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Volume V, Issue 13 Nov. 28-Dec.4, 1995 Only 28 shopping days left 'til Christmas. Profile: Tal Greenberg by Matthew Grieco Interviewing Tal Greenberg is much like reading the walls of the Publications Office: once you slice through the ardent diatribes and admon ishments of treason, you find a degree of sagacity. p Rare is the Novo Collegian to whom Tal is R a stranger. He r an unsuccessfully for the Student Affairs Council twice last year (and was going to run again this year), and despite failing to win a seat, left a deep impression upon all who heard his campaign speeches. "[I tried to con vey to people] the ability to reaUze that things are not what they seem," says Tal in retrospect. Perceptions of Tal vary throughout the New College community, but he dis counts them all: "No one understands me completely," he insists. "I am not taken seriously; I am seen as harsher than I Hoping to uncover the man behind the umbrella, I pressed Tal about his past and his plans for the future. Reticent in discussing his early years, Tal would say only that he was dissatisfied with his high-school experience, and came to New College with "the preconception that here I would have a bully pulpit. I'm glad I'm CONTINUED ON PAGE 2 INSIDE Slavic Singers .................. 2 Deadlines ..................... 3 It's Just a Jump to the Left ........ 4 New College? Wherezat? ......... 5 British Royalty ................. 7 Pirates Cove . . . . 8 MA STER PLAN NOW O FFI CIA L by Rocky Swift The Master Plan was accepted by the Board of Regents on November 2, and now serves as the model of the USF Sara sota/New College campus's growth over the next ten years. Every college in the state university system must come up with a Master Plan to govern their future growth. For a Mas ter Plan to become official, it must go through at least two public hearings and then be approved by the Board of Re gents. The last public hearing regarding the USF Sarasota/New College Master Plan before it was sent to the Board of Regents was held in the Sainer auditorium on October 25. The previous public hearing took place last year where the plan hit serious opposition from locals. At that meeting, residents along 58th Street, which is just south of B-dorm, expressed concern over a planned loop street that would disrupt their property. The loop was planned to start around the Selby science building and meet up with 58th street, while Dort Drive would be closed to traffic and made a pedestrian walkway. After 58th Street residents protested, new plans had the loop doubling back on itself and returning from whence it came, leaving 58th Street safe and sound. The new and improved Master Plan went through its second and final public hearing in October, apparently without a hitch. What about the students? The pub lic hearing was advertised in local papers, as the planners are legally obligated to do, but no attempt was made to inform stu dents of the meeting. Campus Dean David Schenck as serted that student response and input was sought last year at half a dozen meetings between Master Plan architects and stu dents. Schenck said that students were not intentionally left out of the last public CONTINUED ON PAGE 2 FALCONE ELECTED NCSA PRESIDENT by Dan Berke The results of the New College Student Alliance Presidential Elections are in, and second-year and fonner NCSA Vice-President Jessica Falcone has been elected NCSA President with 121 votes. Steven Haedicke, the other listed candi date, received 68 votes. The results were tabulated late last Monday night by Elections Supervisor Jake Reimer, who then posted them around Hamilton Center TUesday morning. The remaining votes included three abstentions; two write-in votes for second year student Brian Whitener; and one write-in vote each for Steve Waldman, Kaiser Sosei, and author and professor Chaim Potok (who spoke at New College on November 27th). A total of 197 votes were cast, meaning that less than a third of the stu dent body voted. In her campaign, Falcone promised to increase students' "Constitutional awareness," improve communication between students and the NCSA, clarify the roles of the NCSA's three branches, move elections to November and March, and put out a regular student government newsletter.


2 The Catalyst Nov. 28-Dec. 4, 1995 "GREENBERG" FROM PAGE 1 STUPENDOUS SINGERS here. Elsewhere I'd be unhappy A man who likens himself to Prince Metternich and declares that his life's goal is "to dictate," Tal has plans for the future which are starkly mundane: "Grad school. .. travel. .. I'd like to see Germany ... I've always thought of New College as a sort of last chance, a haven." At the beginning of the 1994-95 academic year, Mr. Greenberg told this reporter that he would dedicate himself to becoming "the gadfly of New College." A year later, I returned to ask Tal to evalu ate his own success. "I feel I have succeeded," says Tal. ''I can see most sides of an issue. I can gauge other peoples' dedication to their own philosophies." He may be right. The Zarathustra in-residence of New College, Tal has achieved the bulk of his notoriety through his uncensored rebukes of the shortcom ings of any who pass through the doors of our fine institution. Says Tal, "I love New College, therefore I scold it." "SCAM" FROM PAGE 1 hearing. "Tills was directed more outside the campus," said Schenck. "I am con cerned if students feel left out of the process, but I don't think they were ... Sometimes I don't think the information gets to students very well." Other than the loop change, the Cii"ta lyst General Editor lien Zazueta-Audirac Managing Editor Kate Fink Staff Writers Dan Berke, Evan Greenlee, Matthew Grieco, Rachael Lininger, Amanda Loos, James Reffell, Grahan Strouse, and Rocky Swift Layout Kelly Nichols and Matt Spitzer Business Managers Ken Burruss and Sara Foley Computer Guy Steve Wilder Contributor James Todd by Amanda Loos The New College Slavic Vocal En semble is busy preparing for their first concert of the year to be held on Wednes day. The ensemble will perform folk songs in the languages of the Slavic vil lages where they originated. The ensemble began at New Col lege after former Visiting Professor of Russian Laura Olson spent 10 months traveling through Slavic countries, collect ing music and singing techniques from different villages. The group began in the 1993-94 school year with eight members. It has been composed of a mix of commu nity members, New College alumni, staff, and students who audition for parts in the group. The ensemble has performed many times on campus as well as in the commu nity to raise money for projects and trips such as one two summers ago to Gorublyane, a small village in Bulgaria, where they perfonned at a folk festival. "This is the year we're actually born," said Juliana Pare, an alum and one Master Plan is very much the same. Some Master Planned buildings that students may see relatively soon are the new dorms, the marine science building, the new natural science building, and a pho tography/painting studio in Caples. Schenck believes that the Master Plan is necessary to bring a sense of order and balance to the campus. "I think it of the original members. It is the group's first year without Olson Other members include Tracy Bar low, fourth-year; Robert Lecusay, third year; Laurel Isbister, fourth-year; fourth year Geoff Kurtz; Kate Fink, Catalyst Managing Editor; Coree White, fourth year; and Dylan James, third-year. The ensemble draws them in for various reasons. "I like the way the lan guage sounds when I say it," said Pare. Fink, who is a Russian Studies stu dent, said, "[the ensemble] is a nice way to combine my interest in music and Russian culture." Working with the group has also contributed to different areas of their lives. Barlow said it has helped her feel more confident on the stage, and Pare enjoys working through musical difficulties as a group. The concert will be held at 8:00 P.M. in the College Hall Music Room, and they are sure to delight you. Yes, refresh ments will be served. makes about as much sense as you could possibly make of this place," he said. "The layout is screwy, but we're stuck with it." Did you ,.,.llin Zazue.ta-Audirac"' is perfect iambic te.trame.te.r! The Catalyst is available on the World Wide Web at Direct submissions and inquiries to: The Catalyst 5700 N. Tamiami Tr. Box #75 Sarasota, FL 34243 or Submissions may also be placed in the Catalyst box marked "Lette rs to the Editor/ Contributions" (in the Student Gov'nt boxes next to Barbara Berggren's office). Letters to the Editor should be no more than 250 words. Submissions should be labeled as either a letter to the editor or a contribution and include name and contact information No anonymous submissions will be accepted. Submissions should be received by 5:00 PM Friday in order to appear in the following week's issue. The Catnlyst res"erves the right to edit submissions for reasons of space or grammar. Sponsored by Maria Vesperi and Dean Michaelson


The Catalyst Nov. 28-Dec. 4, 1995 3 DEADLINES, DEADLINES, DEADLINES by Matthew Grieco Do you hear that soft ticking sound? Never fear. It's just the semester grinding on towards yet another deadline. The "New College Academic Cal endar" given to us by the Records Office is an imposing little slip of paper. But only some of those dates are enforced un der penalty of death, and none are as con fusing as some people try to make them. Veteran Professor of Literature Arthur "Mac" Miller likes to distinguish between "deadlines" and "target dates." If you miss a bona fide deadline, says Miller, "something horrible happens." If you miss a target date, he contin ues, "The only sanction is that your life becomes more difficult until the dead line." Well, then. Let's talk about the cap ital "D" Deadlines. Contract Submission The deadline for submitting your contract to the Records Office is Wednesday of the second week of classes in a given semes ter. If you miss this deadline, you can still turn in your contract that Thursday and Friday, but you will be assessed a $100.00 late fee. If you don't turn in a contract by the end of the second week of classes, your enrollment at New College will be cancelled. Therefore, if you find yourself fretting over the precise details of your contract, tum in something. You can, after all, renegotiate later. The Contract Sub mission deadline for next semester will be February 14. Contract Renegotiation Don't mess around with this one. Once the Records Office (in D-Building) has closed on Friday of the twelfth week of a given semester, you can no longer renegotiate your contract. In other words, it is now too late to change either your certification criteria or your classes and tutorials. For instance, say you are taking five classes, and need to sat four of them to sat your Contract If you think that you're going to have trouble pulling this off, make sure you talk to your sponsor before the Renegotiation deadline. This deadline has been decided by a faculty vote, and therefore ail professors are held to it. No matter how much your sponsor may love you, she will have no choice but to unsat you for the semester if you don't fix contract problems ahead of the dead line. One note about the timing: When the Records Office says "twelfth week of the semester," they mean the twelfth week including the break between modules. So, the contract renegotiation deadline for this semester was November 17, not Novem ber 24. The deadline next semester will be April26. There is one way around the con tract renegotiation deadline: the Student Academic Status Committee (SASC). Don't rely on this, though. The SASC does have the power to renegotiate con tracts after the deadline, but this rarely oc curs. Unless you have genuine extenuat ing circumstances (e.g., serious illness, etc.), the SASC is unlikely to grant your petition. If you do want to follow this op tion, you should send your request in the form of a letter to the SASC. Miller, who has been at New Col lege since 1964, says that contract renego tiation by the SASC is "virtually unheard of." Registration Don't confuse this one with the Contract Submission deadline. The dead line described previously is a New Col lege affair between you, your sponsor, and the Records Office. The Registration Deadline, on the other hand, is a price we must pay for being a part of the Universi ty of South Florida. Every New College student is enrolled at USF in exactly one 16 credit-hour course, called "New Col lege." Once again, your enrollment at New College will be cancelled if you don't register with USF on time. The deadline for registration is the Friday be fore classes of a given semester begin. Also, one normally registers for ISPs at the same time one registers for Fall Se mester. CLAST Registration Oh, scary. The College Level Achievement Skills Test is the other ma jor form of homage that we have to pay to the State. This is also a hard-and-fast CONTINUED ON PAGE 4 World OUTSIDE THE IVORY TOWER A television news crew in Moscow was directed by Chechen separatists to a large radioactive parcel buried near the entrance to one of the city's busiest public parks. Sharnil Basayev, a rebel militar; leader of the group, told journalists that "we are completely prepared to commit acts of terrorism .... For the first time in 30 years, Egypt has put members of the Muslim Brotherhood in prison. The 54 members were convicted by a military court of hav ing ties to Muslim extremists fighting to end Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak's secular regime. The trial was criticized by opposition parties and human rights groups because it does not allow appeals. Troops of Bosnian Serbs looted a UN base on Thursday. The U.S.-arbitrated peace plan outlining the creation of a new Bosnian republic requires that 60,000 NATO troops be sent to Bosnia by mid December to enforce new rules. Now, those forces, 20,000 of which will be American soldiers, may move into Bosnia sooner. Nation The four-year-old Glass Commission studying the progress of women and minorities in the workplace concludes that the "glass ceiling" is a problem that the nation can no longer afford to ignore. The Commission advises American businesses to support affmna tive action and diversity programs. The Clinton administration is push ing forward plans to privatize low-securi ty federal prisons, despite the fact that the record of privately-run prisons is filled with costly mistakes. The plan is based on Vice President AI Gore's review to rein vent government, but ignores critical con clusions from that review. According to a new report in Science, 3% of young black men aged 27 to 39 are estimated to be infected with HIV. Also, 0.7% of young white men, 1% of young black women, and 0.06% of young white women may be infected. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced that in 1993 AIDS became the #I cause of death for people ages 25 to 44.


4 The Catalyst Nov. 28-Dec. 4, 1995 "DEADLINES" FROM PAGE 3 College calendar are deadlines, in the to find an ISP sponsor as time goes on. deadline. Don't worry about it, though-sense that it is wise to keep up with them. Even in late November the hunt can be about the only way that New College stuBut the fact is, some so called deadlines arduous. Signing up for an ISP late won't dents get kicked out due to the CLAST is or "due-dates" are not as strict as those hurt your enrollment status, but it may by forgetting to show up. The deadline to described above. Don't ignore the as lead to a less interesting ISP. register for the spring CLAST is January given, but don't panic every time Records Declaring Area of Concentration 19, and the test itself is on February 17. sends you a nastygrarn threatening the Miller calls this particular target Make sure you register for the loss of your contract, enrollment, finandate, "the main thing that causes people CLAST during your third contract. At the cial aid, or soul. panic" when it comes to dealing with the very latest you must take it by your ISP Sign-Up Records Office. According to the Acadefourth. On the day of the test, stumble Here's a case in point. According mic Calendar, students in their fifth eoover to Sudakoff and make fun of r------------------------, tract must submit an approved Coming Deadlines Area of Concentration form by ISP Sign-Up (every ISP) .................. December 1 CLAST Sign-Up (2nd year) ................ January 19 ISP Deadline (every ISP) .................. February 1 the kindergarten teachers who serve as proctors. Ignore their fee ble threats. Answer the questions like good little boys and girls, and go back to sleep. Then forget it ever happened and never think Registration (every term) .................. February 2 the Friday of the first week of the second module. Miller notes that his students frequently panic when they receive notes from the Records Office warning them of this deadline. about the CLAST again. Contract Submission (every term) ........... February 14 Declaring Leave of Absence or Area of Conecentration (5th contract) ......... April 5 Off-Campus Study Thesis Prospectus (6th contract) ............. April 5 In fact, the only repercussion This deadline is relatively Contract Renegotiation .................... April 26 for failing to turn this form in is strict, but you can petition the Fall Leave of Absence/Off-Campus Study ..... May 1 a hold on your registration for Dean and Warden's office later on L-----------------------J the following semester until you if you feel you have a good reason to submit the form. Therefore, you have unto the Academic Calendar, ISP sign-up leave campus soon. The deadline to detil the deadline for registration to declare forms are due on December 1. This is, in clare a leave of absence or off-campus an Area of Concentration. fact, the quintessential target date. study for a spring semester is November "De facto," says Miller, "the ac-1, and the deadline to declare the same for According to Miller, the faculty of tual deadline for an Area of Concentration New College have decided that the actual a fall semester is May I. [for this term's fifth-contract students] is deadline for turning in an ISP form is the T h e Target Dates This section warrants a disclaimer. As a woman who works in the Records Office said in response to a Catalyst in quiry, all of the dates listed on the New February 2. Of course, anyone who waits last day of the ISP period, i.e., early that long is a damn fool." February. '"This is absurd, I'll admit," Mill Thesis Prospectus says er. This is due during your sixth conOf course, it's still a good idea to tract, but in all other respects is subject to turn your ISP sign-up form in as soon as the same rules as your Area of Concentrapossible, for other reasons, the main one tion form. being that it becomes progressively harder LET' S DO THE TIME WARP AGAI N by Matthew Grieco I would like, if I may, to take you to a strange movie. The Rocky Horror Picture Show is difficult to describe. To some, it's a unify ing weekly experience devoted to break ing down the boundary between audience and actor. To others, it's a bunch of freaks in drag throwing rice. Me, I've been a member of the cult too long to be any judge. New College students had the chance to decide for themselves on No vember 19, when Palm Court Projections featured Rocky Horror. Although cross dressers were sadly lacking, many students brought props such as rice and toast, and many had at least a few lines to call out to the screen. Virgins (an affectionate term for those experiencing Rocky for the first time), included many innocent young students and Sailor the Cat. They were treated to lines and dances as remembered by seasoned veterans. Rocky Horror is not just a film, it's a guiding light for the behavior of those who attend. Audience members are ex pected to talk back to the screen, to throw rice, confetti, toast, and toilet paper, to dance 'The Time Warp," and to dress up like the characters. Virgins are expected to sit back, take it all in, and prepare to perform next time. The show is only as constant as the people with whom you watch it. Local jibes that I tossed off as a virgin in Atlanta met with blank stares when tested on Florida soil. Current events, geography, and personal quirks all mix to make Rocky Horror an ever-changing experience. During the rainy driving scene, as I sat waving a cigarette lighter and holding a copy of The Catalyst over my head (to protect me from the water pistols squirt ing upwards around me), I tried to count how many times this had happened be fore. Fifty would be my closest g u ess.


The Catalyst Nov. 28-Dec. 4, 1995 5 UH, IT'S A COLLEGE? by Amanda Loos Here we are, floating in our ivory tower. It's not often that we are fully aware of what goes on in the unreal world outside. But does that world know what goes on in ours? I emerged from the tower one bright busy day and hit Main Street Sarasota and the Southgate Mall in search of a new perspective on New College. Lots of people shopping, walking, talking, eating, sightseeing, working, staring and you know what? They love us! Well ... mostly, if they've heard of us. "I know it [New College] well," said an elderly man in Sarasota Hardware and Paint. "I know General Heiser very well. I took care of his pool." He raised his chin and nodded emphatically. "Best acad emic liberal arts college in the country ... by far. No exceptions. I went to Penn and thought that was a good school, but New College is superior by far." "I think of higher standards. Excellent university," said a middle-aged man in Express. "I understand it's quite a prestigious place, not easy to get into," said one per son in the Christian Science Reading Room. They hear "no structure," and they hear "good student teacher ratio." "If they're still doing where you develop at your own pace, I like that idea," said an older man with a big nod. "All smart kids go there," said a woman in Main Books. "Lots of creative people, you know," said the woman with red lipstick and bubble gum in the New York Hair Co. Of course, there are the influences of beloved Money Magazine. "Good school. It's also a good buy." Some describe the atmosphere of New College: "Some funky students sit ting around playing Trivial Pursuit all day." "Liberal," was all one man had to say, laughing as he wal1ced away. Then there were those with a half a clue: "What is it, like, honors students, or something?" "I don't know (shrug) it's just a college down there on 41." "I might have [heard of it], but it didn't stick. Didn't they send out some fliers or some thing?" A quarter of a clue: "Is it a commu nity college?" "I saw it on a road sign ." And then, the clueless. Fourteen people had never heard of it at all. We can excuse the tourists-maybe. Oh, yeah. And the young people? "Parties," one said. FOUR NEW TRUSTEES E LECTED from the New College Foundation At its fall meeting, the Board of political science. He is currently Director, Trustees of New College Foundation The J.M. Kaplan Fund, New York. unanimously elected four new trustees to Harvey Rothenberg is the former serve on the Board for a three-year renewCEO of Stuffed Shirt Inc., an apparel able term. They are: Mildred Ellis, manufacturing company. He is the former Charles Hamilton, Harvey Rothenberg, Deputy Commissioner, New York State and Adam Stone. Department of Environmental Mildred Ellis was Director of Conservation, and served as Appointments Admissions at New College from 1973Secretary to Mayor John V. Lindsay of 1979. She has been an Associate, New York City. Community Host Day Chairman, a memAdam Stone (Alumni Trustee) ber of the Action Auction Committee, and received h 1 s BA from New College last she was chairman of the committee that May. He chaired the Student Affairs organized the dedication of the Jane Council worked on the Internet Bancroft Cook Library, located on the Newsletter Summer Reading and New College/USF campus in Sarasota various S()Cial ev$'.nts. recentl began a Charles Hamilton is a charter class Ph.D program at the University of graduate of New College where he carried California at Berkeley in political science. a triple major in history, philosophy, and Minutes of SAC Meeting Monday, November 20, 1995 Meeting convened at 9:00P.M. All mem bers in attendance. All votes were unani mous except where otherwise indicated: 27 Wagons Full of Cotton-Eric Piotrowski requested $45.00 for props for this Tennessee Williams play, starring David Salinas. David abstained from vot ing. Allocation: $45.00 Fetish Ball-Mercedes Paulino requested an additional $150.00 to sup plement the $150.00 already allocated for chicken wire, rope, alligator clips, pud ding, top soil, etc. Martha, Jake, and Lisa abstained from voting. All other votes were in favor. Allocation: $150.00 Dark Room-Kaveh Askari and Jesse Abrams requested $238.00 for chemicals, equipment, and film. Film was catego rized as an individual expense and thus not fundable by the SAC. Jake was not present for this vote. Allocation: $178.00 Kevin Cante--Kelly Nichols requested $500.00 on behalf of Jan Wheeler, Miriam Wallace, and the Creative Writing tutorial to fund part of the hono rarium, travel expenses, and lodging for this published writer to give a reading of his work and hold a workshop. Since par ticipation in this workshop would be lim ited to students in the tutorial and in Ar thur Miller's Poetics class, the SAC could not fund this. Fritz Cesspool-Aaron Gustafson requested $30.00 to expand the size of this first issue to 16 pages, due to the unexpectedly large number of student contributions. The money was allocated with the condition that a publication of this scope should rely on advertising rev enue for additional funding in the future. As was stipulated at the October 16 meeting when the original allocation was granted, this publication must disclose its advertising revenue to the SAC. Alloca tion: $30.00 Other business: It was decided that SAC members who will not be on cam pus for the ISP period are responsible for appointing proxy for themselves to ensure a quorum and the continuation of regular business during that time. Meeting adJourned at 10:15 P.M. [minutes prepared by David Salinas]


6 The Catalyst Nov. 28-Dec. 4, 1995 BUYING A COMPUTER: CHECK YOUR SOURCES by Steve Wilder decide what you want for you. You're Meet Julie. She's an average colabout to spend a lot of money, so be forlege student at an average university. And ward with them and don't let them guide she's really sick and tired of people writyou into a more expensive purchase. ing articles like this and always naming Also, ask if they have a floor model of the mail-order. IBM and Mac catalogues can be procured from the Mac Lab TAs (Rocco Maglio, Rachael Lininger, or yours truly). USF Bookstore: Huh? the protagonist Joe. So she's going to do computer you want, so you can play Most of the information I have on something about it. She's going to write a around with it and see if it will suit your ordering from the USF Bookstore comes !1111!1 letter and send it to needs. Don't buy something just because to me from a friend, who recently ordered all the newspapers it looks cool. Finally, if you do buy a Macintosh Power Book through the she can think of. something, remember to figure taxes into Bookstore. Apparently, you have to drive But bow is she the final price of the machine. Taxes all the way to Tampa (the root location for going to write it? don't apply to mail-order, but you could USF and the Bookstore) to pick up your She has a typefind yourself stuck with $50-60 worth in computer when it becomes available, ... writer, but most of taxes if you buy retail. which could take weeks. When compared i the keys are miss-Mail-Order: Not for the Impatient with catalogue prices, USF Bookstore ing. She could handwrite it, but even she Another alternative is to look prices are about the same (and in some has trouble reading her writing. through one of the dozens of computer cases much higher), although they boast Finally Julie gets an idea: this is a mail-order catalogues. As a whole, mail"student discounts." A Macintosh perfect excuse to go out and buy a Powerbook 5300cs, listed at $2699 in new computer! But where does she NQ TGREEN SITE the latest MacMall catalogue, will run look? What should she watch out OF T H E W EEK you over $3100 through the for? Bookstore, but a Power Mac 7200 Many of you Novo Collegians Happy Puppy Games Onramp listed at $1699 in the same MacMall may be in the same situation as Julie. can be had for just over $1500 You want to buy a computer (be it an through the Bookstore IBM clone or a Mac), but you The Happy Puppy archives are home to If you're willing to take a haven't the foggiest idea where to scores of goodies for the gaming enthusiast. chance, purchasing a computer look for one. Mac and IBM demo games and shareware, through the USF Bookstore could be Computer-seeking New hints, cheats, patchers, information--it's all worth a shot. College s tudents have basically three here. If you can't find what you want, then By the Way ... sources to buy from: retail outlets, it's probably not worth looking for. Happy Remember Julie? She eventually mail-order catalogues, and the USF Puppy is a very busy site, so if you can't get bought a computer, wrote her letter, Bookstore. Each has its advantages in, keep trying. sent it out, and won apologies from and disadvantages. L-----------------------------------------------------------------------' the newspapers and praise and respect Retail Outlets: The Art of Deception order is probably your best bet for purfrom her peers. (See? Computers can be The most direct (and sometimes the chasing computers; the prices are very used for good.) most appealing) place to buy computers is hard to beat, and you can almost always --Questions? Comments? Suggestions for through a retail outlet, such as CompUSA find what you want. The only real disad-.future articles? Drop a note in Box 594, or Office Depot. The advantage here is vantage here is that you'll most likely or E-mail the Mac Daddy at that if you find what you're looking for, have to wait a while to get your computer, then you get to take it home with you and as shipping often takes time, and if what set it up immediately. However, most of you want is out of stock, the time, they don't have what you want, you'll have to wait even and if they do, the prices are appalling. It longer Through my experican be tempting to just go ahead and get ence, the most reliable outthat Power Mac or that Presario, but let for ordering Mac stuff you'll probably be spending much more has been MacMall; their money than you should. Unless you feel prices are quite low, and like completely lightening your wallet, they're extremely good you should skip over the retail outlets and about getting your order out get your computer elsewhere. as soon as possible. However, if you do decide to brave If you don't mind the the retail tempest, here are a few tips. possibility of waiting, get Don't let salespeople p ush you around or your computer through 0 ff Buy U s e d Sell a -O.P. Trade I Rar e 1l \!)., '-4q ])owntown Sar

The Catalyst Nov. 28-Dec. 4, 1995 7 PRINCESS"SQUIDGV" GOES PUBLIC by James Reffell It's been a rough week for the royals-rough enough to devote a whole col umn to them. First came an expose, on the televi sion show Secret Lives, that the late Ed ward, Duke of Windsor (the Queen's un cle) was a Nazi sympathizer and potential plotter against the throne. The Duke had had many Nazi acquaintances during the early 30s, including one Adolf Hitler, and supposedly considered a Nazi victory over Britain as a route back to the thronewhich he had abdicated in order to marry as he wished. Then the Queen Mum ended up in the hospital for a hip problem, although she is recovering and doing quite bravely. The Queen Mum does everything bravely. And of course, the country is still reeling from the shock of Prince William's first school dance a few weeks ago, when it was revealed that the precocious 13 year old, nicknamed "Wombat" by his family, had been pursued by a line of female schoolmates approaching him for an illicit smooch or two. The Prince was, I am disappointed to relate, reportedly more than willing to participate. The blame was generally lev elled against his attackers, all women of a mature 15 or so, and the Prince has ac quired the reputation of having a weak ness for older women--one his father cer tainly shares. But all this pales to the events ear lier this week. It all started when the BBC aired on Monday night an hour-long inter view with Princess Di, in which she aban doned all coyness and 'fessed up to exactly what had been going on all this time. The rest of the Royal family was quite naturally in an uproar, although (of course) a quiet and dignified one. Prince Charles was reputedly furious that the show captured almost twice as many viewers-21 million total-than his two hour tell-all last year, in which he man aged to make his confession of adultery with Camilla Parker-Bowles sound utterly boring. The existence of the pre-recorded interview, conducted by Martin Bashir (no, not the doctor from Deep Space 9), had been revealed the week before-perfectly calculated to raise the anticipation, both public and tabloid, to a fever pitch. The Princess did not disappoint. Diana, described as "currently living alone," and looking more stylish and dig nified than ever, had quite a few bomb shells to lay upon her unsuspecting audi ence. She gave a harrowing tale of her post-natal depression, and subsequent bu limia and self-mutilation. She took no prisoners-her depression, she said, was caused by the stresses of her royal life, and was aided by knowledge of her hus band's infidelity and by his apathy toward her bulimia. About the latter she coldly stated that "Anyone who loves someone would be very concerned." Ouch. Take that, Charlie. When asked how she found out about Camilla, she credited her "women's intuition," and added that there were "three in the marriage, it was a bit crowd ed." She certainly got her own back, and willingly acknowledged her own liai son with former cavalry officer Jaime Hewlett-a far better catch than the frumpy Camilla. Bashir: Did the relationship go be yond a close friendship? Diana: Yes, it did, yes. Bashir: Were you unfaithful? Diana. Yes. I adored him. Yes, I was in love with him. But I was very let down. What let Diana down, of course, was that the dashing Hewlett turned out to be no more than a kiss-and-tell rat fink, willing to sell his story to the tabloids for a few quid. And what about the other rumors? Well, Di ad mitted that the embarrass ingly affectionate "Squidgy" tapes between her and James Gilbey, gleaned from a cel lular phone call by a nosy ham radio operator, were in deed authentic, but denied anything more than friend ship. Sure, Diana. I let all my close friends call me "Squidgy,'' too. After these revelations, or more ac curately, confirmations of previous ru mors, Di went on to say that she does not expect to become Queen, but wishes in stead to be the nation's "Queen of Hearts" and devote her time to good works. While the tabloids were split evenly between praising or denouncing the Princess and her plans, the public were eagerly converted to her cause. Not every body agreed of course-senior minister (and friend-of-Chuck) Nicholas had to be rebuked by the Prime Miruster for describing Di as being "in the ad vanced stages of paranoia." During all the hubbub, Diana con veniently left for Argentina on a mission of goodwill-described by some as "pulling an Evita ." The Argentines, initially suspicious of all things British, soon welcomed her with open arms. One news paper, having earlier run the headline 'The Adulteress Is Coming" did a full tum and called Di a "combination of Au drey Hepburn, Mother Teresa, and Shirley Temple." Now that's praise Again, there were a few sceptics: in a scene right out of The Princess Bride, one woman, whose son had died in the Falklands war, had to be restrained after approaching Di and calling her a "whore." At the end of the week, the Guardian's Edward Pilkington merely quoted a noted author's opinion: "I sup pose all the world is sitting in judgement of the Princess of Wales. Poor woman, I shall support her as long as I can, because she is a woman and I hate her husband." I agree heartily. And the author? Jane Austin, speaking in 1813.


8 The Catalyst Nov. 28-Dec. 4, 1995 PICK OF T HE WEEK: PIRA TES COVE by Rocky Swift This pick of the week has a bit more inside information than most be cause the pick in question-Pirates Cove-was in fact this writer's former place of employment. I went to the Cove recently with the Best Buddies contingent, and, aside from a few changes, Pirates Cove is still a really sleazy, poorly-man aged, pathetic excuse for entertainment. I worked at Pirates Cove during this past summer. Why is it called "Pirates Cove"? I don't know. I can't say that the ruthless rapscallions of the seas of yore were well known for their taste in wholesome family fun. The fact that I spell it "Pirates" instead of "Pirate's" is not a typo. One would think that the name im plies a plural possessive, i.e., the cove is owned by all the pirates; but even the highest echelons of Cove management could not explain this mystery. Pirates Cove is a veritable cornu copia of stupid, cheap amusements. There's a go-kart track (the cash cow of the Cove), batting cages, a miniature golf course, an arcade, and a newly added laser-tag arena. To give you an example of the so phistication of the employees, I shall re count to you a true tale from this summer. It was the afternoon of the Fourth of July, and the Cove had yet to get very busy. I had spent 15 minutes watching someone play Mortal Kombat 3, when my con science compelled me to find someone who would direct me towards actual work. Pirates Cove Family Fun Center 5410 14th Street West Bradenton, Florida 34207 755-4608 I found the rest of the employees (managers included) out by the miniature golf course. They were all chasing a lizard in the attempt to catch it, stuff a firecracker in its mouth, and celebrate American independence by blowing the poor crea ture up. The unfortunate reptile was lucky enough to perish during the capturing phase, but its corpse was promptly dese crated as the Cove employees carried on in the true spirit of American pride and blew it up anyway. As I stood and watched the beha ior of these Beaviswannabes, I was struck be a combination of amazement and disgust. It's sickening that 20-year-old men can entertain themselves by torturing a small animal. It's amazing to watch a lizard's body spontaneously fly in a zil lion pieces. I found myself laughing too. There's a snack-bar at Pirates Cove-

The Catalyst Nov. 28-Dec. 4, 1995 9 EDITORIAL: OLD SIGN'S HOME Signs are wonderful. Really. They tell you what's going on, keep you from getting run over by events, amuse, inform, and (most fun of all) annoy. They also multiply like coat-hangers in a dark closet. Signus novocollegium is such a long-lived species that overpopulation has become a distinct problem. Some variants, often found in the colony on the Ham Cen ter bulletin board, have been up since the beginning of last school year (longer than many students have man aged to stay here). Often, the poor signs are tattered and outdated. People get tired of sorting the old from the new and start ignoring all signs-wasting all the effort put into their creations, and depriving other students an important source of information. These ancient advertisements need to be put out of their misery. Everyone can help. H you're putting up so many signs that you can't take them all down yourself (as you probably need to be, if you're advertising), just put a little note saying it's ok to take the sign down after a certain date. That way people who would like to help, but don't want to rip down someone else's sign, can clear the walls without feeling guilty. H you see a sign that's obviously out-of-date (say, advertising a meeting for May 5, 1995), please, put the poor thing to rest in a recycling bin. The benefits of this program are many. Fewer signs mean that people pay more attention to the signs that are there. The walls look prettier, and tape doesn't bond permanently to the windows, doors, and tiles. And, of course, clearing out the old signs means that there is more room for new signs: more up-to-date information, more amusement, and (oh, rapture!) more sign wars. LETTERS TO THE EDITOR Why I Don't Like Doritos Well, frankly, they're gross. Look at them. Look at that blood red sheen glare of the sinister pounded flatness of the corn. The Nacho Cheesier Dorito Chip is obviously a Communist conspiracy, meant to strike deep into the hearts of our fair commercial culture! (Ex cept for the almighty Cooler Ranch Dorito Chip, however, with the proud colors of our country blazoned out in red, white, and blue with pride and patriotism. And, after all, President Ronald Reagan loves ranches, so that brand of chip must be or dained by heaven. ) In any case, the Red-40 that goes to make the Nacho Cheesier Dorito Chip the color that it is is made from dead beetles ground up into a fine powder. No joke. I don't recommend them for those who con sider themselves vegetarians. -Charles Choi One. more. issue. ldt! One. last chance. to share. opinion in The Write. to Box 75 or the. box outside. Barbara Be.rggre.n's office. Cannibal Profile Reinforces Patriarchy The profile of Cannibal in last week's issue was a disgrace. Why wasn't I on the cover of your little rag? Why? Because, your shameless promotion of the oppresive patriarchy here at New College is appalling. Your fluffy little yellow-jour nalism zine just isn't promoting the right ideals. We must learn to foster unity amongst ourselves so that we can rise against Cannibal and others like him neutering just isn't doing it anymore! -Menu Catalyst is Bad Litter Unfortunate it is that when walking across the Hamilton Center floor, looking for a good place to piss, I should find my litter to read "Profile: Captain Cannibal Scarflap I''. This is outrageous. This kind of preferential treatment only breeds hate, violence, and animosity in the otherwise peaceful valhalla that is New College. Besides, I own this school; everyone can see that. As for your "newspaper", I find that I no longer have a use for it anymore. Not matter how cushiony it feels to my hindquarters. -Sailor Contribution Guidelines Letter to The Editor: A reader's response to previous articles, let ters and/or editorials, or an opin ion that they want to share with the student body. Letters to the Editor should be no more than 250 words, and are not a forum for free advertising. Contribution: A factual article written by someone not on staff. Contributions should be informa tive and pertinent to the interests of New College students as a whole. Guest Column: A solicited opin ion piece. Guest columnists do not necessarily represent the views of the Catalyst, but rather opinions of which we feel the New College community should be made aware. Contributions may range in length from 250-500 words. All submissions should be received by 5:00PM Friday in order to appear in the following week's issue.


, 10 The Catalyst Nov. 28-Dec. 4, 1995 ANNOUNCEMENTS A concert featuring the New College Vocal Ensemble will take place on Monday, December 4 at 7:00PM in Sainer Auditorium. Other students of Johnny Mnich the Vocal Ensemble's director, will also be performing at the concert. Please attend! The New College Slavic Vocal Ensemble will have its first concert of the year Wednesday, November 29 at 8:00 P.M. ,in the Col lege Hall Music Room Come listen to songs about love and flax (practically the same thing!). Hey! Want a ride to the DC area (or somewhere along the way) for winter break? Or would you like a ride back from the afore mentioned location after ISP? Drop a note in box 190 or email fink@virtu Kate's car is aching for you! Want your evaluations sent to you during Winter Break? Ask your professors or check with the division offices for the current pro cedures Representat i ves from the Sarasota Community Blood Bank will be on cam pus, Wednesday November 29 1995. Blood will be collected from donors in Hamilton Center Fishbowl from 10:00 a.m .-6:00p.m. The housing staff will be conducting health and safety inspections during winter break. The Sailing Club bas organized a meeting on December 7 at 7 : 00 in the Fish bowl for anyone interested in racing on 20 35 foot sailboats There are 2-3 races per month at the Sarasota S a iling Squadron, as well as other races up and down the west coast of Florida and there are always boats in need of extra crew. Prior experience isn t neces sary-just an interest and a willingness to learn. David Brain will be giving a brief talk on racing and on being crew. He will also be taking names and phone numbers so that he can arrange places on boats for people who are still interested in giv i ng it a try, after he tells them about it and gives them a little briefing so that they will know what to expect. f August 29, 1997-7:43 am: Wayne Lorenzoski's coffee maker becomes self-aware. c '-Q) "'0 '-0 .0 l "E 0 (j C/) u Career Center Announcements Attention Humanities Majors: Have you ever wondered what graduate school is really like and whether you've got what it takes to attain a PhD? Then join Jennifer Herdt, Helen Rees, Amy Reid, Jocelyn Van Tuyl, Miriam Wallace, and other Humanities faculty members for a rap session on the realities of graduate school. This forum will be held on Thursday, November 30, 1995 at 7:15pm in Sudakoff 108B. Faculty members will share their graduate school experiences as well as dis cuss why to pursue an advanced degree, how to strengthen your application, how to finance your degree, and whether you flnd a job when you fin ish, among other things. Karen Patriarca from the Career Center will discuss both short and long term alternatives to graduate school. If you're thinking about graduate school in the humanities, this is one program you won't want to miss! New SCA/AMERICORPS Field Positions An ticipated: The SCA/Interior AmeriCorps prop gram represents a unique opportunity for members to gain professional field experience while provid ing national service. In Florida, members will serve at National Parks, National Wildlife Refuges, and other areas involved in the South Florida Everglades Ecosystem Project. Living al lowance ($3 825) and education award ($2,362.50) is provided. The 1995-96 Mensa Education & Research Foundation Scholarship Essay Contest: Awards are based on an essay of less than 550 words de scribing the applicants academic or career goal. General awards are unrestricted as to age, sex, gender, level of education or financial need. Dead line: January 5, 1996. For additional information on all of the above op portunities, stop in the Career Resource Center; PME-119.

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