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Captain Jack

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Material Information

Title:
Captain Jack
Alternate Title:
Captain Jack (No. 14)
Physical Description:
Newspaper
Creator:
New College of Florida
Publisher:
New College of Florida
Place of Publication:
Sarasota, Fla.
Creation Date:
February 23, 1970

Subjects

Subjects / Keywords:
History -- New College (Sarasota, Fla.)
Genre:
newspaper   ( sobekcm )
government publication (state, provincial, terriorial, dependent)   ( marcgt )
College student newspapers and periodicals
College publications
Spatial Coverage:
United States -- Florida -- Sarasota

Notes

General Note:
Four page issue of the student produced newspaper.
Source of Description:
This bibliographic record is available under the Creative Commons CC0 public domain dedication. The New College of Florida Libraries, as creator of this bibliographic record, has waived all rights to it worldwide under copyright law, including all related and neighboring rights, to the extent allowed by law.

Record Information

Source Institution:
New College of Florida
Holding Location:
New College of Florida
Rights Management:
Before photographing or publishing quotations or excerpts from any materials, permission must be obtained from the New College Archives, and the holder of the copyright, if not New College of Florida.
System ID:
NCF0001714:00013


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L BRARY "7.) / / /._.-_ .L-A/ ___ ------------------FEBRUARY v ., {/1/etd No. J4 liilillllllllllllltlfff Ill. I 1111 IIIIIIIIJI111118iliilillliililllli11iiiiiil 8Ui!l!!!UUiJ3ii!iii32i8iHiJij H!IJJiEI!i 3J!Ui!lii3HJI'!i!ii1il Guest Rule Showdown Ends In Stalemate COLLEGE COUNCIL TABLES MILLER'S PROPOSAL The expected showdown between SEC and Student Policy Office over guest extension privileges failed to come off at Tuesday's meeting of the College Council, though the issue was kicked around for the entirityo!the meeting. What was probably a record crowd of 23 students, 2 non-students and 2 administrators attended the gathering, as did eight of the nine Council members. The meeting began with a request from the New College radio station that they be allowed to tape the proceeding s The request was granted for all Council meetings with the exception of executive sessions. Dr. A. M. Miller opened the controversy by introducing a three-part proposal concerning guest extension privileges: 1) The basic content and time limits of the guest rule in the current Handbook be retained. 2 ) A guest's stay may be extended until the next SEC meeting by procedures listed in SEC minutes for 17 December, 19 69. 3) At any time during an extension, however, the SEC and the SPO must agree that the guest should continue to be granted extended stay; otherwise, the extension is not valid. If the SPO does not object, its approval is implied. Obviously, only the third provision involves any change in the present procedure--effectively, Miller was asking the College Council for veto power over any SEC extension of privileges. ObJections came thick and fast: any such action should have come before now, rather than simply allowing the SEC to make the decisions until they make an offensive the SEC has thus far acted responsibly in exercise of its powers in the matter; there should be more than one person with final say in the matter; if SPO demands final say, let them manage the whole thing rather than merely using the SEC for SPO busywork. Miller next pointed out that, as the situation now stands, his only recourse in cases where he knows the people to whom he must officially answer (administration, trustees)would obJect would be to ban pos-sibly dangerous or offensive persons from campus. It seems, Miller said, that there is a difference between someone's being undesirable to the point of banning them from the campus and merely not allowing them to live here. Effectively, Miher was asking for a semi-or mini-ban. Asked how often and under what circumstances a power such as he was asking for might be used, Miller said it would be only in "rare" cases, such as the possibility of known "soft drug users or pushers" or underage females--such persons who might be culturally acceptable to the students, but legally dangerous to the College. Many people should be welcome on campus, Miller said, but probably very few should actually be living here. It was suggested that the College Coun-cil might rule in the "rare" cas es where Miller might officially obJect to an SEC extension, but it was pointed out that the Council's purpose is more to deal in principle than in specific cases. Professor Hamilton then stated that he was unclear concerning Miller's objecting to the severity of the ban, suggesting that perhapsthebanpowershouldbe taken away from SPO. Miller, beginning to get paranoid, said that the ban power rests on his Judgment, "which is reliable, else I should be gotten rid of." The problem, simply, is that Miller would like some regulating power short of total ban, and the SEC is not prepared to give it to him, wishing any official information he might obtain to be brought before the SEC and left to their good JUdgment. This did not work, it should be noted, in the specifi-:: case which triggered the whole issue, where Miller's obJections (in executive session of the SEC) were not enough to convince students not to grant an extension. It seems to be a matter of whether the SEC is ready to accept Miller's judgrbent; it appears they are not. As discussion seemed nowhere near ap end, Miller moved to table the issue, which was done. PSYCHOlOGY WORKSHOP MARCH 1-2 Psychotherapist Dr. Ira Progoff will conduct a group workshop in depth psychology here March 1 and 2. Dr. Progoff of Dialogue House Associates, Inc. utilize; a psycholo gical workbook called the "Intensive Journal," designed to serve as the core of a personal program for participants. Not a confrontation group, the Intensive Journal workshop combines group experience with private work. Dr. Progoff is director of Dialogue House Associates, a founder of the American Association for Humanistic Psyc"hology, and director of the Institute for Research in Depth Psychoiogy of the Graduate School of Drew University, Madison, N. ). A lecturer and group leader, Dr. Progoff is the author of numerous books in the field of depth psychology, and conducts a private practice in psychotherapy in the New York area. The two-day workshop, for which a fee is required, will be held in the evenings in the Music Room of New College's West Campus under thlt auspices of Dialogue House. Deadline for the required advance registration and deposit is Feb. 25. Requests for information should be made to Mrs. Ann Morrill, Student Policy Office, New College, telephone 355-7131. Environmental Teach -In? Names of students interested in taking part in an April 22 nationwide teach-in on environmental problems are being sought by Furman C. Arthur in the Public Relations Office. More than 350 colleg es and universities and more than 200 high schools are planning to take part in the national campaign of environmental education. If there is a n y interest on the N e w College campus, Arthur has agreed to help stude nts in their efforts to attract attention within the local communities and to obtain community participation. He said that he already had written to a staff member of Environmental TeachIn, Inc. the national coordinating office, to o btain ideas and news from them. Environmental Teach-In is a group of graduate and professional students coordinating activities for the national campaign. Stephen Cotton, staff member of ETI, said that they hoped to generate programs before and after the April 22 date. He said the group also is seeking to work with community organizations and conservation groups, as well as with high school and college students. Arthur said that he feels that student participation in such an environmental program would benefit the college's community relations as well as being a public service. WHAT'S GOING ON f ................. ... ..... see page 2 PSYCHOLOGIST TO SPEAK Dr. EugeniaHanfmann, a clinical psychologist, will introduce herself to the New College community with a lecture describing her findings as a member of a Harvard research team that examined displaced Soviet citizens afterW orldWar II this Thursday night in Hamilton Center. One of two psychologists on the team, Dr. Hanfmann had the chance to participate in this breakthrough examination of a large number of people living within the otherwise closed Soviet system. Currently on sabbatical leave from Brandeis, Dr. Hanfmann has been vacationing in the Sarasota for several ye_ars now. She has m e t many New College faculty members, particularly Dr. Marian Hoppin, resident psychologist. Dr. David Smilie suggested that Dr. Hanfmann make a presentation to the College community. Born in Leningrad, Russia, Germaneducated, Dr. Hanfmann came to the United States in 1930. She accepted a position under Dr. Wilhelm Koffka of the gestaltschool of psychology at Smith College who left Germany because of the chaotic conditions. Having written one book chological Counseling in a Small CollegeL Dr. Hanfmann is currently in the middle of writing another. She is talking to interested New College students every Wednesday afternoon until the end of the term in Building "A: as part of her research. AsoloFAGIN TO OFFER DRAMA DISCUSSIONS The Asolo Theate r is offering special student rates for the curren t series of plays. Dr. N. Bryllion Fagin, forme r head o f the Drama department of the John H opkins U n i versity, has offered to meet with a grou p of students after each play to talk about the play and the production. Anyone interested in jOining a group should speak t o Dr. Borden immediately to make arrangements. Dining Change The evening meal of Sat urday, February 28 will be from 4:30 to 5:30 in order to allow sufficient time to rearrange furniture for the New Stage Benefit Performance to be held at 8 p m in Hamilton Center. baske9ball nigh9 That much-awaited rematch between the New College 69ers and Florida Tech takes place tomorrow night at 7:30 in the Sara sota High School gym. A bus for the fans will leave Hamilton Center at 7:00 p.m.

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2 Captain Jack 2 iliilliee aaaaieaeeeeaaaaaeeeeee;a ?iliilllllllllilll 1111111 IIIII llllliii!i!!2iii Who Are the Funny Men in the Fords ? Students have been concerned this past weekend about the ominous presence of suited gentlemen with sunglasses sitting noticeably around in identical Fords. When a group of students approached them Saturday evening, a barrage of Sarasota Police magically appeared, dispersing the group at once. It is rumored that they are State Beverage Agents, or worse. sec Rob Ma.Ue;t NC paranoia seems to be getting out of hand--these lads seem to be watching the airport rather than us. Advice from The SEC last Wednesday handled lots rou.tine business, though nothing of especial Import was brought up. Possibly the most noteworthy action involved the SEC's refusing to extend guest privileges in one case, because of several complaints from people living in the dorm involved. "It's not right," said Larry Reed, "if the people living there complain, for us to say it's all right for her to stay." The SEC is getting moral, and commendablr so. Miller & the Sarasota Police is to leave these guys alone-they're being cool; they're doin' their own thing; they're dangerous. BORRMAN CHALLENGES SEC Co-op chairman Frank Borrman was called from his poker game to the meeting to explain the still unrepaid Bread Board loantothe Co-op. BB member Swartz was concerned that Borrman continues to promise payment, thoughnone comes. Atthe meeting Borrman finally stopped promising. The Co-op has no money until its members pay their rent, he explained, and there is 'legally nothing the Bread Board can do to get their money. "If you want to sue, it will take you six years to bring it to court and l' m sure I can hire better lawyers than the SEC Bonman, who could buy us all. here are current y vacancie at t 1e Co-op, ii students would care to move there. BREAD BOARD The Bread Board appropriated $55 for the film makers, $50 for the Johnny Thomas DefellSe Fund, and $50 for SEC expenses. A request from the radio station for $503 was tabled, pending further investigation into the possibilities of an outside donor. The radio people are getting impatient. and fear that outside money would make the equipment property of the school rather than of the students, making the radio sta-tion subject to administrative censure. The SEC, however, preferred to wait two weeks in hopes of saving $500 of Bread Board money. COCKTAILS AT THE COPPER BAR cttte4 B""lt & StatlclletJI, 9nc. 1570 No. Lockwood Ridge Rd. "Complete Office Suppl.ies" 1184 No. 955-3446 Washington Blvd. ine domestic DID YOU KNOW THAT HAS Laundry & Dry Cleaning Service available with 10% discount? 1350 Main Street Sarasota, Florida 33577 Phone: 958-6577 FREE CATALOG "Headshop On Wheels" psychedelic delights, Jewelry, headgear galore P.O. Box 534 Philadelphia, Pa. 19105 1) 1525 STATE STREET Moccasins Boots Leather JacketsLevi's BeU Bottoms LETTER Dear Cap'n, Just to prove there is nothing unanimous on this campus, I would like to voice my opposition to the retention of Mr. Peter Frisch at ew College. First of all, I do think that a drama program would be a valuable asset to the school, and one should be implemented if it is financially reasonable. And when other departments and financial aid are being cut or serious!) overviewed, I don't think that drama should have anyspecial position. My maJOr obJection is to Mr. Frisch personally. For the ma1or part, let's JUSt say he can't please everybody. One instance in particular is enough to convey my feelings: during a performance at Florida Pres last term, Mr. frisch walked out, ta king a group of students with him. In the first place, this amounted to imposing his tastes and desires on the students (who evidently didn't mind). He also seemed to forget that one can learn from the mistakes of others. Also, when in the position of a critic, or someone other than JUSt a spectator, one has no right to walk out of a performance. In all, I would not call that an act of a mature person. Finally, I am one of those people who feel NC is overpopulated; any move that willlowerthesizeofthe student body without inJuring academic criteria would be highly appreciated. Gary Wright those paintings ... An exhibition of paintings by Richard Oxley is now on view at the Hamilton Center Galleries. The paintings will be on view during most daylight hours until March 6. Oxley, who is a graduate and former member of the teaching faculty of the Ringling School of Art, recently completed a mural at the SUN Center in Sarasota. Last year, Oxley had a one-mao show at Purdue University and during the last few years has had several one-man shows in New York City. The Sarasota artist has spent several periods out of the country, pa ioting in Europe during and in Mexico during 1965-66, --...=a.L_ He says that the writings of Marshall Mcluhan are now influencing his own painting philosophy. TRAFFIC FLOW Several impractical suggestions were mentioned for the problem of traffic flow on the main driveway on Palmer campus. Styles suggestion, it seems, is to one-way the traffic on this drive, presumably halving the road with a white line(?). No action is likely to be taken in this direction. OTHER REPORTS Other interesting facts reported include: 1) that profits from the washing machine go to the company that installed them. Profits are somewhat than estimated in Jon Lundell's letter to the Cap'n last week. 2) that the security walkie-talkies are mis sing. 3) that the proposed planting of trees on Palmer campus has somewhat fallen through, though Styles plans to buy pine seedlings at $1 per 100. Some picnic benches are to be installed, also. 4) that money lost in the vending machines will be refunded every Wednesday night. 5) that elections are going to be held as soon as the ballot box is found. 6) and that the Student Court has taken no action this week. "We've been shittin' around," Adomites reported. Editor-Rob Mallet Business & Ad Manager-Writers-Lee Harrison Mark Friedman Bob Beaird Lynwood Sawyer John Miller Dork Womack Photography-Charles Kinney Contributors this issueSMarsden Ken Orvis

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3 Captain Jack 3 !a212iii!ii!!iillii 2 i8i R3iiiiiiilil2iili888i23 9 j a :neeeasaa:e:aaazaseB3E Weekly Quiz This is a photograph: a. of the original "bad trip." b. of a scene from an opium dream of William Golding. c. that shouldn't have been run once, let alone twice. TS 'J I : JcH1SU\f ............................................................... GAWDAWFUl an' IRREVERENT -/$ BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATER Bookends was released around two years a?o. Really an excellent album, showing S1mon and Garfunkel's trend away from their early city-folk roots, towards a more instrumented, but softly so, style. The lyrics drifted away from existentialism or whatever it was towards a more human, less lofty, style. "America" was far and away the best song on the album, and it would seem that their new style should be in that vein. It is, and their new repertoire was first revealed in their Carnegie Hall concerts and television special. Now the have been put on an al bum, Bridge over Troubled Waters, a powerful record, but tranquilly so. It has easy-going and restoring effect, there seemmg to be powerful magic in the songs. Maybe the effect comes from the rhythm, more pronounced than on earlier albums or it could be the airiness that many of melodies have. Because it sticks fairly close to the ground, and the music stays away from somberness, the album probably will have a wider appeal than their earlier ones. The songs have even mauagc(' c tto 1 on people that earlier didn't care too much for the duo. Simon has played with a dangerous n D L e, orchestra and folk rock, but has succeeded admirably, each enhancing the other; the violins intruding io only one or tv.o spots. And this time for the first time, the studio musicians are listed on the back. "The Boxer," a portrait, considered by many to be the best thing the group has ever done, leads off the second side. After so much air-play, nothing could be added qjefkLindsey RECORD HOUSE Large Selection of Classics, Folk & Rock Ringlin6 Center Gulf Gate Mall to it, but is good to hear on the album. "Baby Driver, a bouncy number that was the flip side of "The Boxer." follows it. The song is somewhat similar to "Punky's Dilemma" lyrically, andpossibly is one of Simon's attempts to be proletarian. "Keep the Customer Satisfied" is another one of his attempts to be proletari ing farewell for this album. Another portrait, actually a vignette, and one of the best cuts on the album is "The Only Living Boy in New York. The lyrics are fairly contained, but emotional impact is tremendous. "H<11f the time yve're gone but we don't know where." Probably the best song on the album, now out as a single, is "Bridge Over Troubled Water," a number which seems to sum up the album; very relaxed and relaxing. W?en the hassles get too heavy and every thmg seems to be falling apart, it is a good song to listen to <1nd get your head together. "When you're down and out, when you're on 0e street, when evening falls so hard, I w1ll comfort you. I'll take your part. When darkness comes, and pain is all a like a bridge over troubled waters, I w1lllay me down." The whole album is probably very personal to people that really dig it, and fairly much unintelligible to those who don't. "Music hath charms to soothe the savage beast," and this record is a good example. Forbeastswhoaren'tsavage, but still can't pull themselves together, or are going through adrenalin toxemia this record is better than any drug or meditation, and almost as good as rapping. ALL ABOUT JAIL Well, and I guess it's Saturday or was until a little while ago, an I spent a lot of evening coffee shopping in the FISH bowl, and they had browni es that were really good banana bread ditto home brew donut holes to fill in the gaps a n some bakery stuff _;ust in case, all to cool down 175 cOffee and or hot water flavored with a tea keep, I never found the tea, to mix with sugar an dry powdered vegetable product as you saw fit, to OCCUPY your time while you wiggle yer ears in time to music comin outa guitars a fiddle flute banJo kazoo mandarin harmonicas an a pile of PEOPLE; an it was really great, really, an it lasted 4 hours, WHAT THE HELL FOR you say well I'll tell yuh when y' walk in JUSt about the time you've sorted out what's goin on from the aesthetically RANDOM setting of furniture/people this antisuave chick in a decent nonexposure suit panhandles you, "75 or what you can", and It seems some Newtown activist got borrowed by ] Edgar & his boys for breaking no law but the ultimate, "THOU SHALT NOT BUG THE ESTABLISHMENT" and he's been salted away in the local School of Criminalit) for a coupla years, pending trial the idea is to spring him prematurely as it were flunk him out seeing as he doesn't appreciate the honor partic'ly, all of which requires (bread) a coupla thou to start, where the coffee shop comes in (don't go to the bread, let the bread come to us), so suffering mainly from short order publicity they bagged maybe sixty people and the antisuave chick was heard, "154 to 12$, pretty good" which sounds pretty awful cause in a big crowd that'd average 45 but this is a small one, so call it (liberal} $1. SO, even a hundred bucks is nowhere fast; why "pretty good"? well this campus is the most nowhere place ever; when NOTHING happens everybod) runs out to watch, it's the world's biggest conglom of transient students, ''yeah I'm goin here but I dunno how long -or why ... '' "it's no good, it's ;ust better than an>where else and getting even two of them doing one thing at one time borders miracle; it's ''The only reason this place IS is the lies of Developement" and redneck/narc invasior are REALITY and I watched in fascination as each of us turned paranoid separatist zombie to some degree and it's PRETTY DAMNED GOOI for them to get bread any bread SO: how 'd you like to bust the rut? how'd you like to be a college instead of a bunch of misfits? (There's something our adm tn istration hasn't learned .. a college isn't a Florida campus, or nifty dorms, or craLed Portuguese $1. SO tiles, or a groovy little catalog full of unfulfilled promises, or an unprecedented <1bilit to grub bread from the local scene, or a f F oun ation record, or even individual brilliant achievements; it's PEOPLE damn it doing good things together ... ) So how'd you like to -not save a guy's life -JUSt keep him what he is, a free man and a potential leader, instead of a JUnkie leftover memory statistic with two years wasted? The only way you can buy freedom with bread is by giving it away so give some (ask a Pro;ect Real person; they'll tell you how) and give it as an entity a community a college, and it may wound like nowhere fast but compared to what we are now it's PRETTY DAMN GOOD cause we '11 have done something -creative to help create not something to point at and be proud but something to hold within our self as part of what we are a college and be free. ore T. ARMAND S KEY SARASOTA, FLORIDA

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4 Captain Jack 4 lllllllllllllllllllllllil!l 111111 !l!i!!!IBi!iiilii iiilll!iiaiii!!!lil!lillillli!OiiiiiiiE II 11131111111111 1111 II Preppy Challenge: Parables of Dr. Filth (EDITOR'S NOTE: SMarsden, who we all know from his walk in the woods, and some of us know from other writes that he has become editor of Liberation News Service and Review of the Press of the New Age. In his vast editing work, SMarsden has come across some stories from THE SEED in Chicago, "Parables of Dr. Filth," which he thinks are an aesthetic challenge to Dork's "Preppy Stories." Thus SMarsden has requested the Cap'n to run the Parables, to test reader reaction compared to that to Dork's stories. "You really know you're in," writes SMarsden, "when y?u're just an editor of a small school newspaper and the ed1tor of a famous International News Service sends you copy and pleads with you not to burn it. Must be an x-tra special small school newspaper." So, thanks to SMarsden and LNS & RP/NA, "Parables of Dr. Filth.") I. The Tree It was a beautiful Sunday morning. The sprawling fields shimmered in the May sunlight, shiny plastic dotted here and there with hundreds of merrily winking neon hot dog stands. Today was the big day. Everybody was coming, from all over the country, to see the tree. No civilian had ever seen a tree before, and the government had wisely kept the existence of this last one a carefully guarded secret until now. In the national interest, of course. It was the last tree anywhere, and they were understandably proud of it. From everywhere the people came, streaming over the crisp concrete highways, past America's fertile abundant fields of polished chromum, stain steel, and ceramic bathroom tile. What a thrilling, sight nature was! And all so perfectly clean and sterile! The crowd was enormous now--millions of parents, children, and old timers (a forty-year old to be seen) in their b_est plastic disposableS unda y outflts, munchmg contentedly on their synthetic hot dogs as they waiting in eager anticipation for the to open and this momentous achievement of modem science to be unveiled. It was the time. The hastily constructed grandstands were soon filled with anxious, excited throngs. And there it was. The tree! "So that's what they look like!" "What does it do?" "How does it do?" "How does it run? don't see any electric wires or nothin'. "Didn't they mention something about solar power? I bet the energy cells are hidden under that green stuff on top. "What's it made of, anyway? That doesn't look like any kind of plastic I've ever seen before! Suddenly, inexorably, an eerie chill. swept crowd. They began to shift uneasily in their seats. A dull murmur began to rise up and a few got up to leave, followed by a f.ew more, and then sudden! y everybody was racing madly for the exits! Trampling one another in their panic, theyscreamed, ''Thetree! Thetree! Save us from the tree!" Out of the chronitm 8'1-tes they streamed, out onto the asphalt beyond which their cars lay parked and waiting. They saw that the plastic and concrete were still there, they saw the hot dog stands still winking benignly in the receding sunlight. All had remained the same, and they saw that it was good, and they saw that it was clean, and in the depths of their hearts they felt gladness and peace restored once again. ---common filth 1 tro ea THEATRE u. s. 41 N. AT 33RD STREET Phone 355-9011 FILMS FROM AROUND THE WORLD Continuous from I pm Sidewalk Cafe complimentary Demi-Tasse II. Johnny's Amazing Discovery Even thoug h Johnny was only seven years old, everyone said he was real smart. "He's real smart," they said. So it was only natural that one morning whilewalkingthroughthewoods on his way toschool, Johnny happened to discover the curvature of the earth. Quickly he ran to school to tell all his friends about his amazing discovery. Golly gosherQ9nies,"' they exclaimed "you're real smart, J ohnny. Why don't you tell our teacher, Miss Bormann, about it?" Miss Bormann was one hundred and seventy five years old. She had been teaching in that school since she was twentyfive, without even going out for recess, so of course she knew everything there was to know. "Oh Miss Bormann, Miss Bormann!" cried Johnny as he came running into the classroom, "I JUSt discovered the curvature of the earth!" "Don'tbe silly kid," replied Miss Bormann, "everybody knows the earth is flat. And don't speak unless you're spoken to! How many times have I told you that?" "No, no, honest, Miss Bormann, I saw it myself, JUSt a little while ago. It even had a sign that said, 'Curvature of the Earth'! II MissBormann spat out her chewing tobacco. "You're real smart, aren't you, kid?" she asked. "That's what everybody says," replied Johnny. "Well, I'm one hundred and seventyfive years old and you're only seven, which means I've lived almost twice as long as you, so I should know better. "Why is that?" asked Johnny. "Experience is the best teacher. And I'm a teacher. And teachers know everything!" concluded Miss Bormann triumphantly. "But you're wrong, Miss Bor "How dare you contradict me, you little turd!" screamed Miss Bormann. I'm going to make you stand on your head in the comer for the rest of the day and write the national anthem one million times before you go home tonight! But for the benefit of the good students in the class, I'll prove that the world is flat!" And she called in Mrs. 0' Rourke, who was almost one thousand years old and who had been built in with the school when it was first constructed. "Mrs. O'Rourke," askedMissBormann, "is the world (hmph! ) round, or is it flat?" "W adya mean, Bertha, everyone knows that the world is flat. Look out da winder and ya kin see dat it's flat. 11 "But it can't be flat, Mrs. O'Rourke," blurted Johnny in his usual impetuous fashi o n. "I ust discovered the curvature of the earth today, so it must be round!'' Mrs. 01 Rourke dropped her cigar and blew a tremendous fart. "The impudence! The rudeness! Why, why--how dare you contradict a teacher? What do you know, anyway? You haven't lived as we have! We have experience on our side, not to mention God! 11 Just then, THE PRINCIPAL walked into the room. It was the first time he had left his office as far as anyone could remember, except Mrs. 0' Rourke, of course, who knew better. "He can'tfool me, for 1 know better, 11 grunted Mrs 01 R ourke smugl y. "What seems to be the trouble here?" "This little twerp here says that the w prld is round, MR. PRINCIPAL Did y o u ever hear such a ridiculous assertion in all your life?" asked Miss THE PRINCIPAL flew into a rage. Then he flew into some bookshelves. He would have flown out the window had not one of the kids shot him down with a paperclip. "Everybodyknowsthatthe earth is flat!" he bellowed. "It's in all the books! It's in the encyclopedia! Come, I'll show you." "But let me show you, said Johnny. "It's only about a half-mile from here. THE PRINCIPAL turned a flourescent purple and sulphurous fumes began to rise from beneath his shirt collar. Mrs. O'Rourke b egan to run in a circle, so fast that it was feared that she would tum into an enormous pat of butter. Miss Bormann had a grand mal epileptic fit and swallowed not only her tongue, but the entire bottom half of her face as well. "Take us to see it! '' they all screamed in unison. "Why should we go see it when we have books to prove that it's not there? We don't have anything. We can read it in the books! You can't ever believe anything you see anyway until been scientifically proven and put in a book. And the boo ks say that the earth is flat! "Then the books are wrong, concluded Johnny. Mrs. O'Rourke expired upon the spot, Miss Bormann had to be sent away for hydrotherapy, and THE PRINCIPAL had Johnny expelled from the school and turned over t o the penal authorities, who subsequently sentenced him to one hundred years in the electric chair. Nobody ever again had any silly notions about the world being round, MORAL: Don't follow leaders/Watch the parking meters. ---Common Filth UNQUOTABLE NEAR-QUOTES FROM THE QUOTABLE ... (from the minutes of the Administrative Staff Meeting, Feb ruary 10, 1970)---"(Dr. Elmendorf) also suggested that at a later meeting he would like to discuss some calendar changes with the idea of discovering whether there are ways to have a student body of 800 (a commitment he said inherent in negotiations with the Ford Foundation) but with only 500 on campus at any one time." FAI-OJS & N

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