. I have my p ro b le ms t o b e mo re s p e cific d at ing p ro b le ms B u t w hat g irl d o e s n't have d at ing p ro b le ms ? T hanks t o s o me g irls w ho are u nu s u al s u cce s s e s at d at ing I have b e e n ab le t o g e t e xp e rt he lp w it h many o f my p ro b le ms T he s e g irls are t ru l y charming and o ne w o u ld e xp e ct t hat t he y w e re e it he r b o rn lu cky o r e ls e had s p e nt g re at e ffo rt t o achie ve t he ir charm. T he y s ay no t While it t o o k e ffo rt fo r t he m t o achie ve t he ir p re s e nt s u cce s s t he y s ay t he e ffo rt w as e as y. I s ho u ld like t o p as s s o me o f t he ir s u g g e s t io ns alo ng t o yo u I t hink t he s e s u g g e s t io ns w ill s p are yo u mu ch u nne ce s s ary mis e ry and e mb arras s me nt T he y have d o ne t hat fo r me S u cce s s fu l d at ing is p o s s ib le fo r any g irl, if s he w ill g ive ce rt ain mat t e rs he r clo s e at t e nt io n. T his b o o k is d e s ig ne d t o g ive yo u t hat he lp (C ro u s e 1955: viii) T hro u g h he r ab u nd ant p e rs o nal ane cd o t e s o ne le arns t hat s he is a s o ro rit y g irl,

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19 and t he re in lie s he r ap p e al. Y o u ng e r t e e nag e rs w ill id o lize t he ir o ld e r p e e rs and w ill b e mo re like ly t o fo llo w t he ir ad vice t han t hat o f s o me o ne w ho co me s o ff as b e ing s imilar t o t he ir p are nt s and o u t o f t o u ch w it h co nt e mp o rary t e e nag e is s u e s Whe t he r C ro u s e act u ally w as a t e e nag e r at t he t ime o f w rit ing is u nkno w n, b u t d is t inct ly p o s s ib le If s he w as t his b o o k h as a p e rs p e ct ive t hat is u niq u e in t his g ro u p o f b o o ks t hat o f s o me o ne act u ally e xp e rie ncing t he s e d ifficu lt ie s ; ho w e ve r, if s he w as no t t hat fact is almo s t irre le vant as t e e nag e g irls may s t ill re ad t he g u id e as t ho u g h it is w rit t e n b y o ne o f t he ir p e e rs E ve lyn D u vall's Fact s o f L ife and L o ve fo r T e e nag e rs is a co mp re he ns ive and at t ime s ve ry t e chnical, g u id e fo r t e e nag e rs o f b o t h g e nd e rs It is le s s co nve rs at io nal t han any o f t he o t he r t hre e g u id e s b u t s o lid ly e xhib it s p o s t Wo rld War II id e als a s it w as p u b lis he d in 1950. T ho u g h t he s e g u id e s may s o u nd ap p e ar d iffe re nt t he ad vice t o t e e nag e rs is co ns is t e nt t hro u g ho u t all fo u r, d e mo ns t rat ing t hat s o cial id e as fo r g e nd e r ro le s w e re in t his d e cad e cle arly d e fine d and s p e cific. METH OD I re ad t he s e g u id e s fo r e xp e ct at io ns and ad vice fo r ho w b o ys and g irls are s u p p o s e d t o act as a me mb e r o f t he ir g e nd e r and int e ract w it h e ach o t he r, p art icu larly ho w t he s e e xp e ct at io ns are d ive rg e nt b e t w e e n g e nd e rs in o rd e r t o make co nclu s io ns ab o u t t he at t it u d e s o f t he s e d o cu me nt s I o rg anize d t his info rmat io n int o five cat e g o rie s IN C IT IN G M A S C U L IN IT Y /FE M IN IN IT Y D E S IR A B IL IT Y P OL IT E S S E /R U L E S S T A T U S OF D A T IN G and S E X U A L IT Y

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20 w hich are d e fine d b e lo w IN C IT IN G M A S C U L IN IT Y /FE M IN IN IT Y : H o w g irls mu s t cau s e mas cu l init y in b o ys and b o ys mu s t cau s e fe mininit y in g irls D E S IR A B IL IT Y : What t he s e g u id e s s t at e t hat b o ys and g irls find at t ract ive in t he o p p o s it e g e nd e r. H o w t o g e t a b o y/g irlfrie nd and ho w t o ke e p o ne P OL IT E S S E /R U L E S : What g u id e line s e xis t ab o u t co u rt e s y and t he b are me chanics o f d at ing S T A T U S OF D A T IN G : H o w b o ys and g irls fe e l ab o u t d at ing ab s t ract ly. S E X U A L IT Y : What t he e xp e ct at io ns are fo r s e xu al ag g re s s io n, act ivit y and t he imp licat io ns t he re in. Ove rall, t he s e g u id e s o u t line far mo re ru le s and s t ip u lat io ns fo r g irls b e havio r t han b o ys ', w hich may o nly incid e nt ally re fle ct re ad e rs hip g ive n t hat mo s t o f t he s e b o o ks are w rit t e n fo r b o t h g e nd e rs Ins t e ad it illu minat e s an e mp has is o n t e e nag e s p he re s L ike ad u lt s male s are e xp e ct e d t o b e in t he p u b lic s p he re and fe male s in t he p rivat e s p he re ; ho w e ve r, in t his cas e t he p u b lic s p he re co ns is t s o f act ivit ie s and o u t s id e int e re s t s w hile t he p rivat e s p he re is fo cu s o n and maint e nance o f p e rs o nal re lat io ns hip s I N C I TI N G MAS C U L I N I TY/F EMI N I N I TY In an y d icho t o my, it is g e ne rally u nd e rs t o o d t hat a t rait 's p re s e nce in o ne

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21 o f t he s u b je ct s s u g g e s t s ab s e nce in t he o t he r. T his is o f co u rs e t ru e in t he cas e o f mas cu linit y and fe mininit y; ho w e ve r, s ince t he s e t rait s are no t innat e in p e o p le in t e e nag e d at i ng t he d at ing p art ne r is re q u ire d t o b ring t he s e o u t in a p e rs o n. B o ys w ant a g irl w ho w ill make t he m fe e l like a M A N !" (B rand o w 1954: 66), s ince a b o y canno t manife s t t he s e q u alit ie s w it ho u t s o me o ne t o b e a charact e r in o p p o s it io n t o t his mas cu linit y. A g irl mu s t fu rt he r le t him b e t he s t ar at t he s p o rt s t hat t he y u s e d t o p lay t o g e t he r (C lark 1959: 48), s o he can e xhib it e ve n mo re p hys ical p o w e r in co nt ras t t o he r inact ivit y. T he s e o u t w ard s ig ns o f mas cu linit y are t o make a g irl fe e l mo re fe minine a charact e ris t ic ne arly d e fine d b y p as s ivit y, as a g irl like s t o fe e l manag e d in t he s e ns e t hat s he is b e ing he lp le s s ly s w e p t o ff he r fe e t (B rand o w 1954: 45). S TATU S OF D ATI N G It is co mmo n in 1950s g u id e b o o ks t o s ay t hat g irls are mo re d e s p e rat e fo r d at e s and t o d at e t han b o ys are w hich is a d ire ct re s u lt o f t he ru le t hat o nly b o ys may ins t ig at e a d at e S ince b o ys s ho u ld t he y w ant a d at e can ju s t as k fo r o ne t he re is ne ce s s arily le s s t ime s p e nt w ait ing and w o nd e ring ab o u t t he m. A d d it io nally, b o ys a re o ft e n p re s e nt e d as having mo re act ivit ie s w it h s p o rt s and t he cro w d p ro vid ing e no u g h fu n t o ke e p [t he m] b u s y" (C lark 1959: 105), w hile g irls ne e d b o ys o r t alk ab o u t b o ys t o e nt e rt ain t he m. Wit h C ro u s e (1955: 1) t e lling t he m it 's g o o d t o have d at e s ," as t ho u g h t he ir cu rre nt t e e nag e s o cie t y had no t alre ad y, g irls may b e co me e ve n mo re d e s p e rat e fo r d at e s

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22 T his d e s p e rat io n can d e rive fro m t he fact t hat having a d at e is acco rd ing t o t he s e g u id e s als o co nne ct e d mo re t o fe male s t at u s t han it is male s t at u s as e vid e nce d b y ho w mu ch mo re it is me nt io ne d in co nju nct io n w it h g irls T his is d u e t o t he t e e nag e p rivat e s p he re o f int e rp e rs o nal/ro mant ic re lat io ns hip s t o w hich g irls are re le g at e d as w e ll as t he e xamp le in t he 1950s mid d le clas s t e e nag e g irl' s life o f he r mo t he r as ho me make r, w it h a life g e ne rally re vo lving aro u nd he r hu s b and and family. In o rd e r t o g e t d at e s a g irl mu s t alre ad y have had a d at e s o s he may g o o u t w it h a b o y s he d o e s no t re ally like b e cau s e t his is a firs t d at e and b e g g ars c an't b e cho o s e rs (B rand o w 1954: 5 7). E ve n if a g irl is no t e ve n re ally int e re s t e d in b o ys ye t if o ne o f yo u r g irl frie nd s invit e s yo u t o a p art y d o n't p as s it u p (C lark 1959: 52) b e cau s e e ve nt u ally s he w ill b e int e re s t e d in b o ys and have alre ad y m e t s o me in a co nt e xt t hat s u g g e s t s d at e ab ilit y. T his s o cial d e s irab ilit y can als o manife s t in g irls acce p t ing almo s t any d at e C lark (1959: 109) and B rand o w (1954: 17) s ay, if s he has no t hing line d u p s he s ho u ld g o o u t w it h yo u ," and g irls u s u ally lo v e a d at e and w ill rare ly t u rn a b o y d o w n," re s p e ct ive ly. Ju s t t o b e o n and s e e n o n a d at e re g ard le s s o f w it h w ho m as lo ng as he 's d e ce nt ly s o cially re s p e ct ab le is e no u g h t o s at is fy t his ind icat o r o f s t at u s Wit ho u t a d at e a g irl can't ju s t g e t u p and g o any p lace s he cho o s e s b e cau s e S at u rd ay nig ht is d at e nig ht (C lark 1959: 51) and it w o u ld b e t o o s o cially s t ig mat izing t o g o o u t b o t h Frid ay and S at u rd ay nig ht s w it ho u t a d at e

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23 P OL I TES S E/R U L ES T he re are ru le s fo r s p e cific, g e nd e re d act io ns in t e e nag e d at ing w hich manife s t fro m t his o ve rarching id e a t hat g irls and b o ys are inhe re nt ly d iffe re nt and s ho u ld b e p o lice d as s u ch, and t hat g irls s ho u ld re ce ive b o ys act io ns and ne e d t he p ro t e ct io n o f b o ys p o w e r. M any o f t he s e are d e e me d co u rt e s y," b u t a g e nd e re d p o lit e ne s s at t hat P e rhap s yo u rs is t he as king e nd o f t he d at e We ll, fe llo w s ..." B rand o w (1954: 15) b e g ins he r s e g me nt ab o u t as king fo r d at e s re ve aling as t he o t he rs d o t hat init iat ing a d at e is s t rict ly male b u s ine s s (C lark 1959; C ro u s e 195 5; D u vall 1950). If a g irl w e re t o d o s o it w o u ld b e ho rrifying ly ag g re s s ive u nacce p t ab le and w o u ld le ave he r d at e le s s b e cau s e b o ys w o u ld re s e nt he r (B rand o w 1954). B o ys s ho u ld as k d ire ct ly and w it h an act ivit y in mind (B rand o w 1954; D u vall 1950), t ho u g h all b o o ks are q u ick t o me nt io n t hat t his w ill le t t he re cip ie nt o f t he invit at io n kno w ho w t o d re s s fo r t he e ve ning T his act io n s e t s t he t o ne fo r mo s t int e ract io ns t hat t ake p lace o n a d at e : t he b o y is t he init iat o r, o r act o r, w hile t he g irl acq u ie s c e s o r re ce ive s t he s e act io ns le s s au t o no mo u s t han t he b o y (t ho u g h d o e s a s e t o f s o cial ru le s act u ally allo w anyo ne t o b e au t o no mo u s ? ). G irls are no t s o cially allo w e d t o call a b o y o n t he t e le p ho ne mu ch like t he y canno t as k fo r d at e s (C lark 1959; D u vall 1950). T he y may call o n b u s ine s s ," p re s u mab ly ab o u t ho me w o rk o r s o me o t he r no n ag g re s s ive re as o n, b u t ne ve r ju s t t o chat ; if he r p u rp o s e co u ld p o s s ib ly b e mis u nd e rs t o o d s he s ho u ld as k

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24 s o me o ne e ls e t o make t he call fo r he r" (C ro u s e 1955: 7). T he b o y has all co nt ro l o ve r co mmu nicat io n, t o t he p o int w he re fe ar o f b e ing ag g re s s ive w ill cau s e a g irl no t t o call him fo r a co mp le t e ly inno cu o u s re as o n. E ve n in a re g u lar, e xclu s ive re lat io ns hip g irls are no t e nt it le d t o call him o n t he t e le p ho ne (B rand o w 1954: 88). G irls mu s t t hu s p as s ive ly w ait t o b e cho s e n. T he b o y has fu rt he r co nt ro l o ve r d at e s b e cau s e he has t he s o le re s p o ns ib ilit y t o finance and find t rans p o rt at io n fo r t he d at e (C lark 1959). B o ys financial re s p o ns ib ilit y o n d at e s is a re s u lt o f li ving in and le arning fro m a cap it alis t s o cie t y in w hich mo ne y e q u at e s t o p o w e r, w hich fu rt he r e q u at e s t o mas cu linit y. Fo r t his re as o n, t he p ract ice o f g o ing D u t ch," in w hich a g irl p ays fo r he rs e lf o n a d at e is s t ro ng ly w arne d ag ains t (B rand o w 1954: 55 6; D u vall 1950: 138). It is an e xt re me t hat s ho u ld no t b e re ache d in a g irl's e ffo rt t o le s s e n he r d at e 's financial s t re s s (C ro u s e 1955). G o ing D u t ch o ve rt u rns t he e ve r p o p u lar g e nd e r ro le s cau s ing g irls t o fe e l u s e d and b o ys t o fe e l u s e le s s (B rand o w 1954), as any u p s e t o f g e nd e r ro le s is b o u nd t o cau s e B e cau s e o nly b o ys are p e rmit t e d t o d rive (B rand o w 1954; D u vall 1950), g irls are e s s e nt ially at t he ir me rcy re g ard ing w he re t he y are g o ing and w he n t he d at e e nd s A g irl has no re al e s cap e P o lit e ne s s o f co u rs e w o u ld p re ve nt he r fro m le aving anyw ay, b u t if t he b o y t ake s he r o u t in t he family car, he r cap ab ilit y fo r ind e p e nd e nt mo ve me nt is s t u nt e d C o u rt e s y re q u ire s a man o p e n t he car d o o r fo r a w o man...g o o d manne rs are ju s t g o o d s e ns e (C lark 1959 : 58). T he re are ce rt ain act io ns co ns id e re d

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25 p o lit e t hat s e e m t o have no b as is o t he r t han fe male s s o cially d e t e rmine d he lp le s s ne s s re lat ive t o male s A b o y s ho u ld s t and w he n a g irl e nt e rs t he ro o m (C lark 1959) t o ackno w le d g e he r fe mininit y, and s ho u ld al w ays p u s h in a g irl's chair b e ne at h he r (C ro u s e 1955). E ve r p ro t e ct ive b o ys mu s t alw ays w alk t he ir d at e t o he r fro nt d o o r (B rand o w 1954; D u vall 1950), t o e ns u re no harm b e co me s he r b e t w e e n t he car d o o r t hat he has ju s t o p e ne d fo r he r, and t he lo ving e mb r ace o f he r p are nt s G irls mu s t w ait fo r b o ys t o o p e n and clo s e any d o o rs fo r t he m (B rand o w 1954; C lark 1959), s o me t hing g irls are g e ne rally co mp le t e ly cap ab le o f d o ing t he ms e lve s b u t g e nd e re d s o cial ru le s re nd e r t he m he lp le s s t o b o ys s o cially o rd aine d c o nt ro l. T he g u id e s d e s crib e s p e cific ru le s fo r g irls t o maint ain t he ir p as s ivit y, as o p p o s e d t o t he ir s imp le re act io n t o male co u rt e s y." Whe n o n a d at e at a re s t au rant s he s ho u ld g ive he r o rd e r t o t he b o y, w ho w ill t he n g ive b o t h o rd e rs t o t he w ait e r ( B rand o w 1954; C ro u s e 1955), o u t w ard ly re ve aling he r d e p e nd e nce o n him and minimizing he r ind ivid u alit y. A d d it io nally, b e fo re e ve n s p e aking t o a b o y, s he s ho u ld as k a mu t u al frie nd t o p ro p e rly int ro d u ce t he m, o r w ait fo r him t o int ro d u ce hims e lf (C ro u s e 19 55); s he is g ive n ve ry lit t le p o w e r w it h w hich t o init iat e co nt act w it h b o ys G ift s have ru le s at t ache d s t e mming mainly fro m t he p u rchas e d g ift 's s ymb o lizat io n o f mo ne y. G irls are d e lig ht e d b y s u rp ris e g ift s and flo w e rs (B rand o w 1954; D u vall 1950), and t he s e g ift s are re g ard e d as b e ing re fle ct io ns o f t he valu e a b o y p lace s o n a g irl; If yo u kno w he can w e ll affo rd an e xp e ns ive g ift

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26 and ye t yo u re ce ive s o me t hing t hat 's d o w nrig ht che ap b e t t e r w ake u p t o t he fact t hat yo u 've falle n fo r a line (B rand o w 1 954: 177), as g irls are a s o rt o f co mmo d it y. G irls s ho u ld t he re fo re ne ve r g ive a g ift t o a b o y w ho has no t g ive n o ne t o he r firs t (C ro u s e 1955), as o t he rw is e he d o e s no t s e e he r as an inve s t me nt and s he s ho u ld no t w as t e he r t ime L ike anyt hing t hat invo l ve s hand ling mo ne y, g irls s ho u ld avo id b u ying g ift s fo r b o ys (C ro u s e 1955) and s ho w ing o ff t he ir p art icip at io n in t he cap it alis t s ys t e m fo r b o ys Ins t e ad it is p re fe rab le fo r he r t o make him g ift s w he t he r knit t ing (" a g ift o f s o cks o r a s w e at e r s he has knit t e d he rs e lf" [C ro u s e 1955: 67]), s e w ing o r s o me o t he r craft (C ro u s e 1955; D u vall 1950). T his re mo ve s t he g ift fro m having any s o rt o f o b vio u s marke t valu e in s p it e o f s u p p ly co s t s and re p lace s t hat imp licat io n w it h o ne o f t ho u g ht fu lne s s and an e xam p le o f t he g irl's d o me s t ic s kills A g irl may als o p u rchas e t icke t s t o s o me b ig e ve nt p ro vid e d t hat s he make s u p a s t o ry ab o u t ho w s he re ce ive d t he m as a g ift and u lt imat e ly le ave s it u p t o t he b o y t o d e cid e w he t he r t he y at t e nd (D u vall 1950), e liminat ing t he g ro t e s q u e id e a t hat s he has act u ally s p e nt mo ne y o n a b o y. D ES I R AB I L I TY Ob vio u s ly d iffe re nt s t and ard s e xis t fo r at t ract ing and ke e p ing t he at t e nt io ns o f s o me o ne o f d iffe re nt g e nd e rs s imp ly b y virt u e o f t he fact t hat s o cie t y co nt inu e s t o d e fine g e nd e rs as o p p o s it e ." It is u t t e rly u ns u rp ris ing t hat t he 1950s has p art icu larly s t rict ru le s

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27 B o ys are hig hly alle rg ic t o ce rt ain charact e ris t ics Fo r ins t ance s o me fat al charms (fat al t o yo u t hat is ) w hich yo u mig ht have are ag g re s s ive ne s s cat t ine s s a ye n t o b rag ab o u t yo u r p o p u larit y, g o s s ip ing s illine s s and t hat t o u g h 'b e e n aro u nd ap p ro ach" (B rand o w 1954: 63) A g irl's o p t io ns fo r at t ract ing a b o y re ly he avily o n he r p as s ivit y and d is p o s it io n. Frankly, it is alarming t he nu mb e r o f t ime s e ach o f t he s e g u id e s t e lls g irls no t t o chas e b o ys ; at le as t t e n p ag e s amo ng fo u r b o o ks me nt io n chas ing at le as t o nce C has e rs are nig ht mare s (B rand o w 1954: 63). C has ing is d e fine d as anyt hing fro m a g irl t e lling a frie nd t hat s he like s a b o y, and t hat co n fid e nce b e ing b e t raye d (B rand o w 1954), t o as king him fo r a d at e (B rand o w 1954; C lark 1959). Fo r a g irl t o t ake o n t his ag g re s s ive ro le q u e s t io ns a b o y's mas cu linit y b e cau s e N at u rally, any b o y fe e ls s illy t o d is co ve r t hat he is b e ing w o o e d B e s id e s fe e lin g e mb arras s e d aw kw ard and s is s ifie d (B rand o w 1954: 183). T o co u nt e ract t his e g re g io u s lo s s o f mas cu linit y, a b o y can p u t a g irl b ack in he r p as s ive p lace b y t e as ing o r ig no ring he r (B rand o w 1954). In co nt ras t B rand o w (1954) as s u re s b o ys t hat p e rhap s s he is n't d e claring t he s t at e o f he r he art ... b e cau s e s he is a t ho ro u g hly nice g irl" (182). C ro u s e (1955) g o e s s o far as t o s ay, an ind icat io n o f t o o mu ch e nt hu s ias m o n yo u r p art is w o rs e t han no ne at all, and is ap t t o t u rn t he b o y ag ains t yo u fo re ve r" (5). N o t o nly is t his chas e e ve n w o rs e t han making a b o y fe e l re je ct e d b u t t he fat alis t ic lang u ag e cau s e s p art icu lar anxie t y in a re ad e r. E q u ally as o ft e n, t he t e rm ag g re s s io n" o r s o me variant is u s e d as a ne g at ive ind icat io n. T he amb ig u it y o f t his t e rm, o u t s id e o f

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28 t he o b vio u s fact t hat g irls may no t as k b o ys o u t e nco u rag e s incre as e d p as s ivit y w it ho u t act u ally g iving any e xamp le s It co u ld me an anyt hing and a fe male re ad e r s t e e p e d in t his w ay o f t hinking is fo rce d t o e valu at e he r o w n act io n s fo r any hint s o f t he e ve r b o y re p e lling ag g re s s ive ne s s ." G irls s ho u ld als o avo id t alking ab o u t p rio r d at e s w it h o t he r b o ys w he n o n a d at e w it h o ne as it w ill d is g u s t him and cau s e him t o g e t rid o f he r (B rand o w 1954: 65, 68). In fact g irls s ho u l d avo id t alking ve ry mu ch at all, as b o ys p re fe r g irls w ho d o n't t alk t o o mu ch, and ce rt ainly no t ab o u t t he ms e lve s C ro u s e 1955; D u vall 1950). T o b e an at t ract ive d at e g irls s ho u ld s p e nd mo re t ime b e ing int e re s t e d ins t e ad o f b e ing int e re s t ing (C ro u s e 1 955: 27), and co nt inu ing t he ir o u t rig ht p as s ivit y b e yo nd t he p u rs u it p has e o f a re lat io ns hip o r d at e T his inact io n is s o cially, he t e ro no rmat ive ly d e s irab le no t o nly b e cau s e it s u b s crib e s t o t he g e ne ral ro le o f male ag g re s s o r fe male re ce ive r, b u t als o b e c au s e d at e s have s o me co nne ct io n t o s e xu al act ivit y, w hich o nly b o ys are p e rmit t e d t o p u rs u e T he re are far fe w e r e xamp le s o f w hat b o ys d o find at t ract ive in a g irl. C o ns t ant p o s it ivit y and s w e e t ne s s are amo ng t he fe w t rait s s p e cifically o u t line d as acce p t ab le fo r g irls (B rand o w 1954; C ro u s e 1955). K e e p ing a b o yfrie nd invo lve s lit t le s kill, acco rd ing t o t he s e g u id e s A g irl mu s t s imp ly p re t e nd t he y are no t d at ing E ve n if t he y are g o ing s t e ad y, it is s o cially u nacce p t ab le fo r a g irl t o t e le p ho ne a b o y o r as k him o u t (B rand o w 1954), as it is s t ill p re s u mp t u o u s and ag g re s s ive at t hat p o int S he s ho u ld als o no t e xp e ct any mo re o f his fre e t ime b e cau s e t o d o s o w o u ld b e o ve r p o s s e s s ive

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29 (B rand o w 1954). B o ys t he as ke rs o f d at e s have far fe w e r and le s s s t ro ng ly w o rd e d g u id e line s fo r act u ally at t ract ing g irls A ll he has t o d o is as k, and it d o e s n't hu rt if he has a car o r s o me s o cial s t at u s marke r. Fo llo w ing e vo lu t io nary t he o ry, g irls are e s p e cially at t ract e d t o b o ys w it h acce s s t o a car (B rand o w 1954) a s ig nificant ind icat o r o f w e alt h in t he 1950s Ot he r s t at u s marke rs fo r ins t ance a s o cial t it le like Ice K ing o f t he Wint e r C arnival" (C ro u s e 1955: 3), make a b o y mo re d e s irab le It p ro ve s he has e no u g h s t at u s and p o w e r w it hin t he g ro u p t o w in p o p u la rit y co nt e s t s Ot he r, le s s o ve rt ly s u p e rficial, me t ho d s b o ys have t o make a g irl like t he m inclu d e b e co ming frie nd ly w it h he r p are nt s and having an ho no rab le line (B rand o w 1954: 173). B rand o w (1954) t e lls b o ys t hat t hat t he y s ho u ld g e t in s o lid w it h he r p are nt s b e cau s e t he y'll p u t yo u in s o lid w it h he r" (79 81). T his fu rt he r e xe mp lifie s t he t he me o f g irls as p ro p e rt y o f t he ir p are nt s u nt il t he y are marrie d While acco rd ing t o t he s e g u id e s a b o y may e s s e nt ially d at e w ho me ve r he cho o s e s re g ard le s s o f his p are nt s a g irl is mo re u nd e r p are nt al influ e nce and t he re fo re mo re child like T his co nt ro l e mp has ize s a g irl's p as s ivit y and s u p p o s e d ne e d t o b e t ake n care o f and co d d le d b y b o t h p are nt s and d at e s Finally, a b o y mu s t have an ho no rab le line ," o r re he ars e d live ly ro u t ine o f chat t e r" in o rd e r t o b e p o p u lar (B rand o w 1954: 173). T his p u t s t he b o y in t he p o s it io n o f b e ing t he t alke r t o a g irl's lis t e ne r. H aving s o me t hing re he ars e d me ans he alw ays has s o me t hing t o s ay, and t he re fo re s o me co nt ro l in an

PAGE 34

30 int e ract io n, p ro vid e d he has no t u s e d it alre ad y w it h t he g irl t o w ho m he is s p e aking B o t h o f t he s e me t ho d s invo lve s o me d o minance o ve r and in co nve rs at io ns w it h g irls T he re are ho w e ve r, g u id e line s fo r ke e p ing a g irl int e re s t e d Fo r ins t ance i f a g irl d at e s many b o ys o ne is s u p p o s e d t o ke e p he r g u e s s ing D o n't t ry fo r a kis s and s he 'll w o nd e r if s he d id n't make s u ch a ho t imp re s s io n o n [him]" (B rand o w 1954: 84); b y making a g irl u ns u re o f he rs e lf and he r at t ract ive ne s s a b o y can s t ay in h e r he ad T e e nag e g irls are g e ne rally ins e cu re as it is and t ake s u ch t hing s t o he art me aning a g irl le arns no t t o co u nt o n a s u it o r t o b e t o o nice t o he r, and lo w e rs he r e xp e ct at io ns and s t and ard s fo r ho w s he w o u ld like t o b e t re at e d M u ch like t he ad v ice g ive n t o g irls w he n g o ing s t e ad y a b o y s ho u ld co nt inu e t o t re at his g irlfrie nd as t ho u g h t he y are no t in a marg inally mo re s e rio u s re lat io ns hip H e s ho u ld co nt inu e t o d e mo ns t rat e his financial d o minance b y g iving he r s u rp ris e g ift s (B rand o w 1954), as g irls w ho have flo w e rs s e nt t o t he m fo r no b ig re as o n and have a co lle ct io n o f ine xp e ns ive t rinke t s b o u g ht b y a b o y... are p le as e d (47). A d d it io nally, he mu s t ind u lg e he r fe mininit y and s o cial ne e d t o b e s e e n d at ing s o me o ne b y t aking he r t o all t he im p o rt ant s cho o l affairs (B rand o w 1954: 88). A ft e r all, a g irl like s t o b e t re at e d like a fairy p rince s s o n a fe at he r p illo w (B rand o w 1954: 45). S EXU AL I TY U ns u rp ris ing ly, s e xu alit y is a t o p ic w it h incre d ib ly d ive rg e nt ro le s and

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31 e xp e ct at io ns b e t w e e n g e nd e rs While it is nat u ral t o w ant t o kis s and p e t (a t e rm w it h no u nive rs al d e finit io n, and as s u me d t o b e any s e xu al co nt act b e yo nd kis s ing ) (B rand o w 1954: 189) (D u vall 1950), p e t t ing is s o cially u nacce p t ab le fo r e it he r g e nd e r acco rd ing t o t he s e s o u rce s B rand o w clas s ifie s p e t t e rs int o t hre e g ro u p s : 1. T he lo ve s t arve d 2. T he s ince re b u t g u llib le lo ve r 3. T he immo ral (191) E s s e nt ially, t he o nly p e o p le w ho g ive in t o t he s e u rg e s are no t act u ally in lo ve b u t are d e s p e rat e fo r any affe ct io n t he y can g e t s t u p id o r, o f co u rs e immo ral. In o t he r w o rd s p e t t e rs have ho rrib le p e rs o nal flaw s T ho u g h b y t he e nd o f t he 1950s p e t t ing b y b o t h b o ys and g irls is fro w ne d u p o n (C lark 1959: 29), it is t he g irl's re s p o ns ib ilit y t o s t o p it and t he re fo re mo re s t rin g e nt d e fine d ru le s are inflict e d o n g irls G irls mu s t w o rry ab o u t t he ir re p u t at io n re lying o n t he ir p u rit y, and are g ive n p le nt y o f s p e cificat io ns fo r ho w t o avo id s e e ming che ap o r like t hat kind o f g irl." A s t he y are le s s e as ily e xcit e d b y s e x s t im u lat io n and mo re s lo w ly mo ve d t o d e mand s e xu al co nt act (D u vall 1950: 247), t he s e xu al g at e ke e p e r ro le is fo rce d o n g irls (248). B o ys are re g ard e d as having a s e x d rive s o s t ro ng t hat it o ve rru le s re as o n" (C ro u s e 1955: 153), and t he male p art ne rs in g o i ng s t e ad y re lat io ns hip s are d rive n b y t hat e mo t io n he calls lo ve ...yo u 've g o t t o t hink fo r b o t h o f yo u (B rand o w 1954: 188). Fu rt he rmo re p e t t ing is hab it fo rming and if

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32 a g irl allo w s it o nce t he b o y w ill w ant it all t he t ime b e cau s e o f his co ns t ant ne e d fo r s e xu al s t imu lat io n (D u vall 1950: 245). G irls als o e xp e ct lo ve fro m a kis s (C lark 1959: 29) and as s o ciat e s e x w it h lo ve (C ro u s e 1955: 83), w hile b o ys d o no t as s o ciat e s e x w it h lo ve (C ro u s e 1955: 83). T his me nt alit y e s s e nt ially e xcu s e s b o ys fro m t aking any re s p o ns ib ilit y fo r t he ir act io ns and p u t s t he b lame fo r any s e xu al act ivit y o n t he g irl; as s u ch, t he g irl w ill e xp e rie nce mo re s t ig mat izat io n b y he r p e e rs t han he r male p art ne r s ho u ld anyt hing s e xu al hap p e n b e t w e e n t he m. P e t t ing and kis s ing a lo t is a b ad g e o f p o w e r" fo r b o ys (D u vall 1950: 141). A d he ring t o he t e ro no rmat ivit y, t he ir p o p u larit y amo ng b o ys is in p art d e t e rmine d b y t he ir s e xu al e xp e rie nce mo re o f w hich me ans mo re mas cu linit y. B o ys may e ve n w o nd e r w ill s he t e ll he r frie n d s yo u 're a s is s y w ho has n't g o t t e n aro u nd mu ch, if yo u d o n't [kis s he r]? (B rand o w 1954: 163). C o nne ct ing mas cu linit y w it h s e xu al act ivit y fu rt he r alie nat e s g irls fro m it in o rd e r t o p re s e rve t he ir fe mininit y. N o o ne is s u p p o s e d t o e xp e ct kis s e s o n t he firs t d at e (D u vall 1950) b e cau s e kis s e s are me ant t o b e s hare d b e t w e e n p e o p le w ho g e nu ine ly like e ach o t he r (C lark 1959). A b o y can e as ily avo id a me aning le s s kis s s ince t he ru le s o f d at ing and mas cu linit y s ay t hat he is t he o nly o ne o f t he p air w ho can init iat e a kis s A g irl, o n t he o t he r hand is re ally o n t he s p o t and t he d e fe ns ive (B rand o w 1954: 167). If a b o y t rie s fo r an e arly kis s a g irl has fe w o p t io ns T he firs t is s lap [p ing ] him hard !" (B rand o w 1954: 187). T his is a s u rp ris ing d is p lay o f ag g re s s io n, allo w e d o nly b e cau s e t he valu e o f a g irl's s e xu al p u rit y and

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33 re p u t at io n is s o hig h, T he o t he r o p t io n is t o chang e o r avo id t he s u b je ct (B rand o w 1954: 167). T ho u g h C lark (1959) ins is t s no g irl has t o kis s a fe llo w g o o d nig ht e ve r!" ( 115), B rand o w (1954) ins is t s t hat afo re me nt io ne d ru le s o f e t iq u e t t e p re ve nt avo id ance fro m b e ing t hat s t raig ht fo rw ard as if [a g irl is ] in a car, ([s he ] can't g e t o u t u nt il he g o e s aro u nd ) [s he 's ] s u nk u nle s s [s he ] has a nat u ral and ve ry fu nny s e ns e o f h u mo r t o jo ke [he r] w ay o u t o f t his s it u at io n" (167). In t hat cas e it is like ly t hat g irls are s u p p o s e d t o w ant t o avo id s e xu al co nt act t o s u ch an e xt e nt t hat e xit ing t he car w o u ld b e p re fe rab le A no t e w o rt hy o mis s io n is a s imp le no ," b u t t hat w o u ld p o t e nt ially hu rt t he male e g o w it ho u t t he ins is t e nce and s p e ct acle o f a s lap It is int e re s t ing t hat g irls are t o ld o u t rig ht t hat t he y are t he g at e ke e p e rs o f kis s e s and p e t t ing b u t are p ro vid e d w it h ve ry fe w id e as fo r me chanis ms w it h w hich t o ke e p u p t he ir ro le G irls w ho w ant and are w illing t o kis s and p e t d e fy t he he t e ro no rmat ive s t and ard t hat t he y s ho u ld no t d e s ire t he s e act ivit ie s and t he ir e ng ag e me nt s ho u ld s t rict ly b e fo r t he p le as u re o f t he ir p art ne r; t he re fo re t he y are che ap ." Of co u rs e at t h is t ime g irls w ho kis s and p e t are no t re s p e ct ab le and b ad charact e rs (C lark 1959: 125; D u vall 1950: 142) fo r t he ir d is re g ard o f s o cial s t and ard s and t he ir o w n p u rit y, b u t g irls w ho d o it and like it are t he w o rs t A kis s is a s ince re e xp re s s io n o f a s ince re e mo t io n, and kis s e s fre e ly g ive n are che ap and valu e le s s (B rand o w 1954: 165), me aning a g irl w ho e njo ys kis s ing and ind u lg e s in it is he rs e lf valu e le s s E ve n fu rt he r, p e t t ing me ans a g irl is no t o f q u alit y, and is ru ining [he r] chance s o f e ve r b e ing ne e d e d w ant e d o r lo ve d

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34 (B rand o w 1954: 192). A s mall co nce s s io n fo r g irls kis s ing is if t he y re ally hat e it B rand o w (1954) co ns o le s b o ys b y t e lling t he m t hat t he g irl w ho allo w e d t he m t o kis s he r and ho ld he r hand may have ju s t fe lt t o o u nco mfo rt ab le t o s ay no t o t he m, and may in fact act u ally b e a nice g irl. H e r p as s ivit y is t o b e ap p lau d e d and t his d is like o f p hys ical co nt act ad he re s t o p re fe rab le no rms p re ve nt ing he r fro m b e ing t hat kind o f g irl." R e je ct ing s o cial s t and ard s t he g irl w h o e njo ys kis s ing is ab ho rre nt and che ap no t t o b e re s p e ct e d A p art icu lar p ro b le m fo r g irls is s e e ming che ap o r imp u re w it ho u t any int imat e co nt act w hat s o e ve r, co ns e q u e nce s o f w hich inclu d e no d at e s and d is re s p e ct S o me t hing as u nint e nt io nal as t o o mu ch lip s t ick can cau s e p e o p le t o p e rce ive a g irl as che ap (B rand o w 1954; C ro u s e 1955), like ly d u e t o t he p o p u lar imag e o f fe male p ro s t it u t e s as o ve rly mad e u p A d d it io nally, b o ys as a w ho le t e nd t o lo o k d o w n u p o n [g irls w ho d o n't have cu rfe w s ] and t hink o f he r rat he r as lo o s e che ap and w it h p are nt s w ho o b vio u s ly d o n't care t o o mu ch ab o u t he r" (B rand o w 1954: 61). Ins t e ad o f b e ing a s ig n t hat s he is t ru s t w o rt hy, a lack o f cu rfe w imp lie s in t his cu lt u re t hat a g irl mu s t b e u s ing t hat lat e nig ht t ime t o g e t int o s had y b u s ine s s T he re is ne ve r a me nt io n o f b o ys cu rfe w s G aining a che ap lab e l b y s u ch inno cu o u s me ans e mp has ize s t he s o cial fo cu s o n fe male p u rit y. A ll t e e nag e rs have s u ch a s o cial inve s t me nt in fe male p u rit y t hat if a b o y re ally re s p e ct s a g irl, he w ill w ant t o p ro t e ct he r re p u t at io n b y no t p e t t ing w it h he r (B rand o w 1954;C ro u s e 1955). Fo r t his re as o n, b o ys w ill no t marry g irls w it h

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35 w ho m t he y have had mu ch s e xu al co nt act (C ro u s e 1955), o r t hat t he y kno w has had a w ild p as t (B rand o w 1954: 19 4). N e g le ct ing he r fe mininit y (p u rit y, re p u t at io n) make s a g irl u lt imat e ly u nd e s irab le fo r a lo ng t e rm re lat io ns hip In an u ns u rp ris ing p at riarchal t u rn, b o ys have t he o p t io n t o t e s t g irls t o s e e w hat kind s o f g irls t he y are (B rand o w 1954: 187; D u vall 1950: 132), o b vio u s ly w it h no e q u ivale nt t e s t fo r g irls t o p e rfo rm. B o ys w ho t ry t o kis s g irls e arly are t rying t o s e e if t he y are t hat kind o f g irl" (B rand o w 1954: 187), s o g irls s ho u ld avo id it e ve n if he ins is t s and yo u 'd like t o It may b e a t e s t t o s e e if yo u 're an e as y mark" (B rand o w 1954: 28). A no t he r d o u b le s t and ard aris e s b e cau s e b o ys s o me t ime s co nfe s s t hat t he y w ill t ry t o kis s a g irl t he firs t t ime t he y t ake he r o u t b u t d o no t e xp e ct he r t o allo w it e s p e cially if s he is t he kind o f g irl t he y re s p e ct (D u vall 1950:140). T he y can at t e mp t me aning le s s kis s e s b u t if s he ag re e s t o it s he is no t g o o d e no u g h fo r t he m. T e s t ing can e ffe ct ive ly make a g irl ins e cu re ab o u t w he t he r a b o y's at t e mp t t o kis s he r is o u t o f le g it imat e ly liking he r, o r ju s t a t rick, p o t e nt ially ke e p ing t he m fro m e ng ag ing in any int imat e co nt act and s at is fying he t e ro no rmat ive s t and ard s C on c lu s ion 1950s d at ing g u id e s charact e rize d b y q u it e rig id ru le s p re s e nt t o t e e nag e rs ho w t o b e s o cially acce p t ab le me mb e rs o f t he ir g e nd e r w it hin ro mant ic re lat io ns hip s R o le s are d e fine d q u it e he t e ro no rmat ive ly, w it h g irls e xp e ct e d t o b e p as s ive d e p e nd e nt o n b o ys and u nint e re s t e d in s e x, and b o ys t o b e act ive

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36 ins t ig at o rs T he q u alit ie s o f mas cu linit y and fe mininit y are d e fine d b y t he ab s e nce o f t he o t he r, and t he mo s t e g re g io u s mis t ake a t e e nag e r, e s p e cially a g irl, can make is t o t ake o n a t rait o f t he o p p o s it e g e nd e r.

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37 3 2000s : P ro g re s s ive C o nfu s io n In t he fo rt y ye ars aft e r t he 1950s an array o f s o cial and p o lit ical mo ve me nt s t o o k p lace in t he U nit e d S t at e s t hat le d t o mo re e q u al g e nd e r ro le s fo r w o me n. T he C ivil R ig ht s M o ve me nt and s u b s e q u e nt C ivil R ig ht s A ct o f 1964 T it le VII p ro hib it e d hiring d is criminat io n b y s e x, me aning t hat w o me n had g re at e r acce s s t o e mp lo yme nt and t he re fo re d e ve lo p ing t he ir o w n financial au t o no my. T w o ye ars lat e r, w o me n fo u nd e d t he N at io nal Org anizat io n fo r Wo me n, hig hlig ht ing t hat g e nd e r e q u alit y had b e co me an e s p e cially imp o rt ant is s u e in ne e d o f mo re vis ib ilit y and chang e t han it had e arlie r. T ho u g h t he y w e re firs t s o ld in t he lat e 1950's it is no t u nt il t he e arly 1970s t hat it is ille g al t o int e rfe re w it h t he d is t rib u t io n o f o ral co nt race p t ive s t o u nmarrie d w o me n, a chang e t hat incre as e d s e xu al au t o no my o f w o me n re g ard le s s o f marit al s t at u s T his in t u rn incre as e d s e xu al cho ice s fo r t e e nag e g irls and d e cre as e d t he p re g nancy ris k o f t e e n s e x, a ris k t hat had t he mo s t co ns e q u e nce fo r t he g irl in t he re lat io ns hip T he s e e mp lo yme nt o p p o rt u nit ie s and s e xu al fre e d o ms cre at e d a mo re e q u al g e nd e r e nviro nme nt and d is ru p t e d t he s o cial ine rt ia, t ho u g h t he o ld he t e ro no rmat ive valu e s p e rs is t e d A s o f t he 21s t ce nt u ry, ad vice b o o ks fo r t e e nag e rs s t ill e xis t b u t are no t s o p o p u lar co mp are d t o t e e nag e g irls mag azine s w hich d is p e ns e ad vice ab o u t

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38 frie nd s s cho o l, d at ing fas hio n and o t he r life s t yle t o p ics T he re are no s imilar p u b licat io ns t arg e t e d t o w ard t e e nag e b o ys w it h any s ig nificant re ad e rs hip re info rcing t he id e a t hat d o ing re lat io ns hip s is t he b u s ine s s o f g irls ( Cham bers, Tincknell & Van Loo n 2004: 406) S o me p o p u lar t it le s inclu d e S e ve nt e e n T e e n Vo g u e and G irl's L ife S e ve nt e e n is in 2010, t he mo s t p o p u lar mag azine t it le fo r t e e nag e rs in t he U nit e d S t at e s w it h a mo nt hly circu lat io n o f ab o u t t w o millio n p e r is s u e It s au d ie nce is p rimar ily g irls ag e d 12 19 (S e ve nt e e n M e d ia K it 2010). In s p it e o f it s fe male re ad e rs hip S e ve nt e e n is no ne t he le s s a g o o d cho ice fo r making as s e rt io ns ab o u t co nt e mp o rary t e e nag e g e nd e r ro le s e s p e cially t ho s e e xp e ct e d o f g irls b e cau s e it re ache s a larg e au d ie n ce co me s o u t w it h a ne w is s u e mo nt hly, has a s ig nificant nu mb e r o f p ag e s d e d icat e d e xclu s ive ly t o d at ing o r g u y" co nce rns T he fre q u e nt lack o f clarit y in S e ve nt e e n as a w ho le in re g ard t o g e nd e re d b e havio r s e rve s t o hig hlig ht t he mis s ing rig id e xp licit ne s s in co nt e mp o rary g e nd e r ro le s as co mp are d t o t ho s e in t he 1950s One s e t d e finit io n fo r ho w a g irl s ho u ld b e have s imp ly no lo ng e r e xis t s T he art icle s ho w e ve r, o ft e n co nt rad ict e ach o t he r o r g ive ad vice t hat is vag u e t o t he p o int o f me aning le s s ne s s Fo r e xamp le g u ys like g irls w ho have an air o f mys t e ry" (B e ns o n, What s K illing Y o u r G ame ? 2008), b u t are als o d raw n t o g irls w ho are n't afraid t o b e b o ld (B e ns o n, G u y S e cre t s N o One E ve r T o ld Y o u 2009). R at io nally, t he s e co nce p t s o p p o s e e ach o t he r, alo o f mys t e rio u s ne s s ve rs u s b lat ant b o ld ne s s A n e xamp le o f t he vag u e ne s s and e lab o rat io n o n t his id e a o f b o ld ne s s in g irls B e ns o n w rit e s g u ys

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39 lo ve a g irl w ho rad iat e s co nfid e nce -b u t w he n it t u rns int o arro g ance yo u can s e e m d iva is h o r alo o f, w hich t u rns g u ys o ff. C hamp io n flirt s kno w ho w t o b e s t ro ng w it ho u t b e ing o ve rp o w e ring (B e ns o n, D o n t T ake T his A d vice 2008). T he me t ho d o f achie ving t his hap p y me d iu m is no t d e s crib e d -a g irl has no w ay t o kno w if s he is b e ing co nfid e nt b u t no t t o o co nfid e nt S o me t ime s S e ve nt e e n 's inco ns is t e ncie s o p p o s e e ach o t he r ins o far as o ne o p t io n co nfo rms t o he t e ro no rmat ive s t and ard s and t he o t he r d o e s d e viat e s fro m t he m. A t o t he r t ime s b o t h o p t io ns t ho u g h in o p p o s it io n, re info rce he t e ro no rmat ive s o cial s t ru ct u re s b e cau s e t he y re ly o n g irls p le as ing o r at t ract ing b o ys rat he r t han re maining t ru e t o t he ir o w n p e rs o nalit ie s and making t he ms e lve s hap p y. METH OD T o co nd u ct my analys is o f S e ve nt e e n mag azine and it s d at ing ad vice fo r g irls I lo o ke d e xclu s ive ly at t he s e x and lo ve life s e ct io ns init ially lo o king ju s t fo r d ire ct ive s b u t t he n g o ing b ack and w id e ning my analys is t o all art icle s in t he s e s e ct io ns o nce I re alize d t hat S e ve nt e e n w as mo re inco ns is t e nt and vag u e ab o u t t he ir g e nd e re d ins t ru ct io ns t han t he 1950s g u id e s I t he n d e ve lo p e d t he fo llo w ing co d e s fo r t he info rmat io n in t he art icle s w hich I w ill u s e fo r s u b he ad ing s b e lo w : S T A T U S : What d at ing and it s t e rms me an at t his t ime WH A T B OY S L IK E : H o w t o at t ract a b o y/w hat t he y like WH A T B OY S H A T E : What b e havio rs b o ys find u nat t ract ive

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40 C OM M U N IC A T ION : What b o ys act io ns me an and ho w and w he n t o have o p e n co mmu nicat io n G OOD /B A D B OY FR IE N D S : H o w g o o d o r b ad a b o yfrie nd /p o t e nt ial b o yfrie nd is D OIN G T H E WOR K : Who as ks fo r d at e s p ays make s t e le p ho ne calls P H Y S IC A L IT Y : What ru le s e xis t fo r acce p t ab le s e xu al co nt act in d at ing re lat io ns hip s One t act ic S e ve nt e e n u s e s t o au g me nt t he cre d ib ilt y o f t he inclu d e d ad vice is t o inclu d e q u o t e s s u p p o s e d ly fro m t e e nag e b o ys and g irls I have inclu d e d t he s u p p o s e d name and ag e o f t e e nag e r w ho are q u o t e d in q u o t e s as I canno t b e s u re t hat t he s e are le g it imat e q u o t at io ns Ove rall, S e ve nt e e n p ro mo t e s e q u ally s hare d ro le s as no ne o f t he me nt io ne d b e havio rs as s o ciat ing are e xp licit ly as s ig ne d t o o ne g e nd e r; ho w e ve r, t he au t ho rs p re s e nt at io n o ve rw he lming ly d is co u rag e s o p e n co nve rs at io n b e t w e e n g e nd e rs cre at ing a d is t inct s e p arat io n b e t w e e n t he t w o t he art icle s are w rit t e n in s u ch an inco ns is t e nt w ay as t o fo s t e r ins e cu rit y in g irls re g ard ing cro s s g e nd e r e ng ag e me n t S TATU S A cco rd ing t o S e ve nt e e n t he s t at u s o f a co u p le o r d e finit io n o f t he t yp e o f re lat io ns hip t he y have is ve ry imp o rt ant fo r hig h s cho o l g irls as in hig h s cho o l

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41 it 's all ab o u t g e t t ing a b o yfrie nd (M e t z, A ll A b o u t G u ys 2008). T he mag azine p ro vid e s a u s e fu l g u id e fo r t ho s e co nfu s e d ab o u t all o f t he variat io ns o f ro mant ic re lat io ns hip s in hig h s cho o l (co nt ras t ing t he t w o cat e g o rie s in t he 1950s : p laying t he fie ld and g o ing s t e ad y): H A N G IN G OU T Y o u flirt like crazy e ve ry t ime yo u s e e e ach o t he r -and w he ne ve r yo u r cre w p lans s o me t hing fu n, he as ks aro u nd o r calls t o make s u re yo u 're g o ing T A L K IN G Y o u 're in co ns t ant co nt act : E ve n w he n yo u d o n't s e e e ach o t he r in s cho o l, yo u t e xt b ack and fo rt h all d ay lo ng and he p o s t s g o o fy me s s ag e s o n yo u r Fac e b o o k. H OOK IN G U P Y o u 're d e finit e ly at t ract e d t o e ach o t he r, and t hing s have g o t t e n p hys ical. B u t yo u 're no t co mmit t e d ye t and b o t h o f yo u co u ld b e flirt ing w it h o t he r p e o p le D A T IN G H e 's t o ld yo u he like s yo u and yo u t hink t hing s co u ld g e t s e rio u s s o yo u 've p lanne d s o me act u al d at e s t o g e t t o kno w e ach o t he r e ve n b e t t e r. B u t yo u have n't had t he b o yfrie nd /g irlfrie nd t alk ye t s o t hing s are n't o fficially o fficial." G OIN G OU T Y o u 've b e e n o u t t hre e o r fo u r t ime s yo u t alk o n t he p ho ne almo s t e ve ry nig ht and ne it he r o ne o f yo u make s p lans fo r t he w e e ke nd w it ho u t che cking w it h t he o t he r firs t Y o u 're b o t h t hinking ab o u t making a re al co mmit me nt M A JOR C OM M IT M E N T Y o u 're a co u p le Y o u 've me t his family and he 's me t yo u rs Y o u kno w e ach o t he r s o w e ll, and he e ve n cho o s e s nig ht s w it h yo u o ve r hang ing o u t w it h t he g u ys !" (N u s s b au m, What s U p w it h Y o u T w o ? 2008) A t t he g o ing o u t p o int 3 4 d at e s g irls are t o ld t he y can chang e [t he ir int e rne t re lat io ns hip ] s t at u s N o w t hat yo u 've hu ng o u t s e ve ral t ime s y o u 're re ad y t o d is cu s s b e ing e xclu s ive (B e ns o n, A vo id P ro file P it falls 2008). B y e nco u rag ing g irls t o d e fine t he ir re lat io ns hip s in hig hly vis ib le w ays s u ch as o n

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42 s o cial ne t w o rking w e b s it e s like M ys p ace and Face b o o k, and t he re fo re s aying w hich re lat io ns hip s are e s p e cially w o rt h s haring info rmat io n ab o u t S e ve nt e e n le g it imize s t he s u p re macy o f e xclu s ive d at ing fo r g irls In t he co nt e xt o f t his mag azine t he final t yp e o f re lat io ns hip majo r co mmit me nt ," is o b vio u s ly t he g o al t o w hich g irls s ho u ld b e a s p iring in t he ir lo ve live s Ou t s id e o f t hat s o le e xclamat io n mark o f yo u 're a co u p le !" like it 's a re lie f and a g re at achie ve me nt t he re are no marke rs o f ju d g me nt affiliat e d w it h any o f t he s o rt s o f re lat io ns hip s S o le ly p hys ical re lat io ns hip s ho o ki ng u p ," are co mmo n e no u g h t o b e re co g nize d b u t w he t he r t he y are re ally s o cially acce p t ab le fo r a t e e nag e r t o e ng ag e in is u nkno w n. T he lis t ho w e ve r, make s d e cip he ring t he mag azine and my s u b s e q u e nt analys is mu ch e as ie r. WH AT B OYS L I K E S e ve nt e e n d e s c rib e s many, o ft e n co nt rad ict o ry, w ays fo r g irls t o at t ract b o ys w ays t o make b o ys like t he m, and b e havio rs b o ys e s p e cially like in g irls T he t hre e cat e g o rie s are in fact d is t inct and e xhib it a p ro g re s s io n s imilar t o t he fo rmat io n o f a re lat io ns hip W ays fo r g irls t o at t ract b o ys t o t he m invo lve cap t u ring t he ir at t e nt io n, making t he b o ys w ant t o t alk t o t he m, and are g e ne rally no n ve rb al; w ays g irls can make b o ys like t he m re q u ire s mo re co nt act b e t w e e n t he t w o t e e nag e rs and are re ally w ays t o ke e p a b o y int e re s t e d ; b e havio rs b o ys e s p e cially like are g e ne rally s u p p o rt b e havio rs t hat make a b o y fe e l p art icu larly s p e cial. Ve ry fe w o f any o f t he s e p re s crib e d me t ho d s invo lve a g irl's o w n

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43 p e rs o nalit y and are ins t e ad p e rfo rmance s t o cre at e o r maint ain a re lat io ns hip w it h a b o y. In o rd e r t o init ially at t ract b o ys S e ve nt e e n ins t ru ct s g irls in t he w ays o f no nve rb al co mmu nicat io n and vag u e act io n. T he ins t ru ct io ns w he n s p e cific, p ro mo t e t he g irls g e t t ing b o ys t o t alk t o t he m, rat he r t han g irls init iat ing co nt a ct In o ne ins t ance t o ld t hat b o ys are d raw n t o a g irl w ho is n't afraid t o b e b o ld (B e ns o n, G u y S e cre t s N o One E ve r T o ld Y o u 2009), in many o t he rs S e ve nt e e n s ays g u ys like g irls w ho have an air o f mys t e ry" (B e ns o n, What 's K illing Y o u r G ame ? 2008) b e cau s e t he b o ys are int rig u e d b y g irls w ho make t he m w o rk fo r t he ir at t e nt io n (B e ns o n, T he R u le s o f A t t ract io n" 2008; N u s s b au m, Y o u r S u mme r o f L o ve 2008). A g irl can s ho w t his d is int e re s t b y t alking t o b o ys o t he r t han t he o ne s he is t rying t o at t ract as it e nco u rag e s him t o fe e l co mp e t it ive w it h t he s e o t he r b o ys and b e co me mo re int e re s t e d in he r (B e ns o n, What 's K illing Y o u r G ame ? 2008; B e ns o n, T he R u le s o f A t t ract io n" 2008). S he can b e act ive w it h t he b o ys in w ho m s he is no t int e re s t e d b u t is e nco u rag e d t o w ait fo r t he b o y in w ho m s he is t o make t he firs t mo ve S e ve nt e e n als o t e lls g irls t hat lo o king at a b o y, t he n p re t e nd ing t hat t he y w e re no t lo o king and t he n lo o king ag ain w ill incit e int e re s t in a b o y, cau s ing him t o w ant t o t alk t o he r (B e ns o n, D o n't T ake T his A d vice !" 2008; B e ns o n, T he R u le s o f A t t ract io n" 2008). G irls are e nco u rag e d t o e ng ag e in a ce rt ain p as s ive act io n, w he re t he y co ns cio u s ly t ry t o s p u r a b o y t o ap p ro ach t he m, as a me ans o f re ce iving male int e re s t in co nt ras t t o t he no n s p e cific ins t ru ct io n o f b o ld ne s s

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44 Once in s o me s o rt o f re lat io ns hip b o ys like re ce iving mild s e xu al at t e nt io n and g irls w ho t ake a s t ro ng int e re s t in t he ir live s P u b lic d is p lays o f affe ct io n make him fe e l like a s t u d !" (B e ns o n, B e t he U lt imat e G irl frie nd 2009) ind icat ing a p e rce ive d male t ie b e t w e e n vis ib le s e xu al at t ract ive ne s s and in a s e ns e p ro w e s s and e g o B o ys like flirt y t e xt me s s ag e s and no t e s (B e ns o n, B e t he U lt imat e G irlfrie nd 2009; M e t z, What H e Want s T his Y e ar!" 2008), g iving g irls b o t h a w ay t o init iat e co nt act w it h b o ys and e xp re s s s e xu al at t ract io n. G irls are t o ld t hat t aking an int e re s t in a b o y's int e re s t s w ill make him like he r mo re A w e s o me g irlfrie nd s che e r fo r t he ir b o yfrie nd s at s p o rt s e ve ns o r b and p e rfo rmance s (B e ns o n, B e t he U lt imat e G irlfrie nd 2009). T he y ackno w le d g e t hat g u ys like t o s t ay act ive ," p art icip at e in t he s e act ivit ie s and can t alk ab o u t s p o rt s and his o t he r int e re s t s (C raw fo rd G e t t he H ard t o G e t G u y" 2008; S he ckle r, H o w t o B e a C o o l G irlfrie nd 2008). G irls are no t t o ld t hat s haring t he ir o w n int e re s t s w ill int rig u e b o ys making t he s e int e ract io ns in a w ay o ne s id e d and d e fining t he g irl in t he re lat io ns hip b y he r b o yfrie nd B o ys like it w he n g irls w it h w ho m t he y are in re lat io ns hip s s ho w t he m s e xu al at t e nt io n, and b e co me int e re s t e d in t he ir live s p e rhap s w it ho u t s haring t he g irls o w n live s S e ve nt e e n s imu lt ane o u s ly ins t ru ct s g irls t o b e b o ld and mys t e rio u s in o rd e r t o at t ract a b o y, b u t o ffe rs lit t le ad vice o n w hat t he co u nt e r he t e ro no rmat iv e b o ld e nt ails G irls fu rt he r le arn t hat o ffe ring s e xu al at t e nt io n t o and e ng ag ing in t he int e re s t s o f b o ys g ive s t he m g o o d g irlfrie nd s t at u s w it ho u t b u rd e ning b o ys w it h t alking ab o u t t he ms e lve s

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45 WH AT B OYS H ATE T he b e havio rs t hat S e ve nt e e n ins is t s re p e l b o ys o r cau s e t he m t o lo s e int e re s t are almo s t all p re d ict ab le fro m a he t e ro no rmat ive p e rs p e ct ive and are t e lling ab o u t b o t h t he e xp e ct at io ns fo r b o ys and g irls A ve ry s mall nu mb e r o f e xp licit d is like s o p e nly d e fy he t e ro no rmat ivit y, s u ch as b o ys d i s liking w he n g irls d o no t vo ice t he ir o p inio n. B o ys p art icu larly malig n any fe male b e havio rs t hat e ve n vag u e ly ind icat e any kind o f p ro mis cu it y o r s e xu al init iat ive inclu d ing ce rt ain ap p e arance s e xce s s ive flirt ing and co nve rs at io ns ab o u t s e x. A s fo r s ho w ing o ff a lo t o f s kin o r w e aring a lo t o f make u p D anie l, 18 is q u o t e d as s aying it lo o ks t as t e le s s like t he y're ju s t t rying t o ho o k u p I w o u ld n't w ant t o b e s e e n w it h a g irl w ho lo o ks like t hat ." (L o ve L e s s o ns fro m...B ro d y Je nne r 2007; B e ns o n, T he R u le s o f A t t ract io n 2008). S o le ly b as e d o n he r ap p e arance a g irl's mo t ivat io ns are as s u me d and ju d g e d If o ne as s u me s s e xu al mo t ivat io n, s he is no t re s p e ct ab le and it w o u ld b e e mb arras s ing t o g o o u t w it h he r. Fe male d e s ire fo r any s e xu al co nt act inclu d ing ju s t kis s ing is s u ch a b lat ant d is re g ard o f he t e ro no rmat ive s t and ard s as t o b e u nacce p t ab le w he n no t ke p t s e cre t inclu d ing p re ve nt ing anyo ne fro m as s u ming s u ch d e s ire S e xu al init iat ive and no n mo no g amo u s flirt at io n als o re p e l b o ys b as e d o n t h e ir d e viat io n fro m he t e ro no rmat ive s t and ard s D anie l, 21 s ays g irls w ho flirt w it h e ve ry g u y in t he ro o m s e e m like t he y'd t hro w t he ms e lve s at anyb o d y. A nd w he n a g irl is all o ve r yo u I w o nd e r, H o w many

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46 p e o p le have yo u d o ne t his t o ? (B e ns o n, T he R u le s o f A t t ract io n 2008). Whe n a g irl t ake s s e xu al init iat ive t he e ve r imp o rt ant q u e s t io n o f he r p u rit y aris e s A p u re g irl w o u ld no t b e all o ve r" a b o y; fe male p u rit y has s o cial valu e s o a g irl fo r w ho m t hat is e ve n a q u e s t io n is w o rt h le s s in t he e ye s o f b o ys t han o ne w ho m t he y d o no t q u e s t io n. P e rvas ive s t at e me nt s like t ho s e in t he q u o t e ab o ve ke e p g irls fro m making as many s e xu al ad vance s and maint ain t he he t e ro no rmat ive s t at u s q u o Whe n g irls t alk ab o u t s e x re ally cas u ally, it mig ht b e e nt e rt ain ing b u t it s e e ms s lu t t y" (B e ns o n, T he R u le s o f A t t ract io n 2008); w hile b e ing ab le t o d is cu s s s e x cas u ally may b e an ind icat o r o f s e cu rit y w it h t he t o p ic, and p e rhap s e ve n a le ve l o f w e ll ad ju s t me nt g irls are no t e xp e ct e d o r s o cially p e rmit t e d t o b e co m fo rt ab le d is cu s s ing s e x, as he t e ro no rmat ive cu lt u re allo w s d e s ire o nly fro m b o ys A g irl d is cu s s ing it t he re fo re is p re s u me d t o have e ng ag e d in a lo t o f s e xu al act ivit y and is s lu t t y." G irls e xp re s s io ns o f s e xu al d e s ire w he t he r o ve rt o r as s u me d b y a p p e arance o r co nve rs at io n t o p ics s t ill cau s e o t he rs t o d e nig rat e t he m, as t he y d e viat e fro m co nt e mp o rary s o cial s t and ard s o f fe male p u rit y. A no t he r fre q u e nt ly me nt io ne d d is like o f b o ys is g irls b e ing p o s s e s s ive (B e ns o n, H is B ig g e s t T u rno ff! 2009), w h ich hig hlig ht s t he e xp e ct at io n t hat re lat io ns hip s are e xclu s ive ly ap p e aling t o g irls Je alo u s y, a nat u ral hu man re s p o ns e is d is co u rag e d b e cau s e in t he cas e o f o t he r g irls flirt ing w it h o ne 's b o yfrie nd he mig ht fe e l s mo t he re d and yo u 'll e nd u p p u s hing him aw ay" (M e t z, C u t e G irls K e e p Flirt ing w it h M y G u y! 2008). N o t liking t hat a b o y w it h w ho m o ne is in an e xclu s ive re lat io ns hip e njo ys at t e nt io n he re ce ive s fro m o t he r g irls

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47 and having an at t it u d e t hat mig ht limit his ab ilit y t o ind u lg e t hat mig ht e nd t he re lat io ns hip B o ys s ho u ld b e ab le t o e ng ag e in flirt ing w it h any g irl t he y w ant w hile g irls are limit e d t o t he ir s ing le p art ne r w he n in s u ch an e xclu s ive re lat io ns hip One art icle e ve n s t at e s no t t o p u t t o o mu ch p re s s u re o n a g u y" (H o w t o B e a G re at D at e 2008) w he n g e t t ing t o kno w a b o y o ne o n o ne T he amb ig u it y w o rks in favo r o f d is co u rag ing g irls fro m t alking ab o u t re lat io ns hip s w it h b o ys and t he re fo re t aking any init iat ive t hat is no t o n t he s e avo id ant t e rms G u ys s ay g irls nu mb e r o ne t e xt ing mis t ake is no t b e ing flirt at io u s e no u g h s o t he y ju s t lo s e int e re s t (B e ns o n, H o w t o S e nd t he Flirt ie s t T xt M s g 2008). In o ne w ay, t his d ire ct ly co nt rad ict s t he he t e ro no rmat ive co nce p t b y ad d re s s ing t he acce p t ab ilit y o f g irls b e ing ve ry fl irt at io u s w hich is a d is p lay o f a t yp e o f ag g re s s io n; ho w e ve r, it o ve rw he lming ly ad he re s t o t he co nce p t b e cau s e it s ays t hat no t o nly is it t he fe male 's jo b t o maint ain male int e re s t and t hu s t he re lat io ns hip b u t als o t hat b o ys int e re s t is he ld o nly b y t he p o t e nt ial fo r p hys ical co nt act B o ys w ant ing g irls t o co me u p w it h id e as fo r d at e s co nt rad ict s t he he t e ro no rmat ive e xp e ct at io n t hat g irls mu s t b e p as s ive re ce ive rs o f b o ys act io ns and id e as B o ys w o u ld rat he r g irls vo ice [t he ir] o p inio n and have a s ay in t he re lat io ns hip (M e t z, M y B ig g e s t D at ing P e t P e e ve s 2008), in p art b e cau s e it make s it e as ie r fo r t he b o ys t o p le as e t he ir d at e s (M e t z, Y o u r T o p 5 G u y Qu e s t io ns A ns w e re d 2008). T his at t it u d e ind icat e s t hat in g e ne ral, t e e nag e rs d o no t ad he re t o s o me t rad it io nal he t e ro no rmat ive ro le s

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48 S e ve nt e e n inclu d e s w arning s fo r g irls ab o u t w hat b e havio rs w ill re p e l b o ys w hich g e ne rally are t rans g re s s io ns ag ains t he t e ro no rmat ivit y, like s ho w ing s e xu al int e re s t o r init iat ive ins inu at ing t hat re lat io n s hip s are no t ju s t t he jo b s o f g irls and no t ap p e aling s u b t ly t o t he male lib id o t o maint ain his int e re s t C OMMU N I C ATI ON T w o majo r t yp e s o f art icle s in S e ve nt e e n mag azine are s crip t s and d e co d ing g u id e s S e ve nt e e n fre q u e nt ly p ro vid e s g irls w it h s u g g e s t io ns fo r e xact ly w hat t o s ay, o r t e xt t o b o ys t o make t he m int e re s t e d A d d it io nally, it inclu d e s e nt ire g u id e s ab o u t t he minu t e b e havio rs o f b o ys (kis s ing t e chniq u e s me t ho d s o f hand ho ld ing ) and ho w e ach variat io n can b e int e rp re t e d S e ve nt e e n fe at u re s co nt rad ict o ry art icle s re g ard ing co mmu nicat io n. One o f t he mo s t fre q u e nt t yp e s o f art icle s in t he mag azine d e co d ing male b e havio r, imp licit ly d is co u rag e s co nve rs at io n ab o u t fe e ling s as a co u p le ins t e ad t e aching g irls t o int e rp re t b o d y lang u ag e and s p e e c h t o fig u re o u t ho w he re ally" fe e ls o r w hat he re ally me ans (B e ns o n, B ack t o S cho o l L o ve D rama 2008; B e ns o n, D e co d e Y o u r D at e 2008; B e ns o n, Writ e Y o u r Flirt ie s t Y e arb o o k M e s s ag e 2008; B e ns o n, Why G u ys D u mp G irls T he y S t ill L ike 2009; M e t z, C ra ck t he B ro C o d e 2008; M e t z, Why D id n t H e M ake a M o ve ? 2008; M e t z, D o e s H e R e ally L ike Y o u ? 2009; M e t z, Is H e L ying t o Y o u ? 2009; M e t z, S ne aky Ways t o T e ll... 2009; N u s s b au m, D o Y o u G ive L o ve a S e co nd C hance 2008; N u s s b au m, What s U p w it h Y o u T w o ? 2008); t his p ro mo t e d d e t e ct ive w o rk b y g irls fo s t e rs a

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49 g irls ve rs u s b o ys at t it u d e in ro mant ic re lat io ns hip s w hich e nab le s t he co nt inu at io n o f s e p arat e g e nd e r ro le s and inhib it s g e nd e r e g alit arianis m. Firs t it imp lie s t hat all b o ys are t he s ame and s imp le e no u g h t hat t he re are o nly o ne t o t hre e e xp lanat io ns fo r t he w ays in w hich t he y int e ract w it h g irls If a g u y s it s ne xt t o yo u (no t acro s s fro m yo u ), he 's t rying t o p ro ve ho w mu ch he like s yo u (M e t z, D o e s H e R e ally L ike Y o u ? 2009). S e co nd it b acks t he as s u mp t io n t hat b o ys are no t int e re s t e d in re lat io ns hip s b e yo nd t he ir p o t e nt ial fo r s e xu al g rat ificat io n and s t at u s w hile g irls are mo re inve s t e d in t he e mo t io nal s id e ; t he re fo re t o avo id t he afo re me nt io ne d s mo t he ring (M e t z, C u t e G irls K e e p Flirt ing w it h M y G u y! 2008), g irls mu s t d e cip he r t he b o ys e mo t io ns b y t he ms e lve s ins t e ad o f s imp ly as king Fu rt he rmo re no ne o f S e ve nt e e n 's re as o ns fo r w hy he d id n't make a mo ve (M e t z, Why D id n t H e M ake a M o ve ? 2008), he act s d iffe re nt at s cho o l" (B e ns o n, B ack t o S cho o l L o ve D rama 2008), o r he b ro ke u p w it h yo u (B e ns o n, Why G u ys D u mp G irls T he y S t ill L ike 2009) inclu d e he ju s t d o e s no t like yo u ; ins t e ad t he y cit e he had b ad b re at h," he 's ins e cu re (M e t z, Why D id n t H e M ake a M o ve ? 20 08), he 's fe e ling a macho ne e d t o s ho w his b u d d ie s t hat he s t ill has mo re lo yalt y t o t he m t han yo u (B e ns o n, B ack t o S cho o l L o ve D rama 2008), he d o e s n't have t ime ," o r he 's b ro ke (B e ns o n, Why G u ys D u mp G irls T he y S t ill L ike 2009). While t his is ce rt ainly a w ay t o d is co u rag e lo w s e lf e s t e e m, as it p re s e nt s g irls w it h alt e rnat ive e xp lanat io ns t han s e lf b lame it claims t hat all g irls can b e like d b y all b o ys if t he b o y d o e s no t have p e rs o nal p ro b le ms T his is

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50 no t o nly co nt rad ict o ry o f mu ch o f t he m ag azine b u t als o hig hly u nre alis t ic. C o mmu nicat io n is s o s t ig mat ize d t hat a b o y w ho d ivu lg e s d e t ails ab o u t his re lat io ns hip w it h his cu rre nt g irlfrie nd t o a fe male frie nd is d e e me d a b ad b o yfrie nd and e mo t io nal[ly] che at ing (B e ns o n, Fo rb id d e n L o ve 2008). A s a re s u lt o f d is co u rag ing int e r g e nd e r co mmu nicat io n, g irls co nt inu e t o b e lie ve t hat b o ys are inhe re nt ly d iffe re nt t han t he y, and are t he re fo re co nfu s ing in s p it e o f t he fact t hat e ach o ne can b e analyze d in t he s ame w ay. N u s s b au m ad mit s t hat t rying t o d e cip he r his s ig nals le ave s yo u e ve n mo re co nfu s e d (N u s s b au m, What s U p w it h Y o u T w o ? 2008), b u t in t he s ame art icle t e lls g irls ho w t o d e co d e t he w ay b o ys ho ld t he ir hand imp lying t hat t his d e cip he ring is in fact ne ce s s ary w he n d e aling w it h b o ys GOOD /B AD B OYF R I EN D S T he ne e d a b o yfrie nd me nt alit y in hig h s cho o l g irls (M e t z, A ll A b o u t G u ys 2008) e vo ke s a s o rt o f d e s p e rat io n e xe mp lifie d b y ho w S e ve nt e e n e nco u rag e s g irls t o lo o k at all b o ys as b o yfrie nd mat e rial (B e ns o n, L o ve R e s o lu t i o ns 2007; B e ns o n, M ake Ove r Y o u r L o ve L ife 2008). B y co ns id e ring t he s e b o ys in a ro mant ic s e ns e e ve n if w it ho u t t he b o yfrie nd d e s p e rat io n and p re s s u re g irls w o u ld no t find t he m at t ract ive g irls w ill re alize t hat [t he ir] w o rld is fu ll o f re lat io ns hip s w ait ing t o hap p e n" (B e ns o n, M ake Ove r Y o u r L o ve L ife 2008) and all g u ys have lo ve and hu g s t o g ive !" (B e ns o n, L o ve R e s o lu t io ns 2007) T he s e are no t acco rd ing t o S e ve nt e e n t he o nly crit e ria fo r b e ing a g o o d

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51 b o yfrie nd A g o o d b o yfrie nd is re q u ire d t o g o t hro u g h t he mo s t s u p e rficial mo t io ns While g irls mu s t p hys ically s ho w s u p p o rt (B e ns o n, B e t he U lt imat e G irlfrie nd 2009) and t rad it io nally nu rt u ring b e havio rs (M cC art ne y, G e t H im t o R e ve al H is S w e e t S id e 2008) (B e ns o n, B e t he U lt imat e G irlf rie nd 2009) b o ys mu s t care fu lly flat t e r and e ng ag e in t yp ical g e nt le manly" act io ns (M e t z, Find an A mazing B o yfrie nd 2009) t hat p u t g irls in p as s ive p ro t e ct e d ro le s T o g e t t his g o o d b o yfrie nd s t at u s S e ve nt e e n inclu d e s an art icle t hat g irls are in s t ru ct e d t o s ho w t he ir b o yfrie nd s p ro vid ing a lis t o f co mp lime nt s fo r g irls t o g ive t o [t he ir] g u y[s ]" (B e ns o n, I L o ve Whe n H e S ays ... 2007), s o t he b o ys can kno w e xact ly w hich s e nt e nce s g irls like t o he ar, like ho w g o o d t he ir s hamp o o s me lls and t hat t he b o ys mo ms like t he m. T he e xis t e nce o f t his art icle ackno w le d g e s t hat b o ys als o ne e d re lat io ns hip ad vice in s p it e o f t he d e art h o f o fficial p u b licat io ns fo r t he m, t ho u g h t hat t he g irl is e xp e ct e d t o p ro vid e him w it h t his s crip t maint ains t hat it t he g irl's ne e d fo r t he e mo t io nal int imacy o f a re lat io ns hip t hat maint ains it A d d it io nally, g irls s ho u ld e xp e ct g o o d b o yfrie nd s t o w alk o n t he ro ad s id e w he n [t he y are ] w alking t o g e t he r o n t he s id e w alk," ho ld o p e n t he car d o o r" fo r t he m, and s e e m p ro t e c t ive o f his s is t e rs (M e t z, Find an A mazing B o yfrie nd 2009). A ll o f t he s e act io ns re q u ire a d e s ire fo r he t e ro no rmat ivit y, as t he g irl mu s t re main p as s ive and d e s ire t he b o y t o e xe rcis e t he s ame p ro t e ct ive ne s s o f he r, as b y t his d e finit io n, g irls ar e w e ake r t han b o ys and ne e d p ro t e ct ing A n e xt ra s p e cial b o yfrie nd s u rp ris e s his g irlfrie nd w it h cu t e no t e s and flo w e rs (M e t z, Find an A mazing B o yfrie nd 2009), in o t he r w o rd s an as s e rt ive b e ne fact o r.

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52 E xp licit ly b ad b o yfrie nd b e havio rs have s o me co n ne ct io n t o p hys ical int imacy and t he he t e ro no rmat ive ne e d o f g irls fo r e mo t io nal, rat he r t han p hys ical, re lat io ns hip s T he mag azine 's acce p t ance o f ho o king u p re lat io ns hip s in co nt ras t w it h t his p art icu lar at t it u d e can le ave g irls w o nd e ring e ve n in t he co nt e xt o f ho w t o d e cid e w hat b o ys are w o rt h t he ir t ime w hat b e havio rs are acce p t ab le fro m t he m. While b o yfrie nd d e s p e rat io n is e nd o rs e d fo r g irls t he s ame in b o ys is u nacce p t ab le A ny g u y w ho can't ke e p his hand s t o hims e lf o r is t o o q u ick t o s ay t h at he w ant s t o b e w it h yo u fo re ve r w ill" b e a b ad b o yfrie nd b e cau s e it 's an ind icat o r t hat all he 's re ally int e re s t e d in is g e t t ing a g irlfrie nd -and any g irl he find s w ill d o (M e t z, H e ll B e a G o o d B o yfrie nd 2008). G irls w ho ne e d e mo t io nal re lat io ns hip s mu s t fe e l like s p e cial lit t le s no w flake s b e fo re g iving int o b o ys ne e d s fo r p hys ical re lat io ns hip s If a b o y d is mis s e s t hat ne e d he is no t w o rt hy. T his d o e s no t fit w it h ho o king u p re lat io ns hip s and s e rve s t o e xe mp lify t he mixt u re o f he avily he t e ro no rmat ive me s s ag e s ab o u t p u rit y, and t he mo re p ro g re s s ive o ne s t hat ackno w le d g e fe male s e xu al d e s ire N u s s b au m lo o ks t o s e al t his d is cre p ancy b y s aying It 's a b ad s ig n if a g u y is o kay ho o king u p w it h yo u b u t p re t e nd s he d o e s n't kno w yo u in fro nt o f his frie nd s T his g u y is ju s t having fu n: H e d o e s n't w ant anyt hing s e rio u s M o ve o n!" (N u s s b au m, What s U p w it h Y o u T w o ? 2008). While ig no ring s o me o ne is ve ry ru d e t he re as o ning g ive n fo r w hy it is u nacce p t ab le d is re g ard s t his in favo r o f he t e ro no rma t ive s t and ard s G irls s ho u ld o nly e ng ag e in t he s e ho o k u p re lat io ns hip s if t he re is p o t e nt ial fo r s o me t hing s e rio u s ." P hys ical re lat io ns hip s are ju s t having fu n" fo r b o ys b u t are

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53 ind u lg ing male lib id o fo r mo re e mo t io nal e nd s fo r g irls ; t he re is no re c o g nize d p o s s ib ilit y t hat t he g irl co u ld ju s t b e having fu n" as w e ll. B o ys g irls s ho u ld no t g e t invo lve d w it h ig no re t he d e mand fo r fe male p u rit y o u t s id e o f e mo t io nal re lat io ns hip s D OI N G TH E WOR K G o ing o n d at e s g e ne rally invo lve s a ce rt ain s crip t S o m e o ne mu s t init iat e co nt act T w o p e o p le mu s t ag re e t o make a d at e w it h o ne p e rs o n as king t he o t he r. S o me o ne o r b o t h t o g e t he r mu s t d e cid e w hat t o d o o n t he d at e If t he d at e co s t s mo ne y, s o me o ne mu s t p ay. S o me o ne s ho u ld call t he o t he r aft e rw ard if t he d at e w as s u cce s s fu l. H e t e ro no rmat ive s t and ard s d ict at e t hat male s mu s t b e act ive in all o f t he s e cat e g o rie s : as king g irls o u t d e cid ing act ivit ie s p aying calling C o nt e mp o rary g irls ho w e ve r, are s o cially p e rmit t e d t o b e act ive in all o f t he s e re alms (M e t z, S ne aky Ways t o T e ll... 2009). It is s o o b vio u s (t o s o me o ne s p e cifically lo o king ) t hat t rad it io nal g e nd e r ro le s re ce ive p re fe re nce t ho u g h, cre at ing t he s o rt o f inco ns is t e ncy charact e ris t ic o f S e ve nt e e n G irls can make t he firs t mo ve and init iat e c o nt act w it h a b o y cas u ally" (B e ns o n, P lan t he Flirt ie s t S u mme r N ig ht 2008; B e ns o n, S ay t he Flirt ie s t T hing s 2008; C raw fo rd H o w t o G e t t he H ard t o G e t G u y 2008). T he y can as k t o b o rro w p e ncils (B e ns o n, L o ve R e s o lu t io ns 2007), accid e nt ally" hit b o ys w it h fris b e e s (B e ns o n, G e t A ny G u y at t he B e ach 2008), s ay hi (L o ve L e s s o ns fro m...B ro d y Je nne r 2007; B e ns o n, M ake Ove r Y o u r L o ve L ife 2008), o r as k

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54 him ab o u t hims e lf (B e ns o n, G e t A ny G u y at t he B e ach ). A b o y as king a g irl t o call hi m lat e r is no t p re fe rab le b e cau s e he s t ill w ant s [he r] t o d o t he w o rk" (B e ns o n, Writ e Y o u r Flirt ie s t Y e arb o o k M e s s ag e 2008). T o as k a b o y o u t a g irl can invit e him t o hang o u t w it h a b u nch o f frie nd s and t he n g e t him alo ne (B e ns o n, P lan t he Flirt ie s t S u mme r N ig ht 2008; C raw fo rd H o w t o G e t t he H ard t o G e t G u y 2008), o r make t he invit at io n s e e m mo re fo r he r co nve nie nce like I have an e xt ra t icke t fo r t his b and (C raw fo rd H o w t o G e t t he H ard t o G e t G u y 2008). G irls are no t e nco u rag e d t o d o t he t rad it io nal w ill yo u g o o u t fo r d inne r w it h me ? On a d at e invit at io n. T hat is re s e rve d fo r b o ys w ho m g irls are e nco u rag e d t o manip u lat e int o as king t he m o u t b y hint ing ab o u t t hing s t he y w o u ld like t o d o fo r ins t ance s e e a p art icu lar mo vie o r b and (B e ns o n, M ake H im A s k Y o u Ou t 2008; N u s s b au m, Y o u r S u mme r o f L o ve 2008), and ju s t ho p ing t he b o ys w ill t ake act io n. Init iat ing co nt act and as king fo r d at e s is fairly e g alit arian g e nd e r w is e b u t as king fo r re al" d at e s is s t ill t he d o main o f b o ys G irl s are als o e nco u rag e d t o cho o s e act ivit ie s fo r d at e s e s p e cially w he n as ke d t o co nt rib u t e Ins t e ad o f t he p as s ive w hat e ve r yo u w ant t o d o ," a mo re act ive act u al s u g g e s t io n is p re fe rab le (B e ns o n, L o ve R e s o lu t io ns 2007; M e t z, M y B ig g e s t D at ing P e t P e e ve s 2008). T ho u g h a b o y p aying fo r a d at e is him d o ing s o me t hing nice (M e t z, M y B ig g e s t D at ing P e t P e e ve s 2008), rat he r t han alw ays e xp e ct e d and s p lit t ing t he b ill is mo re co mmo n, a p o s it ive as s o ciat io n w it h mas cu line co nt ro l o f finance s e xi s t s G irlfrie nd s are e xp e ns ive (B e ns o n, Why G u ys D u mp G irls T he y S t ill

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55 L ike 2009) as e vid e nce d b y t he o ve rw he lming p o s it ivit y framing t he s t at is t ic 49% [o f b o ys ] s p e nd mo re t han $50 t o t ake [a g irl] o u t o n a d at e !" (M e t z, R e ad H is M ind 2008). A b o y w ho ne ve r p ays is no t re g ard e d as inve s t e d in t he re lat io ns hip and may ne e d re p lacing w it h a b e t t e r b o yfrie nd !" (M e t z, H e lp M y B o yfrie nd N e ve r P ays 2007) A s s u ch, if a b o y re ally like s a g irl he w ill p ay fo r b o t h me als (H o w t o T e ll If H e s T o t ally Int o Y o u 2007). It is w o rt h no t ing t hat b o ys like it w he n g irls p ay o nce in a w hile (B e ns o n, B e t he U lt imat e G irlfrie nd 2009), as it ind icat e s s o me d e viat io n fro m t rad it io nal ro le s ; ho w e ve r, t he valu e o f b o t h b o ys and g irls g e ne rally d e p e nd s s o me w hat o n ho w mu ch t he b o y s p e nd s o n a d at e A cco rd ing t o a p o ll inclu d e d in t he mag azine b o t h b o ys and g irls b e lie ve t hat b o ys s ho u ld make t he firs t co nt act aft e r a d at e (Y o u r H o o ku p C he at S he e t 2009). P H YS I C AL I TY P hys ical int imacy fo llo w s a fair ly t rad it io nal id e o lo g y: b o ys are p e rmit t e d mo re act ivit y and d e s ire t han g irls and g irls are g e ne rally d is co u rag e d fro m s ho w ing o ve rt d e s ire ; ho w e ve r, kis s ing o n d at e s is p re s e nt ly mains t re am (B e ns o n, D o Y o u T alk T o o M u ch A b o u t Y o u r G u y? 2009), as is g ive n t he at t e nt io n p aid t o it ho o king u p w hich ap p are nt ly co u nt e rs t his s o cially d e s irab le p u rit y (t ho u g h, as me nt io ne d if N u s s b au m is t o b e b e lie ve d g irls p art icip at io n has t he u nd e rlying mo t ive o f a fu t u re mo re s e rio u s re lat io ns hip [N u s s b au m,

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56 Wha t s U p w it h Y o u T w o ? 2008]). T his u nclarit y can le ave g irls u ns u re o f t he s o cial co ns e q u e nce s o f s e xu al act ivit y, w hat co ns e q u e nce s e ng ag ing t o p le as e t he e ve r lib id ino u s b o ys w ill have and w hat co ns e q u e nce s e ng ag ing t o p le as e t he ms e lve s w ill have S e v e nt e e n e nco u rag e s g irls t o fo s t e r re lat io ns hip s b e fo re having s e x (B e ns o n, D e co d e Y o u r D at e 2008; B e ns o n, G u y S e cre t s N o One E ve r T o ld Y o u 2009; B e ns o n, H o o ku p D o s D o n t s 2009), e ve n u s ing b o yfrie nd d e s p e rat io n as ju s t ificat io n, b y s aying b o ys w il l have mo re re s p e ct fo r yo u if yo u re fu s e t o ho o k u p w it ho u t g e t t ing int o a re lat io ns hip (B e ns o n, Ou t p lay t he P laye r 2009). Ins t e ad o f e ng ag ing in o ve rt s e xu alit y, g irls s ho u ld co me u p w it h s ne aky w ays t o t o u ch b o ys like p alm re ad ing T w is t e r o r mo vin g clo s e r t o t he m at t he mo vie s (B e ns o n, Warm U p Y o u r Wint e r! 2008; M e t z, M y B ig g e s t D at ing P e t P e e ve s 2008; N u s s b au m, What s U p w it h Y o u T w o ? 2008). T his p re s e rve s t he ir g o o d g irl ap p e arance b u t allo w s s o me d ive rg e nt e xp re s s io n o f int e re s t In o nly o ne ins t ance in t w o ye ars d o e s S e ve nt e e n e xp licit ly t e ll g irls t hat t he y may init iat e a kis s b e cau s e he 'll b e t u rne d o n b y yo u r co nfid e nce !" (N u s s b au m, Y o u r S u mme r o f L o ve 2008), ind icat ing it s u niq u e ne s s S e ve nt e e n p ro p ag at e s t he id e a t hat b o ys w ill d o anyt hing t o ke e p s e x g o ing (M e anle y, S e x L ie s H e T e lls Y o u 2008) and t hat t he ir s e xu al d e s ire is co mmo n and nat u ral. A g irl s ho u ld as s u me t hat a 19 ye ar o ld b o y has had s e x b e fo re (B e ns o n, G u y S e cre t s N o One E ve r T o ld Y o u 2009), and 36% o f b o y s claim t o have had s e x w it h s o me o ne t he y w o u ld no t d at e (M e t z, What I N e ve r

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57 T o ld M y E x 2008). While 57% w o u ld no t d o t his (Y o u r H o o ku p C he at S he e t 2009), t he he t e ro no rmat ive s u p p o s it io n t hat male s ne e d s e xu al co nt act re g ard le s s o f re lat io ns hip s t at u s s u p p o rt s t his b e havio r. M ino r" s e xu al act ivit y, like kis s ing is p re s u me d an acce p t ab le p ract ice in t e e nag e d at ing b u t fre q u e nt o ve rt fe male s e xu al d e s ire is no t ; in co nt ras t b o ys are e xp e ct e d t o w ant s e xu al act ivit y. H o o king u p re lat io ns hip s co mp o u nd t he co nfu s io n, b y e xis t ing as an e nt ire cat e g o ry o f re lat io ns hip in w hich g irls can, t o an e xt e nt s e xu ally e xp re s s t he ms e lve s C ON C L U S I ON S e ve nt e e n t he mo s t p o p u lar t e e nag e mag azine in t he U nit e d S t at e s in 2010, o ft e n inclu d e s d at ing and ro mant ic ad vice fo r it s fe male au d ie nce t hat d o e s mo re t o mu d d y t he is s u e s t han t o clarify ap p ro p riat e b e havio r. It imp licit ly p re s e nt s b o t h e q u al id e as o f g e nd e r e xp e ct at io ns and o ne s t hat s t rict ly ad he re t o he t e ro no rmat ive s t and ard s t hat d ict at e p as s ivit y in fe m ale s w hich fre q u e nt ly co nt rad ict e ach o t he r. T he mo s t e g alit arian ro le s are p e rmit t e d in t he fu nd ame nt als o f d at ing like as king s o me o ne o u t and t o an e xt e nt in w hat b o ys like C o mmu nicat io n is s u e s w hat b o ys d is like in g irls e xp e ct at io ns fo r b o yfri e nd s and s e xu alit y all he avily favo r u ne q u al s t and ard s u s u ally re vo lving aro u nd fe male s e xu al e xp re s s io n. T he s e u ne q u al s e xu al s t and ard s co nt ras t w it h t he ap p are nt acce p t ab ilit y o f p u re ly p hys ical re lat io ns hip s T he inco ns is t e ncie s in many o f t he s e cat e g o rie s co u ld le ave g irls w ho re ad S e ve nt e e n fo r ad vice

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58 co nfu s e d ab o u t s o cially acce p t ab le b e havio r in re lat io ns hip s w it h b o ys w hich co u ld co nt rib u t e t o t he ir p u rchas e o f mo re mag azine s in an at t e mp t t o g le an e ve n mo re info rmat io n t o re s o lve t he re s u lt ing s e lf d o u b t and u nce rt aint y.

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59 4 C o nclu s io ns L ife s t yle /d at ing g u id e s fro m t he 1950s and is s u e s o f S e ve nt e e n mag azine fro m 2007 2009 d iffe r s o me w hat in t e rms o f t he ir p e rmit t e d g e nd e r ro le s and p re s e nt at io ns While d at ing g u id e s ad he re s t rict ly t o s t and ard s o f he ro no rmat ivit y t hat e mp has ize male co nt ro l and ag g re s s io n and fe male acq u ie s ce nce S e ve nt e e n is in s o me w ays mo re p ro g re s s ive w it h are as t hat d o no t have s u ch rig id s e p arat ive ru le s b u t s o me co nt rad ict o ry o ne s T his inco ns is t e ncy, co nt ras t e d w it h t he 1950s ce rt aint y, e xp o s e s t he t e ns io n b e t w e e n maint aining t he s t at u s q u o o f g e nd e re d b e havio r, and e q u alizing t he s e arb it rarily g e nd e re d ro le s T he ru le s t hat have had any d u rat io n are mo re nu me ro u s t han t he chang e s w e s e e b e t w e e n t he t w o d e cad e s ; ho w e ve r, t he chang e s p ro ve mo re s ig nificant t han t he s imilarit ie s ins o far as t he fre e d o ms t he y allo w are mo re e nco mp as s ing t han t he limit s Ways in w hich t he p ro mo t e d d at ing s ys t e m has no t chang e d inclu d e t he co nt inu at io n o f t he imp o rt ance o f d at ing fo r g irls p re fe rre d male ag g re s s io n o ve r fe male male d e s ire fo r e vid e nt ly s e xu ally p u re fe male s t he ine vit ab ilit y o f b o ys s e xu al d e s ire and inhib it io n o f g irls in ce rt ain circu ms t ance s and g irls p laying hard t o g e t D iffe re nce s inclu d e p e rmis s io n fo r g i rls t o make co nt act w it h b o ys fo r ins t ance b y calling o r t e xt ing t he m and as king t he m o u t o n d at e s and incre as e d acce p t ab ilit y o f p hys ical re lat io ns hip s T he s e

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60 chang e s in t he lit e rat u re are p o s s ib le b e cau s e t he s u b o rd inat io n o f fe male s in t he U nit e d S t a t e s has d e cre as e d d u e t o fe minis t mo ve me nt s t hat have p ro d u ce d p o licy chang e s T he d o minant cu lt u re has chang e d mo re s lo w ly, re s is t ing t he d e viant (fe minis t ) g ro u p (S u mme rs E ffle r 2002), and s o s o me he t e ro no rmat ive valu e s are re t aine d T he co mp aris o n b e t w e e n t he s e t w o t ime p e rio d s b e g ins in t he cat e g o rie s int o w hich I s o rt e d t he d at a. S o me cat e g o rie s have e q u ivale nt s in t he o t he r t ime p e rio d s t ho u g h s o me d o no t I o u t line t he s e in t he chart b e lo w 1950s 2000s Incit ing M as cu linit y/Fe mininit y (p art s o f) What B o ys L ike D e s irab ilit y What B o ys L ike What B o ys H at e G o o d /B ad B o yfrie nd s P o lit e s s e /R u le s D o ing t he Wo rk S t at u s o f D at ing (p art s o f) G o o d /B ad B o yfrie nd s S e xu alit y P hys icalit y N o ne S t at u s N o ne C o mmu nicat io n T he cat e g o rie s t hat d o no t have e q u ivale nt s s ho w chang e s in t he s e d o cu me nt s t re at me nt o f d at ing and g e nd e r ro le s T he 1950s incit ing mas cu linit y/fe mininit y" t e lls g irls in no u nce rt ain w o rd s ho w t o t re at a b o y s o he w ill fe e l like a M A N (B rand o w 1954: 66) and ho w b o ys s ho u ld make g irl s fe e l

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61 like fairy p rince s s e s B o ys and g irls canno t claim t he ir o w n me mb e rs hip o f t he ir g e nd e r w it ho u t a d is t inct o p p o s it e t o co u nt e r t he s e p re s crib e d mas cu line and fe minine t rait s and s o me o ne t o p ro ve t hat t he y fill t he ir p re s crib e d ro le S e ve nt e e n d o e s no t d is cu s s ho w g irls s ho u ld make b o ys fe e l manly, ins t e ad u s ing t he p hras e like a s t u d ." T his d o e s no t o nly imp licit ly e nco u rag e g irls t o make b o ys fe e l mas cu line b u t als o t ie s t his mas cu linit y t o s e xu alit y, w hich e xhib it s t he incre as e d acce p t ab ilit y o f t e e nag e (male ) s e xu alit y as co mp are d t o t he 1950s S e ve nt e e n 's e mp has is o n co u p le s re lat io ns hip s t at u s e s w it h s ix cat e g o rie s and ru le s fo r d e fining t he m, d e mo ns t rat e s a he ig ht e ne d ne e d fo r d e finit io n. While in t he 1950s t he re w e re o nly t w o s e mi d e fine d o p t io ns g o ing o n d at e s and g o ing s t e ad y, t e e nag e rs may s t ill have e ng ag e d in re lat io ns hip s e xp licat e d b y S e ve nt e e n like hang ing o u t ." S p e cific d e finit io ns fo r t e e nag e re lat io ns hip s have incre as e d in imp o rt ance as ve ry p u b lic d is p lays o f t his s t at u s like Face b o o k, w hich inclu d e s s ing le ," it 's co mp licat e d w it h [w ho me ve r]," and in a re lat io ns hip w it h [w ho me ve r]." S e ve nt e e n 's inclu s io n o f is s u e s o f co mmu nicat io n d e mo ns t rat e s t he id e a o f t he s e re lat io ns hip s as act u al int e rp e rs o nal re lat io ns hip s ra t he r t han s imp ly cas e s o f ne e d ing an e s co rt t o imp o rt ant e ve nt s o r p u re ly fo r s t at u s re as o ns 1950s d at ing g u id e s d o no t ad d re s s t his t o p ic o r t he p o t e nt ial fo r t e e nag e co u p le s t o g e t int o arg u me nt s at all. In t he 1950s a g irl's s t at u s is mo re co nne ct e d t o having a d at e t han a

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62 b o y's (B rand o w 1954; C lark 1959), w hile in t he 2000s hig h s cho o l is all ab o u t g e t t ing a b o yfrie nd (M e t z, A ll A b o u t G u ys 2008). G irls mu s t co ns id e r b o ys t he y o t he rw is e w o u ld no t ju s t t o o b t ain t he co ve t e d t ro p hy o f a d at e o r b o yfrie nd (B e ns o n, L o ve R e s o lu t io ns 2007; B e ns o n, Writ e Y o u r Flirt ie s t Y e arb o o k M e s s ag e 2008B rand o w 1954; C lark 1959). T he re is no me nt io n o f b o ys having t o d at e o u t s id e o f t he ir p e rs o nal s t and ard s ind icat ing t hat it is mo re imp o rt ant fo r g irls t o d at e and t he re fo re t he y mu s t w id e n t he ir p o t e nt ial d at e p o o l. M ys t e rio u s g irls have maint aine d t he ir p o p u larit y fo r t he p as t 60 ye ars A g irl in t he 1950s mu s t avo id chas ing a b o y b y g iving him any ind icat io n t hat s he like s him b e fo re he as ks he r fo r a d at e fo r fe ar o f b e ing t o o ag g re s s ive and s caring him aw ay (B rand o w 1954: 63, 71; C lark 1959: 48). G irls in t he 2000s canno t le t a b o y s he is no t alre ad y d at ing kno w s he like s him t o o mu ch e it he r. T he mo re availab le s he is t o him, t he fas t e r he w il l lo s e int e re s t b e cau s e g u ys are int rig u e d b y a g irl t hat make s t he m w o rk fo r he r at t e nt io n" (B e ns o n, What s K illing Y o u r G ame ? 2008; N u s s b au m, Y o u r S u mme r o f L o ve ). B o ys d o no t re ce ive ins t ru ct io ns fo r ho w t o at t ract a g irl's at t e nt io n. T his co nt in u at io n e mp has ize s t he re s p o ns ib ilit y o f t he g irl t o maint ain t he b o y's int e re s t b e cau s e s he has mo re inve s t e d in t he e mo t io nal re lat io ns hip t han he d o e s B o ys p e rce ive g irls w ho w e ar t o o mu ch make u p o r (q u ickly) init iat e any s o rt o f s e xu al co nt act as che ap o r s lu t t y" (B e ns o n, T he R u le s o f A t t ract io n 2008; B rand o w 1954: 159 60; C ro u s e 1955), and t he re fo re in vio lat io n o f o ne o f t he chie f t e nant s o f he t e ro no rmat ivit y; s o cie t y re s e rve s e xp re s s io n o f p hys ical

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63 d e s ire fo r b o ys K is s ing t o o q u ickly me ans a g irl is no t re s p e ct ab le (D u vall 1950: 142), and a b o y w o nd e rs ho w many p e o p le [s he has ] d o ne t his t o (B e ns o n, T he R u le s o f A t t ract io n 2008). T he g irl's p u rit y is q u e s t io ne d and d e t e rmine d no ne xis t e nt s imp ly b e cau s e s he kis s e s o ne b o y, ind icat ing t ha t circu ms t ance s u nd e r w hich, e ve n no w a g irl can init iat e s e xu al co nt act are variab le and vag u e It re ve als s o cial re liance o n e xp re s s e d fe male p u rit y and t hat male init iat ive is s t ro ng ly p re fe rre d T he as s o ciat io n o f mo ne y w it h mas cu linit y p re vails t h o u g h no t as s t rict ly as in t he 1950s S p lit t ing t he b ill is no t p e rce ive d as s o me ho rrib ly e mas cu lat ing t rave s t y; ho w e ve r, t he amo u nt a b o y s p e nd s o n a g irl s t ill ind icat e s ho w inve s t e d he is in t he re lat io ns hip (M e t z, H e lp M y B o yfrie nd N e ve r P ays 2 007). S o w hile t he b o y p aying w as an ab s o lu t e re q u ire me nt (C lark 1959), it re mains mu ch mo re co mmo n t han t he alt e rnat ive re fle ct ing o ve rall male financial d o minance in s o cie t y, and incre as e s in fe male financial ind e p e nd e nce A lt ho u g h S e ve nt e e n s ays no t hing as e xp licit as b o ys have a s e x d rive s o s t ro ng it o ve rru le s re as o n" (C ro u s e 1955: 153), it d o e s t e ll g irls t o e xp e ct b o ys t o w ant s e x, and t hat t he y w ill s ay ab s o lu t e ly anyt hing t o co nt inu e o nce it has s t art e d (M e anle y, S e x L ie s H e T e lls Y o u 2008). T he s t at e me nt b e ne at h t he s e ns at io nalis m is re as o nab le : b o ys w ant s e x. T he re as o n t his is p ro b le mat ic is t hat b o ys are co nt inu o u s ly allo w e d mo re fre e d o m o f e xp re s s io n t han g irls w ho s ho cking ly, als o w ant s e x. Ove rall, t his kind o f lit e rat u re has b e co m e mo re s e xu ally p e rmis s ive

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64 K is s e s are as s u me d in d at ing re lat io ns hip s at t his t ime (B e ns o n, D o Y o u T alk T o o M u ch ab o u t Y o u r G u y? 2009), w hile in t he 1950s t he y w e re care fu lly g u ard e d (B rand o w 1954). D iffe re nt lab e ls fo r re lat io ns hip s e xis t s p e cificall y t o acco mmo d at e t his acce p t e d p hys icalit y (N u s s b au m, What s U p w it h Y o u T w o ? 2008), and g irls are e ve n ju s t o nce e nco u rag e d t o init iat e a kis s (N u s s b au m, Y o u r S u mme r o f L o ve 2008). T his re p re s e nt s a p o s it ive p ro g re s s io n b e cau s e t o an e xt e nt t e e na g e rs can e ng ag e in p hys ical int imacy t hat fe e ls g o o d w it ho u t fe e ling like s u ch e xp re s s io n is w ro ng and w ill ru in t he ir chance s fo r marriag e (B rand o w 1954). K is s ing is re lat ive ly harmle s s and marriag e g o e s u nme nt io ne d re fle ct ing t he incre as e in ag e fo r m arriag e (E s t imat e d A g e at Firs t M arriag e 2006), and t he re fo re d e cre as e d re le vance t o hig h s cho o le rs b e t w e e n p o s t Wo rld War II A me rica and no w A no t he r s ig nificant chang e in p ro mo t e d g e nd e r ro le s in t e e nag e d at ing is t hat g irls are s o cially allo w e d t o i nit iat e co nt act and e ve n d at e s w it h b o ys T he y can int ro d u ce t he ms e lve s (L o ve L e s s o ns fro m...B ro d y Je nne r 2007; B e ns o n, L o ve R e s o lu t io ns 2007; B e ns o n, G e t A ny G u y at t he B e ach 2008; B e ns o n, Y o u r U lt imat e P art y G u id e 2008) w it ho u t w ait ing f o r t he b o y o r a frie nd t o make an int ro d u ct io n (C ro u s e 1955). T he y are e nco u rag e d t o call (o r t e xt ) b o ys o n t he p ho ne (B e ns o n, H o w t o S e nd t he Flirt ie s t t xt ms g 2008; B e ns o n, Y o u r U lt imat e P art y G u id e 2008; B e ns o n, P lan t he Flirt ie s t S u mme r N ig ht 2008; B e ns o n, B e t he U lt imat e G irlfrie nd 2009; N u s s b au m, What s U p w it h Y o u T w o ? 2008; N u s s b au m, Y o u r S u mme r o f L o ve 2008), w hich w as a s o cial

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65 at ro cit y and e nt ire ly t o o fo rw ard in t he 1950s (B rand o w 1954; C lark 1959; D u vall 1950). G irls can e ve n as k b o ys fo r d at e s no w (B e ns o n, S ay t he Flirt ie s t T hing s 2008; B e ns o n, Y o u r U lt imat e P art y G u id e 2008; B e ns o n, P lan t he Flirt ie s t S u mme r N ig ht 2008; C raw fo rd H o w t o G e t t he H ard t o G e t G u y 2008; M e t z, S ne aky Ways t o T e ll... 2008). G e nd e r e g alit ar ianis m in t his s e ns e I b e lie ve is t he mo s t s ig nificant o f all o f t he s imilarit ie s and d iffe re nce s b e t w e e n t he ru le s imp o s e d o n b o ys and g irls b e t w e e n t he 1950s and t he lat e 2000s b e cau s e it g ive s g irls t he ab ilit y t o cho o s e w it h w ho m t he y s p e nd t he ir t im e ins t e ad o f ho w t he y had t o w ait t o b e cho s e n b y b o ys and ju s t ho p e t he o ne t he y had int e re s t in w o u ld cho o s e t he m. A g irl has ag e ncy in t he fo rmat io n o f he r o w n re lat io ns hip s C o ns is t e ncy in ro le s and ru le s fo r t e e nag e d at e rs acro s s d iffe re nt b o o ks in t he 1950s d ire ct ly co nt ras t s t he inco ns is t e ncy o f t he s e ro le s fo u nd in o ne mag azine S e ve nt e e n o r e ve n o ne art icle t he re in. T his inco ns is t e ncy re fle ct s t he chang e in t he e xp e ct at io ns o f male s and fe male s o ve rall in s o cie t y, as s ho w n t hro u g h p o licy chang e s and act ivis m like fe minis t mo ve me nt s and t he co nfu s io n as t o w he t he r ne w p ro g re s s ive id e als are mo re ap p ro p riat e t han t rad it io nal o ne s T his chang e has b e e n mad e p o s s ib le t hro u g h s o me p e o p le re je ct ing t he s t at u s q u o o f g e nd e r ro le s and fig ht ing fo r m o re g e nd e r e q u alit y, t ho u g h t ho s e w ho are hap p y, o r g ain e mo t io nal e ne rg y, w it h t he ro le s e xis t e nce w o u ld e xp lain t he s imilarit y in g e nd e r ro le s fro m t he 1950s t o 2000s (S u mme rs E ffle r 2002). T ho u g h mo re s imilarit ie s t han d iffe re nce s e xis t in g e nd e r ro le s in t e e nag e d at ing b e t w e e n t he 1950s and no w and he t e ro no rmat ive inve s t me nt s e ve re ly limit s

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66 fe male s e xu al e xp re s s io n; t he chang e is mo re s ig nificant b e cau s e g irls can t ake init iat ive s as far as w ho t he y invo lve ro mant ically in t he ir live s ins t e ad o f ju s t w ait ing and ho p ing I w o u ld p re d ict g ive n cu rre nt fe minis t act ivis m, t he d iffe re nce b e t w e e n d e s ig nat e d mas cu line and fe minine ro le s in t he U nit e d S t at e s w ill b e co me e ve n b lu rrie r o ve r t he ne xt 50 ye ars

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67 R e fe re nce s S e ve nt e e n M e d ia K it ." 2010. H e ars t M a g azine s R e t rie ve d 02/12, 2010. ( ht t p ://w w w .s e ve nt e e nme d iakit .co m/r5/s ho w kio s k.as p ? lis t ing _id =2984556& c at e g o ry_id =31771 ). E s t imat e d A g e at Firs t M arriag e b y S e x: 1890 t o t he P re s e nt ." 2006. U S C e ns u s B u re au R e t rie ve d 03/15, 2010. ( ht t p ://w w w .ce ns u s .g o v/p o p u lat io n/s o cd e mo /hh fam/ms 2.p d f ). B rand o w B e ve rly. 1954. D at e D at a; D allas : B U p s haw C arp e nt e r, L au ra M 1998. Fro m G irls int o Wo me n: S crip t s fo r S e xu alit y and R o mance in S e ve nt e e n M ag azine 1974 1994." T he Jo u rnal o f S e x R e s e arch 35(2):158 168. C hamb e rs D e b o rah, E s t e lla T inckne ll and Jo o s t Van L o o n. 2004. P e e r R e g u lat io n o f T e e nag e S e xu al Id e nt it ie s ." G e nd e r and E d u cat io n 16(3):397 415. C lark, D ick. 1959. Yo u r H ap p ie s t Ye ars N e w Y o rk: R o s ho C o rp C ris t Jo hn R 1953. H ig h S cho o l D at ing as a B e havio r S ys t e m." Marriag e and Family L iving 15(1):23 2 8. C ro u s e H e le n L 1955. Jo yce Jacks o n's G u id e t o D at ing N e w Y o rk: P re nt ice H all.

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68 D u vall, E ve lyn R M 1950. Fact s o f L ife and L o ve fo r T e e nag e rs N e w Y o rk: A s s o ciat io n P re s s Fas u la, A my M ., K im S M ille r and Je ffre y Wie ne r. 2007. T he S e xu al D o u b le S t and ard in A frican A me rican A d o le s ce nt Wo me n's S e xu al R is k R e d u ct io n S o cializat io n." Wo me n & H e alt h 46(2/3):3 21. G e rs ho n, A nd a, L K G o w e n and L au ra C o mp ian. 2004. G e nd e r S t e re o t yp e d Imag ine d D at e s and We ig ht C o nce rns in S ixt h G rad e G irls ." S e x R o le s 50(7/8):515 523. H e rman, R o b e rt D 1955. T he G o ing S t e ad y" C o mp le x: A R e E xaminat io n." Marriag e and Family L iving 17(1):36 40. H ird M yra J. and S u e Jacks o n. 2001. Whe re 'A ng e ls and 'Wu s s e s Fe ar t o T re ad : S e xu al C o e rcio n in A d o le s ce nt D at ing R e lat i o ns hip s ." Jo u rnal o f S o cio lo g y 37(1):27 43. K it zing e r, C e lia. 2005. H e t e ro no rmat ivit y in A ct io n: R e p ro d u cing t he H e t e ro s e xu al N u cle ar Family in A ft e r H o u rs M e d ical C alls ." S o cial P ro b le ms 52(4):477 498. L and is P au l H 1960. R e s e arch o n T e e n A g e D at ing ." Marriag e and Family L iving 22(3):266 267.

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69 M cH u g h, M au re e n C 2006. What d o Wo me n Want ? A N e w Vie w o f Wo me n's S e xu al P ro b le ms ." S e x R o le s 54(5/6):361 369. P o ffe nb e rg e r, T ho mas 1964. T hre e P ap e rs o n G o ing S t e ad y." T he Family L ife C o o rd inat o r 13(1):7 13. R e me z, L is a. 2000. Oral S e x amo ng A d o le s ce nt s : Is it S e x Or is it A b s t ine nce ? Family P lanning P e rs p e ct ive s 32(6):298 304. R ivad e ne yra, R o cio and M e lanie J. L e b o 2008. T he A s s o ciat io n b e t w e e n T e le vis io n Vie w ing B e havio rs and A d o le s ce nt D at ing R o le A t t it u d e s and B e havio rs ." Jo u rnal o f A d o le s ce nce 31(3):291 305. R o s e S u zanna and Ire ne H ans o n Frie ze 1989. Y o u ng S ing le s S crip t s fo r a Firs t D at e ." G e nd e r and S o cie t y 3(2):258 268. S u mme rs E ffle r, E rika. 2002. T he M icro P o t e nt ial fo r S o cial C hang e : E mo t io n, C o ns cio u s ne s s and S o cial M o ve me nt Fo rmat io n." S o cio lo g ical T he o ry 20(1):41 60. T e it le r, Ju lie n O. 2002. T re nd s in Y o u t h S e xu al Init iat io n and Fe rt ilit y in D e ve lo p e d C o u nt rie s : 1960 1995." A nnals o f t he A me rican A cad e my o f P o lit ical and S o cial S cie nce 580(, E arly A d u lt ho o d in C ro s s N at io nal P e rs p e ct ive ):134 152.

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70 Van B u re n, A b ig ail. 1959. D e ar T e e n A g e r. [N e w Y o rk]: B G e is A s s o ciat e s d is t rib u t e d b y R and o m H o u s e We ave r H ig ht o w e r, M arcu s 2003. T he B o y T u rn" in R e s e arch o n G e nd e r and E d u cat io n." R e vie w o f E d u cat io nal R e s e arch 73(4):471 498. We s t e rve lt Virg inia. 1957. G e t t ing A lo ng in t he T e e n A g e Wo rld N e w Y o rk: P u t nam.

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71 S e ve nt e e n B ib lio g rap hy Y o u r H o o ku p C he at S he e t ." 2009. S e ve nt e e n 68(2):68(2). H o w t o b e a G re at D at e : Whe n Y o u and Y o u r C ru s h P e e l Off fro m t he G ro u p at t he E nd o f t he N ig ht he re 's w hat t o d o 2008. S e ve nt e e n 67(5):90. What Y o u T hink! S e ve nt e e n R e ad e rs Vo t e d o n w hich G u y L o o ks are N o t H o t -E ve n if t he G u ys are ." 2008. S e ve nt e e n 67(3):119. H o w t o T e ll if H e 's T o t a lly int o Y o u G u y s N e ve r C o me R ig ht Ou t and S ay H o w T he y Fe e l -S o L o o k fo r T he s e S u b t le S ig nals t o K no w E xact ly W hat H e 's T hin king 2007. S e ve nt e e n 67(1):126. L o ve L e s s o ns fro m...B ro d y Je nne r: On T he H ills Y o u 'v e s e e n H im Flirt S hame le s s ly w it h L au re n -and H alf t he Ot he r P re t t y G irls in H o llyw o o d N o w H e re A re H is T ip s fo r C at ching a C u t i e L ike H im! 2007. S e ve nt e e n 67(1):132. B e ll, D rake 2008. H o w t o M ake a M o ve : A ll G u ys L o ve G e t t in g A p p ro ache d H e re 's H o w t o D o I t -and L e ave H im Want ing M o re !" S e ve nt e e n 67(3):122. B e ns o n, E lis a. 2009. B e t he U lt imat e G irlfrie nd S e ve nt e e n 68(2):64(2). -----. 2009. D o Y o u T alk T o o M u ch ab o u t Y o u r G u y? S e ve nt e e n 68(5):94(1).

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72 -----. 2009. Flirt ing T ricks T hat Wo rk A ny w he re T u rn U p t he H e at -N o M at t e r Whe r e Y o u 'r e G o ing H e re s H o w t o M ake E ve ry G u y Want Y o u in A ny S it u at io n. S e ve nt e e n 68(3):86(2). -----. 2009. G u y S e cre t s N o One E ve r T o ld Y o u S e ve nt e e n 68(5):90(2). -----. 20 09. H is B ig g e s t T u rno ff! (and H o w t o A vo id it ). S e ve nt e e n 68(4):100(2). -----. 2009. H o o ku p D o 's D o n t s : Fo rg e t E ve ryt hing Y o u K no w ab o u t D at ing T he s e R u le s W e re M ad e t o B e B ro ke n! S e ve nt e e n 69(1):110(1). -----. 2009. Ou t p lay t he P laye r." S e ve nt e e n 69(1):106(2). ----. 2009. Why G u ys D u mp G irls T he y S t ill L ike : H e S aid it Was Ove r -b u t D id H e S ay Why? T he R e al R e as o n M ig ht H ave H ad N o t hing t o D o w it h Y o u S e ve nt e e n 69(1):108(1). -----. 2009. Y o u r M o s t A w kw ard G u y P ro b s -Fixe d !" S e ve nt e e n 68(4):104(1). -----. 2008. A vo id P ro file P it falls : Whe n Y o u T w o S t art t o G e t C lo s e in R e al L ife H o w S ho u ld T hing s C hang e Online ? T he s e G u ys E xp lain!" S e ve nt e e n 67(8):111(1). -----. 2008. B ack t o S cho o l L o ve D rama." S e ve nt e e n 67(9):158(1).

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73 -----. 2008. D e co d e Y o u r D at e D o n't Y o u Wis h Y o u C o u ld P re d ict fro m D at e One Wh e t he r H e 's B F M at e rial? If Y o u K no w H o w t o R e ad H is S e cre t S ig nals Y o u C an!" S e ve nt e e n 67(3):120. -----. 2008. D o n't T ake T his A d vice T he s e Ou t d at e d R e lat io ns hip R u le s A re L ike S p am o n M yS p ace : Fe e l Fre e t o Ig no re !" S e ve nt e e n 67(5):93. -----. 2008. Fo rb id d e n L o ve : H o w C an S o me t hing Y o u K no w I s Wro ng Fe e l S o R ig ht ? S e ve nt e e n 68(1):140(4). -----. 2008. G e t A ny G u y at t he B e ach: R ig ht N o w Y o u 're Ju s t A no t he r C u t e G irl in a B at hing S u it B u t t he s e M o ve s Will G ive Y o u an E d g e !" S e ve nt e e n 67(6):72. -----. 2008. H o w t o S e nd t he Flirt ie s t T xt M s g w it h S o Fe w Wo rd s Y o u H ave t o M ake E ve ry One C o u nt H e re 's H o w t o T ake Y o u r C ru s h t o t he T e xt L e ve l." S e ve nt e e n 67(7):72. -----. 2008. M ake H im A s k Y o u Ou t !" S e ve nt e e n 67(4):112(1). -----. 2008. M ake Ove r Y o u r L o ve L ife ." S e ve nt e e n 67(10):115(2). -----. 2008. P lan t he Flirt ie s t S u mme r N ig ht : D o n't ju s t H ang Ou t w it h Y o u r C ru s h -U s e T he s e T ip s t o T u rn it int o One H o t E ve ning ." S e ve nt e e n 67(8):106(2).

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74 -----. 2008. T he R u le s o f A t t ract io n (Or, H o w t o M ake E ve ry G u y Want Y o u B ad ): S o me G irls S e e m t o G e t a ll t he G u ys -and S t art ing N o w T hat G irl C an B e Y o u !" S e ve nt e e n 67(7):102. -----. 2008. S ay t he Flirt ie s t T hing s ." S e ve nt e e n 67(9):157(1). ----. 2008. S t o p t he R u mo rs W he n t he L at e s t Vict im o f t he R u mo r M ill Is Y o u H e re 's H o w t o S u rvive -W it ho u t H aving t o Fake a S ick D ay!" S e ve nt e e n 67(11):84(1). -----. 2008. T he U lt imat e G u id e t o K is s ing : Y o u C an B e t he B e s t K is s H e 's E ve r H ad -E ve ry T ime !" S e ve nt e e n 67(11):74(2). -----. 2008. Warm U p Y o u r Wint e r!" S e ve nt e e n 67(2):68. -----. 2008. What 's K illing Y o u r G ame ? T he S u mme r is M ad e fo r M e e t ing G u ys -b u t T he s e Flirt ing M is t ake s C o u ld C o s t Y o u ." S e ve nt e e n 67(7):76. -----. 2008. Writ e t he Flirt ie s t Y e arb o o k M e s s ag e : Ju s t a Fe w Wo rd s C an G u arant e e Y o u l l B e o n H is M ind A ll S u mme r!" S e ve nt e e n 67(5):89. -----. 2008. Y o u r U lt imat e P art y G u id e !: K is s '08 G o o d b ye -and M ayb e G e t a K is s While Y o u 're at It A ll It T ake s I s a L it t le Fu n Flirt ing at Y o u r N e xt H o lid ay P art y." S e ve nt e e n 68(1):114(2)

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75 -----. 2007. I L o ve w he n H e S ays ..." N o t t hat Y o u Want t o P u t Wo rd s in Y o u r B o yfrie nd 's M o u t h ... We ll, Okay, Y o u D o H e re A re a Fe w L ine s t o S u g g e s t S e ve nt e e n 67(1):133. -----. 2007. 2008 L o ve R e s o lu t io ns : Whe t he r Y o u 're in L o ve o r L o o king T h e s e Vo w s Will make '08 t he mo s t R o mant ic Y e ar E ve r!" S e ve nt e e n 67(1):131. C raw fo rd C hace 2008. G e t t he H ard t o G e t G u y." S e ve nt e e n 67(4):108(1). M cC art ne y, Je s s e 2008. G e t H im t o R e ve al H is S w e e t S id e : E ve n t he T o u g he s t G u ys A re R e ally S e ns it ive o n t he Ins id e (It 's T ru e !) H e re 's H o w t o H e lp A ny G u y Op e n U p ." S e ve nt e e n 67(6):75. M e anle y, E rin. 2008. S e x L ie s H e T e lls Y o u S e ve nt e e n 67(8):100(1). M e t z, L au re n. 2009. Why I'm a B e t t e r B o yfrie nd t han ..." ." S e ve nt e e n 68(2):66(1). -----. 2009. D o e s H e R e ally L ike Y o u ? S e ve nt e e n 68(4):102(1). -----. 2009. Find an A mazing B o yfrie nd H o t T ip s fro m t he B e s t B o yfrie nd s in A me r ica! H u nd re d s o f G irls E nt e re d T he ir G u ys in O u r S e arc h fo r t he B e s t B o yfrie nd s b u t T he s e 10 G u ys E arne d t he T it le N o w T he y're S p illing T he ir A d vice o n H o w t o Finally Find Y o u r Ow n M r. P e rfe ct !" S e ve nt e e n 68(4):144(4).

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76 -----. 2009. If Y o u 'r e in L o ve : T ru e L o ve is T ricky t o D e fine b u t H e re 's H o w t o K no w if W ha t Y o u Fe e l Is t he R e al D e al. S e ve nt e e n 68(2):67(1). -----. 20 09. Is H e L ying t o Y o u ? C hance s A re H e M ig ht B e S e e I f Y o u R e co g nize A ny o f T he s e Who p p e rs ." S e ve nt e e n 68(3):90(1). -----. 2009. S ne aky Wa ys t o T e ll ... H e Want s Y o u t o M ake a M o ve !" S e ve nt e e n 68(4):106(1). -----. 2009. Y o u r T o p 5 G u y Qu e s t io ns A n s w e re d !" S e ve nt e e n 68(5):92(1). -----. 2008. C u t e G irls K e e p Flirt ing w it h M y G u y!" Y o u r e N o t t he Only One Who T hinks H e 's a H o t t ie H e re 's H o w t o H and le Y o u r Je alo u s y b e fo re I t H u rt s Y o u r R e lat io ns hip ." S e ve nt e e n 67(3):124. -----. 2008. M y B ig g e s t D at ing P e t P e e ve s !" Y o u M ig ht T hink Y o u 'r e B e ing C u t e and P layfu l, b u t C o u ld Y o u r A ct io ns R e ally b e K illing Y o u r G ame ? !? S e ve nt e e n 67(6):74. -----. 2 008. A ll ab o u t G u ys : Whe n Y o u 're N o t H it t ing t he B o o ks Y o u 'l l B e T hi nking ab o u t Who t o H it o n! S e ve nt e e n 67(10):101(1). -----. 2008. C rac k t he B ro C o d e : T he re A re R u le s amo ng G u ys T hat a B ro M u s t N e ve r B re ak -b u t W hat D o T he y M e an fo r Y o u ? R e al G u ys E xp lain." S e ve nt e e n 67(11):78(1). -----. 2008. G e t R id o f a D u d !" S e ve nt e e n 67(10):122(1).

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77 -----. 2008. H e 'l l b e a G o o d B o yfrie nd ." S e ve nt e e n 67(11):83(1). ----. 2008. It 's Okay if ... I t 's H ar d N o t t o Ove rt hink G u y T hing s B u t T he s e H o t t ie s D o n't Want Y o u T o P he w !" S e ve nt e e n 67(10):119(1). -----. 2008. R e ad H is M ind S e ve nt e e n 67(2):70. ----. 2008. What H e Want s T his Y e ar! S e ve nt e e n 67(9):160(3). -----. 2008. What H is K is s R e ally M e ans : Want t o K no w What H e 's T hinking as Y o u 're K is s ing ? N o w Y o u D o S e ve nt e e n 68(1):119(1). -----. 2008. What I N e ve r T o ld M y E x: T he s e G u ys A re Fina lly G e t t ing a Fe w S e cre t s Off T he ir C he s t W hat C o u ld Y o u r E x B e K e e p ing fro m Y o u ? S e ve nt e e n 67(5):92. -----. 2008. What R e ally M ake s H im Je alo u s Whe n I t C o me s t o G iving Ot he r G u ys A t t e nt io n, T he s e C u t ie s E xp lain t he D iffe re nce b e t w e e n W hat 's H arm le s s and W hat 's H u rt fu l!" S e ve nt e e n 67(4):106(2). -----. 2008. Why D id n't H e ma ke a M o ve ? Y o u T ho u g ht Y o u T w o W e re H it t ing it Off -b u t t he n H e D id n't A s k fo r Y o u r N u mb e r. H e re 's Why!" S e ve nt e e n 67(8):108(1). -----. 2007. H e lp M y B o yfrie nd N e ve r P ay s : Whe n Y o u 'r e A lw ays S t u ck w it h t he C he ck, I s I t T ime t o C he ck Ou t o f Y o u r R e lat io ns hip ? R e al G irls S hare T he ir A d vice ." S e ve nt e e n 67(1):128.

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78 N u s s b au m, Jane 2008. D o Y o u G ive L o ve a S e co nd C hance o r S ho u ld Y o u M ake a Fre s h S t art ? S e ve nt e e n 67(9):210(4). -----. 2008. What 's U p w it h Y o u T w o ? it 's N o t a R e lat io ns hip -Y e t B u t S o me t hing I s D e finit e ly G o ing o n b e t w e e n Y o u G u ys H e re A re t h e S e cre t Ways t o Fig u re Ou t if I t 's fo r R e al (and H ave S o me Flirt y Fu n w hile Y o u 're at I t )." S e ve nt e e n 67(8):138(4). ----. 2008. Y o u r S u mme r o f L o ve : S cho o l B re ak I s J u s t a ro u nd t he C o r ne r. N o w 's Y o u r C hance t o Find T hat P e r fe ct C are fre e S u mme r R o mance !(I t 's T ime fo r S U M M E R )." S e ve nt e e n 67(6):122. S he ckle r, R yan. 2008. H o w t o b e a C o o l G irlfrie nd ." S e ve nt e e n 67(2):66 We ine r, Je s s 2009. Why D o e s n't H e T hink I'm H o t ? Whe n a G u y B re aks U p w it h Y o u o r S t o p s T alking t o Y o u I t C an M ake Y o u Fe e l U g ly. B u t Je s s We ine r T e lls Y o u Why Y o u r B o d y Is N o t t o B lame S e ve nt e e n 68(4):96(1).