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---------A STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF NEW COLLEGE OF FLORIDA ATALYST VOLUME XVI ISSUE 4 MARCH 5, 2003 roperty may ho d p Cros ey developmen Sarah Zell and Nathaniel Burbank/Catalyst Left: Laurey Stryker. Right: A sign from the disputed property. by Sarah ZeD In the quest to develop a new campus on the P owe1 Crosley Es tat e, the University of South Aorida at Sarasota/Manatee has County Now a controversial piece of property may require them to repeat the process in Sarasota as well. With the development of their master plan update USF Sarasota/Manatee is required to host a 90day comment perioo. Part of that process includes hosting two public hearings, which took place on Jan. F 0 contiguoU8 current shared campus, East c a pus now see s by Sydney Nash Seeing the Shell station from the Sudakoff parking lot is a bit strange, but Novo Collegians are beginning to get accustomed to the new "openness" of campus caused by the clearing of drainage ditches. The main drainage ditch begins at the intersection of General Spaatz and US 41, continues parallel to the road, then curves towards Dort and Goldstein. After almost four weeks of work, Physical Plant has completed the clearing of this ditch. Shrubs, mud, and tra h were cleaned from the ditch, leaving large, dirt pits. Clearing was done, in this case, for safety. New College Police felt that the overgrown shrubbery surrounding the ditches could provide cover, and shield someone from their view. The police CATALYST this week 3.05.2003 requested the cleaning in response to a large number of recent break-ins, according to Vice President for Finance and Administration John Martin. "We asked Physical Plant to go ahead, clear the area out, and make the area more presentable," Martin explained. It was quickly found that the area was in desperate need of cleaning. "It was a collection area for garbage," said Martin. From the early days of the New College campus up until 1992, the Sarasota Bradenton-Airport Authority annually cleared the ditch down to the bare dirt, using large machinery. Although this service ended due to lack of funding, the airport continues to be a good neighbor according to Director of Physical Plant Richard Olney. On Saturday Feb. 22, a large street sweeper from the airport could be seen Get a cuppa' coffee and sit down for a long read as we explain how you got here. No, not the birds and the bees ... the admissions process. Story page 4 Sarasota City limits The City feels these conditions necessitate i ts involvement. If the city gets its way, USF Sarasota/ Manatee would have to begin the process all over again. The property in question is an 11-acre strip adjacent to the current shared campus that runs along the bayfront portion of the Uplands neighborhood. In the early 60s, the developer of the Uplands neighborhood donated the land to New College. In December of 1974, the private New College signed an agreement formalizing a merger with USF and the State University System. In the agreement, New College fonnally gave the Uplands property to the s tate and i t became part of a trust fund that manag es real estate "Unde r the tenns o f th e merger a gree ment, New College--the private New College-was required to turn over all of its property to the state, not to USF," said New College Foundation President General Rolland V. Heiser. uc cleaning the Sudakoff parking lot, as well as other campus roads. The cleaning was necessary; in the process of clearing the ditches, much dirt ended up on campus roads. Olney explained that the Airport Authority cleaned the New College roads because they had contributed to the mess. "They're just doing it as a good-neighbor type deal Martin said. Although the new open space surrounding the parking lots is good for safety, the large pits are not the most attractive landscaping. "I wanted to leave a few more trees, but sometimes that just couldn't be done," explained Olney. Physical Plant is in the process of brainstorming ways to make the area more presentable. "Part of my plan right now is to make it look pretty, which isn't going to be easy," said Olney. Soo will be laid along the sides of the The free table and you As much a New College tradition as Freeganism, Bocce, and The Catalyst, the free table deserves its own in depth look. Story page 9 not a new one nor is it excl usive to US F "For the last twenty-four years we ve had a basic ruJe that we wouldn't do any building along the waterfront. We felt that we owed that to the community. We at that time said maybe someday we' ll have a jogging trail or exercise trail or something like that along the water said Heiser I can' t understand what [USFs] claim to [the property] is if their preswned use for it is the same one we have pledged to commit to said New College President Gordon E. Michal son. "Why shou1d [USF] want to go through all the trouble of having the open hearings in Sarasota for the sake o f something that we' ll use th e same way the y will?" "I think they're separate issues," said USF Sarasota/Manatee Facilities Planner Hugo Mazzoli. "I think the main issue is New College says they want [the property] because it was deeded to them 'X' number of years ago. USF says, 'Well, it was part o airport Nathaniel Burbank/Catalyst ditch and the bottom will be covered with ocean shale, according to Olney. Physical Plant is currently reviewing several proposals by several architects on the best way to landscape the area. Work to beautify the ditch will begin soon. -: :. .. _. ::,_., '"'" -,_ Plant City -luscious and fun The Strawberry Festival's in town. What are you waiting for-get up there! But first, you might want to read our take on this new universe. Story page 1 2
The Catalyst CONTENTS Entertainment page 5 -Mike's Movie Pick page 6 -Movie Times page 6 -Half-Life page n Announcements page 10 7 DAY WEATHER Today: Partly Cloudy; 8x/64 Thursday: Partly Cloudy; 81/65 Friday: Mostly Sunny; 8x/64 Saturday: Partly Cloudy; 79/6o Sunday: Partly Cloudy, 77/57 Monday: Scattered Showers, 76/57 Thesday: Partly Cloudy; 76,58 WALL ASSIGNMENTS Friday: Ben Lewis "the Red Light Wall" Saturday: Par Neiburger the CATALYST Copyngh! 2003 n .. um;ly.
The Catalyst NEWS March 5, 2003 Volunteer opportunites abo nd n community Ya'el Morowati/Catalyst The Keys to the Future bus waits to up its young charges. by Maria Lopez "Kids are the best anti-depressant around. They will make you laugh like no tomorrow," said Coordinator of Educational Programs Konnie Kruczek. ve opportunities on campus such as KeyS to the Future and The Oovernor's Opportunity Alliance. Keys to the Future is a collaboration between the Boys & Girls Club of Sarasota County, Inc. and New College. Its mission is to provide oncarnpus computer ttaining and mentoring to north Sarasota adolescents. The opportunity is beneficial for the children as well as New College students. Thesis-student Homer Wolfe volunteers his time with the children in the Crosley update from page 1 [New College] is not going do anything with it, what's the harm in a pedestrian walk to connect the two?" According to Michalson, the harm is real. "We have got to keep faith with donors of property," he said. If down the road we give to some other institution thing people thought they were giving New College, that will cripple our efforts to cultivate private giving." Heiser said, "Our credibility (will go] down the drain. I feel very strongly that the donor gave the property to New College and it belongs to New College. We've been very strict about protecting those types of things ... that's what we're in business for." Sarasota City Senior Planner Karen Murphy attended the Feb. 20 hearing on the USF master plan update to present Keys to the Future Program. "The kids are really uplifting to be around. They require a lot of energy from me, but they also inspire me to produce it. Really, all they want is attention; for someone to show them that they are worthy of the same he said. The Governor's Opportunity Alliance was developed in 2000 by Governor Jeb Bush to unite F1orida's colleges and Uiriversities in supporting public K-12 education. New College has "adopted" two schools: Louise R. Johnson Middle School in Bradenton and Booker Middle School in Sarasota. A core group of students tutor at these schools on a weekly basis. comments on behalf of the City. "The city, based upon the review of these preliminary plans, believes that the geographic area depicted in the master plan qualifies us as a host local government agency. In relation to that public facilities and services regarding the City of Sarasota should be contained in the campus master plan, and is then subject to the required [plan] development," said Mwphy. USF Sarasota/Manatee, Manatee County, Sarasota City Planning and Development, and the Sarasota City Attorney all met on Friday, Feb. 27. USF Sarasota/Manatee Public Relations Coordinator Ellen Wile informed The Catalyst [ITALICS] that USF is "talking with the City to determine if it does have a role" in the master planning process. Sarasota City Planning and Development Administrative Specialist Susan Montgomery confirmed that the As far as opportunities for volunteer work off campus, there is a dire need for help in many fields, and srudents can often find an area that sparks their interest. Students are always welcome to volunteer at the Gulf Coast Wonder and Imagination Zone (GWIZ), Selby Gardens, Sarasota Memorial Hospital, Head Start, and Habitat for Humanity. For students interested in behavioral health services, accounting, information services, or marketing/advertising there are internship opportunities at the Genesis Recovery Center. Established in 1994, Genesis provides drug treatment for individuals that include a transitional living facility, medicaVpsychological assessment and free mv I AIDS testing. Genesis Recovery Center Founder and President James McCloud encourages students to get involved. When asked how he became involved, McCloud told The Catalyst "A very demonstrative need was present that no one else was ftlling." The Salvation Army Community Feeding Program i an opportunity for those interested in helping the homeless. Students working to volunteer there have a number of opporrunities including kitchen work, organizing special events, data entry, answering telephones, mentoring build community is always welcome at the Salvation Army. We meet human need without discrimination." The program wiJJ be expanding into a brand new building on lOth Street and Cenlral Avenue in July. Sikorski said that since the Salvation Anny has existed for over a centwy, older volunteers often dedicate their time because at some point in their life the Salvation Army has helped them. One meeting did take place, but was only able to speculate about the City's exact involvement Murphy was unavailable for comment at press time. The bayfront land is apparently not the only addendum to USF Sarasota/Manatee's list of properties, extending beyond the Crosley Estate and the few shared services that include the Sudakoff Conference Center, Cook Library, and fitness center. At the second public hearing on Feb. 20, USF Sarasota/Manatee CEO Laurey Stryker was required to respond to the statements made in the first hearing on Jan. 13. Stryker stated, "One of the things that became clear in our discussion and in some of the comments that we've heard is a sense that USF is going on too small of a piece of property. I want to set you back a little bit to say that our campllS-Qur joint campus with USF and New College-is a 140-acre campus." Stryker continued to enumerate that the woman came in last fall with two huge turkeys to donate to the Thanksgiving dinner. Sikorski attributed the woman's generosity to the previous year, as her family ate that Thanksgiving meal at the Salvation Army. The woman gave back to the community aU the help she received in her time of need. Safe Place And Rape Crisis Center in town is also looking for volunteers. Volunteer Coordinator 'Su an' (the center stresses confidentiality policy between volunteers and victims) said, "We are required to train our volunteers if they are going to be in contact with rape or domestic violence victims. Those volunteers need to be 21 and attend 32 hours in our training program." The center stresses confidentiality policy between volunteers and victims. For those interested in volunteering but time to take the training courses, mvolves watching the children while their parents attend their upport groups. Safe Place also has a donation center and a retail store, which is run by volunteers, and all the proceeds help support the center. SuMmoN ARMY eo..m FEEDINC'Timbra Sikorski at 941-364-8854 proposed 28-acre Crosley campus is only being considered for master plan amendment purposes because, The amendment process is dealing with changes that exceed a state wide threshold. a 10 percent threshold." In an effort to follow through with the relocation agreement signed by USF President Judy Genshaft and Michalson on Jan. 17, both institutions will be providing each other with their re pective campus "footprints." With what Michalson referred to as a "jack in the box" effect, USF Sarasota/Manatee's preliminary footprint now also includes the Viking portion of the existing campus. "If USF Sarasota/Manatee has changed its intentions, we will change our strategy,'' Michalson said. "Our board will be very aggressive in asserting its efforts to ensure that the current campus is the NC campus of the future and that the current campus is our footprint, as it were."
The Catal NEWS March 2003 ,4dmlsslons what's important, who decides, and what goes down by Nathaniel Burbank Six hundred and two students applied to join New College' ranks last spring. Of those, 192 were welcomed into the world of inebriated Care Bear and pas ionate schola tic di course, while the rest were told they just didn't have 'the right stuff.' Defining what factors make a successful New College student i a difficult task. The chool is strung between two sometimes contradictory definitions: The frrst, as the billboard prominently proclaims in that particular shade of 'New College' blue, is Florida's Honors College, that is the most interesting, diverse, and provides the most quality classroom experience possible." Outside of a state minimum for grade point averages, Admissions has wide authority to make subjective judgment calls, using a wide range of information about candidates. Factors such as socioeconomic status and course offerings at the candidate's high school help to create a fuller picture of the prospective student. This allows Admissions to change the relative importance of particular factors on a case-by-case basis. Use of standardized tests debated and second, an institution encouraging Despite these claims, some question academic reform through experimentation the validity of the factors used. "I think there and alternative instructional techniques. are a lot of students that don't get this New College Admissions is charged with opportunity because of their SAT scores," charting a course between these elements, said second-year student Steve Scott. Scott defining our exclusive community by believe New College prospects need a individually selecting who will, and will "thirst for broad-based education. That not be Novo Collegians. requires a special type of student that can not "Basically, we are looking for highbe summarized by their SAT score." achieving students that can bring value to Over the past decade a small group of our community.'. said As ociate Director colleges and_ universities has bucked historic of Admissions Scott Brie11. For New trends by making SATs and ACTs optional College, "high achieving" mean having a in their admission process This group strong high school academic track record: includes many of New College's taking Advanced Placement and "aspirational peers," schools that we International Baccalaureate courses, compete most fiercely with for students on achieving high SAT and American College the national level. Institutions such as Bard, Test (ACT) cores, and earning a high Hampshire, Bates, and the entire California grade point average all build theca e that Nathaniel Burbank!Cataryst University System have recently moved a prospective student will be successful at High school senior Lynn Knutson her mother Dona and Admissions away from standardized tests. Reasons cited New College. Other factors, such as counselor Bradley Bryan gaze onto Sarasota Bay Cook Hall. for the removal of the requirement include extracurricular activities and letters of criticisms of the test's predictive power, recommendation, are given less weight. keep other factors balanced in the equation. "I don't cultural and gender biases, and the degree to which "At Admissions, I think, we are probably tilting think the tension between honors and experimental students can be coached to increase their scores. Yet more towards the strictly honors model, high academic ever ought to be resolved" he said. SATs and ACTs remain a significant part of the New ascertainment, in part because it is easier to discern," Dean of Admissions and Financial Aid Joel College admissions process, ranked above letters of said New College President Gordon "Mike" Bauman said that while Admissions chooses students Michalson. According to Michalson, it is important to based on academic merit, they also try to "craft a class continued on page 9 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Application Survivor 1. Recruitment .Admissions starts working before anyone sends in an application. More than 50,000 information [liltiljflldift packets are sent each year to high school WJotIIJ JUniors and seniors. Students targeted include eleventh-grade Floridians who have a grade point average above 3.0, *lniftillll .. li. ....... .. "'!! students with high PSAT scores in specific regions of the United States, and students listed in one of several ::av
CATALYST nterta e Word 'meta' once again integrated into theatre by Josh Orr "It feels like I've just stepped off of one of those carnival rides," said third-year Dav1d M. Robmson about finishing up rehearsals for this week's performance of his metadrama, Make-Up. "I've been flipping back and forth between my world, and this fictitious world, and the fictitious version of the fictitious world so much that I'm tumbling dizzy." Make-Up, written and directed by Robinson, is a two-act work of rare dramatic economy, following the identity conflicts between two lovers imprisoned by their false, self-imposed personas. In Make-Up, Clark, an established yet unstable playwright, finishes a play that is based on his own deluded understanding of his relationship with his lover and muse, Anna. Anna has been playing into Clark's warped vision of herself for years, but cannot bear to have her fallacious identity romanticized to the whole world onstage. When Clark tries to reconstruct the course of his play to Anna's liking, the play's fictional portrayals of the two confused lovers have no choice but to intervene for the sake of art What ensues volume xvi issue 4/ 3.05.2003 Caitlin Young/Catalyst Watch them run, then catch them fresh off the BBQ, all at the Florida Strawberry Festival see story on page '\ 2 is an unrelenting battle between Clark's feebly gripped reality and the mediating bizarro world of his own 1 creation examming the traps o overs' assumed. consensual fantasies of each other. People too easi1y deny change in their lives, Robinson said. By "recreating" their lovers' identities, they are refusing to acknowledge their own, independent places in the real world. "Once that happens you're doomed to a deafened romantic fulfillment," Robinson told The Catalyst [Italics]. "The angst of the non-reality that you're confined to will always linger." Although his comments seem to speak from personal experience, the notoriously reclusive Robinson refused to comment on any connections between the play's themes and his own life. The idea for Make-Up was an epiphany that struck him while continued on page 6 David M. Robinson/New College by Sarah Stamper Lewd, crude and crazy behavior has become a lure for tourists in the "Big Ea y." Mardi Gras may be the only month-long event where people celebrate by letting their hair down and pulling their tops up. There was a time when Mardi Gras was a well respected traditional event. It was initially a celebration by the French of the Karneval. Mardi Gras dates to the 1700's complete with masked balls and street processions; the first Mardi Gras by today's standard was held in 1857. Every year four million people are expected to participate in the free events held around the world as part of the celebration. Brazil, Italy and Btitain all have celebrations of their own in addition to the U.S. celebrations in California, Alabama, New York, and of course, New Orleans. Masked balls and parades are still very much at the epicenter of New Orleans's Mardi Gras culture, but today involve a little more nudity. From Jan. 6 to March 4 the event is celebrated, with a grand finale of manic parades running through the streets adorned in purple, green and gold. As one of the only completely non-corporate sponsored events around, Mardi Gras brings in half a billion dollars in revenue every year. Before making the trip to New Orleans for Mardi Gras there are a few things that ew College students should know: The streets are packed with locals and touri t dre sed in costumes ranging from Energizer Bunnies, condoms, and pop stars to school girls, show girls and cheerleaders. Almo t all costume feature fishnet body wear or hot pants. This makes it somewhat hard to distinguish Bourbon Street tourist from the working girls standing on every corner, but nonetheless, dre sing-up is a prerequisite. Make sure that your costume i comfortable and allows for a ton of walking. There are two ways to get bead Yelling, "'Throw me something, Mister," was done in the old days and might work. Flashing your boobs is available as a second option. The likelihood of getting a throw with the first option is very small; with the second option, a bag of some sort to carry the beads home in will most likely be necessary. Other (less popular) ways of getting beads on Bourbon Street include kissing. touching and flashing whatever other body parts are of interest. There really i n't a place in New Orleans for people that are above using their body for a gain in material goods. If you can't make it to New Orleans but feel like flashing your boobs anyway, http://www.interactivelunacy.com/ mardigras.htm will exchange a picture of Mardi Gras beads for a picture of flashed boobs. Another important aspect of Mardi Gras i the New Orleanstyle Cajun food. Mardi Gras IS definitely not a time for fme dining. With thi in mind, visitors hould expect to gain a few pounds. King Cake (festive dessert confection coated with icing and purple, green and gold sugar), beignet (deep fried dough covered with powdered confectioner's sugar), and gumbo (a well-sea oned, thick oup made from a combination of roux, water, and any kind of fowl, or shellfish) are orne of the most popular dishes erved during the celebration. It al o goes without saying that Bourbon Street i going to be filled with liquor and beer drink specials including world-famous Pat O'Brien' Hurricanes.
CATALYST It' loopy enough for Woody Allen to make an old fas h i on ed mu ical u mg show tune from the '30s and '4 0 Even more curiou. -but occa ionally charming-is hi decision to ca t actors not known for their mu icaltalent. O K o Madonna had a previou engagement, but did that leave only Ju lia R oberts, Edward Norton, Alan Aida. Drew Banym and Allen himself? They're the one ingi n g away in Everyone Says I Love You with their untrained voices (except for Barrymore, whose voice i dubbed). Listening to the others sounding like they're inging in the shower make you wonder. How bad could Barrymore be that she had to be dubbed? In the opening number, it look a it Allen might get away with thi conceit. A junior attorney named H olden ( ort on), in love with the bos daughter. Schuyler ( Barry m r e), e renades her through the treets of 1 ew York with the d i tty Ju. t You, J u t Me." 1 orton i. un haracteri tically jolly in the role (and weet\y awkward when he dance ") after playing a creepy murder peel in Primal Fear and Larry Flynt'. her later career of 'chick flicks,' rather than the tough girl roles she had a reputation for at that point. The two are so appealing and Manhattan so inviting (thanks to Al len's lo n gtime c i nemato gra p her, Carlo Di P alma) that the aud i e n ce mi ght w ant t o t e p int o th e screen too, and ing along But you might not even want to be in the audience during Allen's olo, "I m Through With Love." delivered as if he were recovering from gum urgery. Playing another neurotic (a writer named Joe Berlin), he lookl so pained that you expect the director to top the ong the way a referee call a fight, until you recall that Allen is the director. Over.ill, though, the mu ical sequences are the mo t imaginative part. If they weren't there as a distraction it would be o viou just how lame this ftlm i It' as if All.en u ed all his creativity choosing the songs and trymg to make them fit. The only poignant comment on love are contained in the lyrics Allen no longer seem to have anything original to say on the subject. The pretext for thi film may be Allen' thinne t ever It involves a bunch of rich pper East Siders all so mehow related to a ocialite (Goldie Hawn) who u: ed to be married to Joe but is now married to omeone aner and more tab l e (Aida). They all fall in love, then out then in again. That they do om Venice and Pari a well as ew York make for great backdrops. The epitome of tlus roundelay i s the precociou daughter D.J., played winning l y by then-newcomer l atasha Lyonne, w h o goe through three paramours in 30 minute including a rapper who i ngs "I'm through with love, you m--." She cu hion the news that he' engaged to a gondolier she just met by adding that he i al. o a poet, to which her dad replies. "Oh, yeah, let me tell you what rhyme with gondolier-'no lira. There are a lot of characte to keep track of, but nobody you'd like to know better. A an art hi torian tom between two men, Roberts ha<> little to do except run around labyrinthine Venice looking good in jogging harts (which i more than you can 'ay for Allen, who i pursuing her). Hawn i wasted in the role of a liberal do-gooder. When h e r ails about how p ri on e rs sho ul d be allowed to decorate the r cells and be served E uropean c uisine, it ha all the depth of a 'Laugh-In sketch The ir n') i t 1a Hawn. ha: a lovel < complained that Allen asked her to sound Jes poli hed so she wouldn't how up the others.) But she doe get the fllm' only magical moment: She dances wrth Allen on the banks of the Seine, he lifts her and he appears t o fly lik e Peter Pan over th e w at e r orne of the musical segues are inspired Holden shops for an engagement ring at Harry Wmston, and the tuffy salespeople come out from behind their jewelry pads to join him in a ch ru of "My Baby Ju t Cares f0r Me." Later, corpses ri e out of their coffins to remind a grief-tricken family to "Enjoy Yourself (It's Later Than You Think)"-a virtual "Our Town" et to mu ic. Utimately, however, there's something di turbing about Say I Love You. It seem as though Allen IS hvmg out a fantasy in thi film. He ha created the perfect blended family, with an ex-wife to whom Joe close and a child he can see anytime he wants Without court-ordered supervision. He' s al 0 created a lover. half Joe s who leaves her hunky hu band for h1m and wh o ts as beautiful as Julia Roberts. It's left to a chorus member to s i ng "I'm a Dreamer.'' Allen hould have ung it himself. Cobb Park ay 8 6300 orth Lockwood Ridge, Sarasota Just arried (PG-13} 4:50 9:50 aid In anhattan (PG-13) 2:10 4:40 7:10 9:30 Bur s Court Cinema 1551 Oak St, Sarasota rch 5-6 March 5-6 Conte slon of a Dang rou lnd (R) 1:55 4:25 7:00 9:25 Far from Heaven (PG-13) 2:15 7:20 Frl (R) 2:05 4:35 7:15 9:55 Harry Pott r and the Chamber of Secreta (PG) 1 :50 8:00 oonllght II (PG-13} 2:00 4:30 7:05 9:40 y Big Fat G k W ding (PG) 2:30 4:55 7:30 9:45 Narc (R) 2:20 5:00 7:35 9:50 Sweet Hom AI bama (PG-13) 5:00 The Bre d, y Sweet (NR) 2:00 5:15 8:00 The Pianist (R) 1 :45 5:00 8:00 Talk To r (R) 2:15 5:30 8:20 March 5 2 003 a from page 5 J mopping floors at a Starbucks. After toying with the idea for two year he wrote the play for an Independent tudy Project in
The Catalyst CATALYST ntertai ent he e fart jok sand enrgh enmen by Josh Orr Between discreet, late-night massage houses and old ladies in matching sequined hats, Sarasota offers much to laugh at. But every once in a while cynical college students get tired of pointing and chuckling at the plight of others; sometimes they want to laugh with the community. McCurdy's Comedy Theatre and Humor Institute offers a forum where Sarasotans can laugh together, as well as instruction on how to make others laugh. Theatre owners Les and Pam McCurdy have been providing Sarasota with comedic performance and instruction for over 15 years. The McCurdys trekked their weekly comedy showcases between several venues before settling down at their latest location, south of campus across frorr.. Winn-Dixie, in September 2001. And they've found that funny people actually live in Sarasota. 'There is a lot of great local talent in the area," Pam McCurdy said. Florida's huge tourism industry has created a market for local entertainment, and comedy clubs have taken advantage. "I ways have a o 'an g through here who wants to do 15 minutes [on stage] and brush up on their material," she said. McCurdy's showcases comedic performers every Wednesday through Sunday evening. It is primarily a venue for national touring comics; recent acts have included Brett Butler and Kevin Pollak, and Jimmy "J.J." Walker is slated for April 4 6. 1\vo decades on and behind the comedy stage-Les has been performing stand-up since 1979-have solidified relationships with the comedians and agents, keeping talent flow into the theatre, though the owners are always open to the uggestions of patrons. On occasion, reliable performers are found among students of the Humor Institute's comedy wntmg or improvisational comedy clas es. "One older lady [who attended the institute] ended up being one of our [regularly performing] sweethearts," Pam said. "She was in her mid-60's and she kicked booty," telling jokes about the world of the elderly. The same woman showcased her stand-up skills in the talent portion of the Miss Senior USA competition, which she won. McCurdy tresses that the six-week classes are designed for anyone looking to beef up their writing or oratorical skills, or people who want to fmd the humorous slants of their Jives, and not just ambitious comedians-to-be. A cancerstricken woman once enrolled in the class, Pam said, to learn to talk about and fmd humor in her affliction. She then used her newfound comedic skills as a spokeswoman for several national cancer associations. Yet for the typical broke college St:ucient, n a e comedy classes out of reach. Realizing that even the club's $8 cover charge requires couch cushion coin scavenging on the part of many, McCurdy's boosts its college crowd attendance on Sunday nights with a $3 cover for anyone with a student J.D. card. There is a two-drink minimum, but students can still enjoy a night of professional comedy, like that of Gary Conrad, all for under $10. Conrad, a lecherous New York hypnotist, sold out several nights at due "Awesome site!" "Wow a ton ofinformation!" www.ncf.edu/CareerServices FREE resume/CV writing consultations. Career planning. Job search strategies. obs.Internships. Mock interviews. Study abroad. Graduate schools. Fello' 'Ships. Scholarships. Volunteer programs. Summer activities. Calendar o events. omce 1 ca er sante Palmer Building E. 359-4261 Monday-Friday. 8 McCurdy's in the middle of February with a typical hypnotism show, the comedic value of which relied heavily on tapping the latent sexuality of his subjects. During a Sunday evening performance, his hypno-skits included the volunteers acting as if they were candy bars-most sat stiff and silent in their chairs, mimicking inanimate candy-as well as their conviction that the person next to them passed unbearable gas. After such skits JargeJy fell flat, Conrad turned to the old standbys. As one man turned into 'The Nookie Monster" and haphazardly shouted "I want nookie! I want nookie!" while a female subject spanked him and called him "bad boy," Conrad took photos of them for his website, made the occasional blue comment, and sipped his drinks as the crowd of blushing Sarasotans erupted in laughter. The humor was low-brow, but comedy does not discriminate among laughs. 'The erotic hypnotic thing is not my cup of tea," said Pam. "But I can't compete with a sold out show.'' As a promoter of the arts, she said, "You want to expand people's sensibilities and palettes. But at the same time, you have to be sensible to where you are." The inevitable compromise between Nathaniel Burbank!C'ata(yst artistic ideals and business sensibilities means that Pam cannot always book the more avant-garde comics that she prefers, though insightful acts like Butler and recent performer Jamie Lissow keep intellect alive on McCurdy's stage. The challenge of perspective and introspection that innovative comedy offers audiences is the art's most powerful property, she believes. 'The great thing about stand-up is. that you're hearing someone's perspective exactly for what it is," and comedians' views can confuse or even offend many, she said. The idea behind such provocation, she explained, is that ''the more you challenge yourself [to understand others], and the more you talk about things, the more you're going to know who you are." Ten dollars is not an unreasonable price for a night's step towards enlightenment through laughter; and in comparison to the more inconsistent and chemical vessels through which New College students seek higher consciousness, a night at McCurdy's is cheap and good for your health. Just don't order the nachos at the club, for they are neither. For info on tickets and show times, call McCurdy's at 925-FUNY.
Pizza Pros 2801 N. Tamiami Trail (941) 358-0020 or 0023 (Formerly Domino's) E W COLLEGE STUDENT MENU 14 INCH "LARGE" 16 INCH "XLARGE" one topping $5.50 one topping $6.50 adjj_ ticrul tqpir.gs $1. 00 over 5 tqpirgs: Large $10.50 Xlarge $11.50 2rd pizza (of Eq.Bl or lEBEEr vallE): Ii:lrge $5.50 XLarge $6.50 CINNAMON BREAD $1.99 GARLIC BREAD $2.50 CHEESE BREAD $3.50 CHICKEN wnt;S (10) OR STRIPS (5) $5.99 DRINKS (PEPSI, DIET PEPSI, MOUNTAIN DEW) : 12 CJl. (1\N $.75 2 LTR. POTTLE $1.99 FREE DELIVERY Delivery or Carryout 358-0020 OR 358-0023 OPEN DAILY 4PM-MIDNIGHT SORRY, NO PERSONAL CHECKS ACCEPTED
The Catalyst March 5, 2003 ON CAMPUS Applications carefully reviewed before decisons from page 4 recommendation and extracurricular activities in their relative importance. Briell defended Admissions use of standardized test s, which are legally required in the state of Florida a s part of the admissions process at every state university. 'We are willing to g i ve the benefit of the doubt to the student who has performed well in the classroom and may have weaker SAT scores," he s aid. According to Briell while some of the criticisms of the SAT may be true, it sets a standard "When I am comparing somebody from Sarasota-Riverview to someone from Long Island, New York, at least I have one thing in common, and that is the SAT he said. Michalson took a different view. Michal on noted that although the school would lose its bragging rights of having the some of the highest SATs averages of any public university in the state, he has been pleasantly surprised by the success of other institutions that have already made the move away from SATs. "I would love to drop the requirement. I don't like standardized tests," Michalson said Is graduation the definition of success? In its history New College has been torn between choosing candidates likely to graduate and those who are less scholastically proven but more wide-ranging in perspective. According to President Michalson, increasing graduation rates has been a large goal of Admissions in recent years, and the graduation rate is higher than it was a decade ago. But with the incoming class of 2002 having the highest average high school grade point average of any class in more than 10 years, some question the recent scholastic focus of Admiss ions "What i s so extraordinary about getting students who already have a 3 5 GPA and a 1200 SAT what i s e x traordinary about that?" asked Divers i ty and Gender Coordinator Tashia Bradley, who felt that given New College's status as a public college it had a responsi bility to make its criteria for acceptance as wide as possible Bauman acknowledged that the admissions process gives an advantage to people who are lucky enough to live in neighborhood that can afford high-quality high school," but argued that New College cannot open its doors to everyone who wants to enroll. Merit vs. need-based aid Furthering the preferences it gives to students with strong academic records, in 2003 New College for malized a system of giving merit-based scholarship to prospective students based solely on a formula combining SAT or ACT scores, re-calculated grade point average, and clas rank. The cholarsbips are guaranteed for students who apply before Feb. 1 with out respect to financial need, With the prospects of the Bright Futures program in question, the days of students receiving scholarsrup fund ing above the actual costs of college may soon be over. Even so, some students question the lack of focus on financial need during the admissiOns pt"()W s. '!here is very little being done for need-based admissions," said Scott "I don't think the tension "Given how low our profile is, and how new we are as a school, we need these scholarships in order to attract top students," said Bauman. He noted he would like to move to a need-based system. as is common among between honors and experimental ever ought to be resolved." -President Michalson many private liberal arts colleges, but as of now the institution does not have the funding to meet every student's need fully. MichaJson repeated this entiment, saying that increasing the student base here would make it more fea si ble to strengthen the financial aid program ''I am gung -h o not just to g et t o 800 [ s tudents) but to 1 200," he said. "If we raise e nough p riva t e money we can even get to the point where we don't char g e tuition ." ....-_._ ---_ ...... --Jesus ound near Marriott, along with porn by Sarah Stamper There is a place at New College where you can find Jesus for free. About six inches to the left of this place you can fmd a silver plastic float, a tom shirt and a vibrator. The free table is the only place at New College that serves as a model for subjective value and a location where you are almost guaranteed to fmd free underwear. The stories that circulate the New College campus regarding the free table are mostly urban legends. The most infamous story centers around a used butt plug that mysteriously wound up on the table late one night. This is nothing compared to the history of a very bad pornographic ftlm entitled "A Cock in Every Hole." When the most recent known owner of the video, second-year David Mayo, found it there was a note attached that said, 'The title of this video is a violation of Florida Truth in Advertising laws. At no point in this feature is there ever a cock in every hole, simultaneously or consecutively.'' Mayo claims to have returned the video to the free table promptly after viewing and watched it vanish in one minute and twenty-three seconds. Current New College students have become almost desensitized to the bizarre items placed on the free table. Prospective students have no such luck. Alex Otto recently transferred to New College, but only after a startling first encounter with the notorious free table. Otto said, "The frrst time I visited New College, I spotted a decapitated plastic doll suspended in the murky liquid of a glass bottle whose cork slowly was disintegrating. I gave it to my Engli h teacher as the 'Brave New World' baby. New College staff also takes advantage of the fre_e. table. NCSA Comptroller Barbara Berggren was asked about the rumors that she put her husband's old books on the free table without his knowledge. After laughing, she said, "I am certainly glad that someone can make use of the books. I just put them on there occasionally." Other members of the New College community have no idea that the free table even exists. Literature Professor Arthur "Mac" Miller said, "I am ashamed to say that I don't know a damn thing about it. Every damn table I have ever gotten I had to pay for.'' Once the concept behind the free table was explained he added, "Well, if this table does exist I should start using it. A free table, hrnmm ... Little does Miller know but the pet gecko his daughter Qaire, a first-year, gave him for his birthday came of that very table. Once an item is placed on the free table it is considered fair game and anyone can take it for any purpose. "Last year after painting my room, I put the extra paint on the free table. Some kids who were putting on a play snagged them, and the set of the play ended up looking like my Room. second-year Erica Panera bread on the free table at one time or another. This is some of the only food that has been put on the free table that is safe to eat. Thesis-student Julian Frazier said, 'The worst thing to put on the free table i dumpster food. My roommate was on the toilet for an entire day from eating doughnuts from the free table." Most New College students have very good experiences with the free table. Items uch as toaster ovens, televisions, computers and graphic cards are all items that get taken as soon as they urface on the free table. Other personal items like hampoo, books, shoes, wigs and clothing normally stick around for a few extra days. The free table still has a rapid turnover rate. The items that haven't found new homes within a week are taken to a shelter. Schechter said Schechter and many other tudents were quick to comment about the day when a very large supply of birth control pills made their way onto the free table. Birth control isn't the only item to be placed on the free table in quantity. The bookstore frequently depo its old magazines, Parkview sends over boxes of hampoo. and most New students h ave een The free table, pictured above, has always had its share of interesting finds. One cursory visit Tuesday morning found vinyl records, a computer printer, videotapes, and (of course) lots of clothes. Nathaniel Burbank/Gattt(l:s'f
BONK Festival of ew Music 2003 Thesday March 4 Saturday March 8 Concerts begin at 8:00 p.m. Concert locations include the Salvador Dalf Museum, St. Peter burg, University of South Florida's School of Mu ic, Tampa, and The Harbor Club in Tampa. Price: $8.00 for students and eniors, $10.00 for regular admission www.bonkfest.org or (813) 225-2594 Music Professor Rob Constable is the Vice President of the BONK fe tival and is also one of the core performers. According to the festival's website, his music "employs recursive and iterative algorithms and mappings of extra musical ystems into unique instrumentations, with an empha is on computer generated/processed music." (Tran.lation: it sounds weird and you'll like it.) Wednesday, March 5 Florida Strawberry Festival (see story page 12 for full coverage) Feb. 27 -March 9 (about 70 miles from New College) Concert: Rainer Maria Orpheum (Tampa., FL) 9:00p.m. $9.00-$10.00 http://www. rainermaria. com/ Poetic indie-rock (I think that means "emo") involving at least one member of Ezra Pound. Mates of State and "'ursday, March 6 Saturday Looks Good to Me will open. Concert: Yanni St. Pete Times Forum (Tampa. FL) 7:30p.m. Started out breaking the national freestyle record as a member of the Greek National Swimming Team, ended Letter to the Editor Greetings & Respect. Catalyst people! I feel the need to share a comment I have on the cartoon ran in this week's Catalyst: First of all, I really enjoy Chris' very appropriate cynical sen e of humor regarding the worldview of New College students.However, I found it HIGHLY IRONIC that in this week's cartoon, a student looking unhealthy and confused was depicted as ending up in a poorly-attended Black History Month panel, saying something like, "hey, I thought the NORML meeting was in here ... Okaygood, important point that the Black History Month events were embarassingly poorly-attended. BUT as an active and founding member of New College NORML and as Student Coordinator for Black History Month, I UPCOMING EVENTS. The weekend o come: things to do off-campus up with a keyboard, a fabulous mustache and billion of dollars. (60 miles from ew College) Opera: The Love of Three Kings (in Italian with English subtitles) Sarasota Opera L'amore dei tre re is justly considered one of the finest Italian operas of the 20th century. ln medieval Italy, the beautiful prince s Fiora has been forced to mrury against her will. When she is caught with her true love by the blind king, a classic and tragic drama unfold Friday, March 7 ( 4 miles from New College Concert: Drive By Truckers Twilight (Tampa, FL) http://www.drivebytruckers.com/ Their most recent album is Southern Rock Opera, about a guitar playing kid from the South who moves North, picks up punk, and tries to drop his accent. It doesn't work, of course, and he ends up proud o s roots, JUSt e e nve y Truckers' influence, Lynyrd Skynyrd. You will talk with a Southern twang for a while after listening to this rock 'n rot country mix. (34 miles from New College) Concert: Great Big Sea State Theater (St. Petersburg, FL) 8:00pm $12.00-$14.00 http://www.greatbigsea.com When you go to an Iri sb bar, the band starts the set out slow. As they get drunker, the pace picks up, and, as you found the stereotyping of NORML members quite offensive. In fact, many of the few New College students that did attend some Black History Month events were NORML members! I feel that this is because those New College students with enough per pective and energy to participate in one activism group also tends to have interest in other consciousness-raising events. Overall, though, I'm down with the cartoon. I just felt the need to express my opinions in hope of dismantling negative stereotypes about New College NORML members. And, if y'al I deem it appropriate, I would appreciate some note of this inaccurate representation in the next issue of The Catalyst. Julia Onnie-Hay get drunker, it starts to get better. Celtic and modem rock fusion Great Big Sea plays that fast pretty much a)] the time, which can sometimes sound like normal old Creed-ish rock, except with a tin whistle, "bodhran" (whatever that is), button accordion, fiddle and mandolin. Carbon Leaf will open. Opera: Macbeth by Giuseppe Verdi (in Italian with English projected titles) Sarasota Opera Macbeth not only showcases Verdi's unquestioned mastery of music, but also his keen understanding of drama. Verdi faithfully set to music the play he called "one of the greatest creations of man." Macbeth was the most daring and forward looking of Verdi's early works. Saturday, March 8 (4 miles from New College) Concert: Blue Oyster Cult --Jannus Landing (St. Petersburg, FL) 8:00p.m. http://www.blueoystercult.col'h a e on 't ear e eaper, rna e metal in the mid'70s, switched to metal-lite for a few albums, went a little bit poppy, of war/fire/flames Sunday, March 9 imagery, still considered cool. Concert: Preservation Hall Jazz Band Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center Ferguson Hall (Tampa, FL) 7:00pm At Preservation Hall in the French Quarter of New Orleans, tourists sit March 5, 2003 around pretending to understand jazz while requesting "When the Saints Go Marching In." over and over. But, don't worry; you probably aren't too cool to enjoy tlris band. (59 miles from New College) Concert: Doria Roberts, Halcyon, the Diane Ward Band Rosemary Court, 800 Central Ave., Sarasota 2:00-6:00 p.m. $10 in advance, $13 at gate. (813) 238-8001 or www.wmnforg A benefit for WMNF 88.5 FM Community Radio to celebrate and showcase women's music and Sarasota's historic Rosemary District. When Ani Difranco comes to Orlando in March, tickets will cost $30.00. Until them. atisfy that female folk singer/songwriter dependency at a much cheaper, much closer concert (about 4 miles from New College) Venue locations: The State Theatre is located at 687 Central Ave. St. Petersburg Phone: 727.895.3045 35 miles from New College JaDilus Landing is located at 16 2nd treet o t. PeterSburg Phone: 727.896.1244 36 miles from New CoUege The Orpheum is located at 1902 Republica de Cuba Ave. (14th Avenue) Ybor City Phone: 813.248.9500 34 miles from New College Sarasota Opera is Jocated at 61 N. Pineapple Avenue, Sarasota Phone: 941.366.8450
The Catal st PERSPECTIVE March Hastily finished, a word on the New Col ege website Michael Sanderson 0PINIO It is now less 12 hour before The Catalyst is due to leave the office for the printers, and the editors have all their content except for a big hole on page 11 where thi column is upposed to be. And I haven't started, and don't have any plan as to what I'm going to write. And I'm drunk and procrastinating by brow ing through the New College website. No, I'm not actually drunk, but ncf.edu is the only thing I can write about at 11:30 on a Monday evening. Proper reporting about the web site would involve orne actual interviewing to find who made the decisions why they did so. I think it's some committee, made up of repre entatives from different departments, but none of that matter now. Besides, if I asked them, they would probably have very reasonable explanation calendar every so often, sometimes from out-of-town. Then why, after the link, is the button for "Calendar" a link in a long, undifferentiated li t of options, with pointle s java to make the buttons light up when you move your mouse over them? And why do we have to download the calendar in either Micro oft Word or Adobe Acrobat Format? Would it be so hard to provide a calendar in html? Though I do like the link, on the left, to the 'multifaith' calendar, providing dates of holidays for six religions, with sound effects. The undifferentiated list is partially in alphabetical order, which hopefully isn't how the Regi trar' Office keep our academic files. But at least ''Welcome" i at the top of the list. Beyond that link-in a new window, for no reason-"Thank you for visiting. This page will be ready oon." And below: "Copyright New College of Florida (04/04/02)." Is this what the Registrar's Office means when they say, "Your tran cript will be ready soon"? the organizational chart of the college. Student Affairs also links to the New College Student Alliance, but to a different, older web page then the current page on tudentweb.ncf.edu. On a po itive note, the organization of the tudentweb pages have improved dramatically ince Konnie Kruczek in Student Affair took over management of them. Back to the main page, the "Search" link also makes no sen. e, as it bring up a list of other earch engines. The option earch this site" is not linked to anything. Even amateurish blog have configured Google mini-engine to earch only their ite. Maybe this was once a plan, but no one ever got around to it. The rna of gray on the bottom of the main site is too much to go into, but the link "Science Facilihe deserves mention. I know what it is, but only becau e I attended the Sept. 29 Board ofTru tees meeting: It i image -without any text or other explination-of the PowerPoint presentation given by then Natural Sciences Division Chair Suzanne Shennan about the division. It features building for the objections I raise. I would feel compelled to justify the existence of the problems I ask about. So thi column is all questions, and only one answer. ''Thank you for visiting. This page will be ready student at micro cope and orne faculty, including a particularly random shot of two profe ors standing in front of an empty fi h tank. Enough excuses: Start by clicking on the big button "About NCF." Seeing narrative evaluation and independent study project in bold brings me back to my senior year of high soon!' And below: "Copyrigbt New College of Florida (04/04/02)!' Is this what the Registrar's La t-minute prote tation a ide, pulling a hack job like thi i cheap but totally appropriate to evaluate the web site. schooL when eeing those t ith wonder as I imagined what I could accompli h with their freedom. ow seeing those terms causes me to tighten my lips and Office means when they say, ''Your transcript will be ready soon''? individually, but it's tructurally wrong to put them together to collectively manage thi critical element. Web sites are the fJr t thing most prospective tudents and other trangers to the College will ee, and there' no explaining yourself in inhale harply as I remember what I have gotten away with under their cover. Also brought up on the "about NCF' page are gray link to the fact book and organizational chart. Just the sort of information needed by visitors who know nothing about New College. Hey! I know that guy in dreadlock on the main page! What are the odds of that? (A: Number of people you know divided by 600.) Moving on down the big buttons to "Registrar/Calendar." Thi is a good link to have up, since everyone needs to check the acaderruc (This criticism of the Registrar's piece of the web ite i in no way intended to denigrate the work of that office and I know they will understand that. Still, I want my tran cripts sent to graduate chools v1a certified mail.) Then there' Student Affair with it prominent placement of the preliminary chedule for New College Weekend-Feb. 7,8,9. It also has links. to offices and function provided by Student Affarrs, such as Parkview, Orientation, and the Fitness Center. Because that's how people find information on web ites, by what department has authority over it in cyber pace. The committee doubtle s would contmue to have value in an advisory capacity, and the variou office have a re ponsibility to keep their pages and information current. But the Pre ident's office-at the apex of the organizational chart-need to give ?ne per,on, someone with experience tructunng web and knowledge of the college, the authority to de tgn something for everyone. Something that's not chaotic. 'Half-Life' by Christopher DeFillippi 8vT, SfiT. ALL THE oF' ABOP.TID/J Hltrf ANb 8ELL.ItiRENT fMlHA2I' EX11MPLE, Is RooT EO IN A WHAT ARE !@ /)oiHft AT A PRoTEST!/ PHILOSofHICAL OIFFE,fNCE OF' OPZNIOJJ IN REGARbS To I Do14'T 8LItJE THAT A PRoTEsT cAN'T 8 WHEN LIFE BEGI/IS. WE MIST EFFcTXIEi I JllsT BELIEVE IT ofTEN CIVILLY THIS IN ISN'T. TRAOITioNALL'f, !T HAS TRIED To A CALftl, LOGICAL. /
_____ c_A_r_A_r_Y_s_rEntertainment _______ Get going, the strawberry f stiv by Caitlin Young This weekend will conclude Plant City's 68th annual Florida Strawberry Festival. Its theme. originally enough, is "Let Freedom Ring ." As stated on their website, ''What could be more American than discovering Plant City and eating ripe, luscious strawberries which local berry farmers have worked long and hard to bring to market ?" With an invitation like that I couldn't resist. So I enlisted the aid (and car) of friend and fellow first year Tam Tidwell and went to see what all the fuss is about. We downloaded directions from the website, but once you get off exit 19 there's really no need. It's Strawberry Land. A dog-eat-dog parking situation is both helped and exacerbated by entrepreneuring natives. The Boy Scouts presented an endearing picture in their Mickey Mouse raincoats, however their waving was indiscriminate and very confusing. Every available space in town anywhere near the festival grounds is turned into parking, making a choice difficult. Finally, $5 later, we were parked. As I carefully opened my door, the homeowner wa.rn e n n ee was joking Regardless I was careful. The tree is fine. The first impression I received was that this is not an event for flip-flops. Upon examination, I realized that we were the only ones wearing them. City-born college kids just don't know how to dress. We were going to go on Saturday, when it wasn't raining. However, Sunday's Diaper Derby seemed to be the premier event of the weekend. How could one resist? The extremely nice and helpful gentleman at the information desk didn't know much about the diaper decorating and subsequent racing (Hillsborough county babies only) but he tried to send us in the right direction. I'll admit it was my fault we got lost the flfSt time. But when we were 50 ft. away from the baby bam I knew exactly where we were. When we got to the baby bam there wasn't even one single proud mother. I asked one of the handful of people in the tent, four times with increasing loudness, what the deal was. When I said "baby racing" I think she decided I was being a jerk and started to ignore me. It was with massive disappointment that we concluded that the Diaper Derby had either been canceled or finished early. The baby nonchalance was most likely caused by the beginning musical act I spent a good five minutes at the fresh squeezed lemonade stand discussing music with the attendants. "Are you going to Vmce Gill?" one asked. "No, I'm not a big fan of country," I replied in a whisper, fearful that she'd chuck a lemon at me. Oh, you must like stuff like that Ja Rule and Ludacris, right?" she said. Yeah, something like that. Beyond the fantastic lemonade, there was the usual fair food, but also some local specialties. Like the chocolate verily. There seemed to be a strange juxtaposition where you could enjoy the food, and then go pet the pre-meal version. There were both exotic and barnyard petting zoos. The kangaroo "AI," who according to the sign "likes the pellets best," laid in a nocturnal slumber as anxious children pelted carrot slices at him. He remained, eyes closed and ears back, and bore a strong resemblance to my roommate when I have friends in the room late at night: calm acceptance, but really wanting to kick you. There is also Robinson's Racing Pigs, a daily show. There were three heats on Sunday, each with a different group of Vietnamese potbelly pigs. As the races continued, the pigs got smaller. Surprisingly fast competitors like "Britney Sparerib" won the crowd over easily. As the theme song said, "they're not sloppy pigs, they're TV star quality." Fun of a faster nature is also available. The fairway is chocked full of standard rides and ranges from both extremes, such as the Ring of Fire (know your limitations) and the Dunking Booth. Beware, the dunking clown can inspire Florida Strawberry Fes ival2003 Plant City, FL "Let Freedom Ring" Thursday, March 6 Ride-A-Thon (3am-11pm)f-$17 wristband for Midway 3:00 Strawberry Shortcake Eating Contest Cost: Adult-$8. Rides extra. Wristbands available (see schedule) Times: 10:00 a.m. Gates Open 12:00 p.m. Midway Opens More Info: http://www. flstrawberryfestival.com/ Directions: East on University to 1-75. Go north on 1-75 towards Tampa. Take 1-4 east to exit 19. Once you get off, follow the enormous crowds of people and pat1t wherever you can. Note: Wear shoes. Most pat1ting $5. Strawberry flats sell in town for $6-$8. 4:30 and 7:30 Bobby Vinton Friday, March 7 Moonlight Magic (11 pm-3am) $20 wristband for Midway 3:00--5:00 Livestock Contestant Judging Contest 4:30 and 7:30 An Evening with Neal McCoy Saturday, March 8 10:15 Baby 10:30-2:00 4-H Dog Show 4:30 and 7:30 Billy Ray Cyrus 7:00 Youth Steer Sale Sunday, March 9 12:00 Youth Beef Breed Show 4:30 and 7:30 Martina McBride is leaving homicidal rage in the average passerby with his incessant taunting Tam wouldn't go on any of the rides, so I had to get my kicks in other ways. The most exciting (but bizarre) occurrence was definitely the Charmin Pottypalooza 2003, a traveling portapotty exhibit. It all started when an uniformed attendant ushered me into a stall. The stench was horrible, but after a moment, I realized it was coming from the nearby cattle exhibit. Bad planning, because the bathroom was immaculate Faux wood floors and painted paneling decorated the almost standing-room only cubicle. A TV recessed into the wall showcased satisfied customer testimonials. One happy mother exclaimed, "It was better than Disneyland!" as outside a scrupulous attendant reminded stall #3 to lock his door. High class. But what's a visit to a strawberry festival without the strawberries? The chocolate kabobs were grand, but the climax of the comestible options is definitely the shortcake. Thanks to a tip from Plant City native and first-year Kristin Psiaki, we bypassed the poser shortcake makers and headed for St. Clement's. There you pay $2.50 and hop in a line where you choose either a biscuit or the traditional sponge cake and top it yourself with an unlimited amount of strawberries and whipped cream. "I want another one already," Tam said upon first taste. Whether she went back for a second is a secret. Nuns don't tell.