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Blessed Relief

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Material Information

Title:
Blessed Relief
Alternate Title:
Blessed Relief (Volume #1, Edition #3)
Physical Description:
Newspaper
Creator:
New College of Florida
Publisher:
New College of Florida
Place of Publication:
Sarasota, Fla.
Creation Date:
September 30, 1978

Subjects

Subjects / Keywords:
History -- New College (Sarasota, Fla.)
Genre:
newspaper   ( sobekcm )
government publication (state, provincial, terriorial, dependent)   ( marcgt )
College student newspapers and periodicals
College publications
Spatial Coverage:
United States -- Florida -- Sarasota

Notes

General Note:
Ten page issue of the student produced newspaper.
Source of Description:
This bibliographic record is available under the Creative Commons CC0 public domain dedication. The New College of Florida Libraries, as creator of this bibliographic record, has waived all rights to it worldwide under copyright law, including all related and neighboring rights, to the extent allowed by law.

Record Information

Source Institution:
New College of Florida
Holding Location:
New College of Florida
Rights Management:
Before photographing or publishing quotations or excerpts from any materials, permission must be obtained from the New College Archives, and the holder of the copyright, if not New College of Florida.
System ID:
NCF0001712:00008


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THE WILL SURVIVE Your is holding us back from of being Honest respect is sorr.ething you lack and our ideas end up on the shelves by: Erin And .,.here are the songs about "spacious blue skies' and the great waves of grain," They now are replaced ,.ith factories of high rise and from the sky falls a laden rain The ...-ars, the economy, and "ometil"es the races conflicts and hatred abound, our generation gets in the high pldces only love and ...-orld peace ...-ill surround And I want you to }cno" that we' 11 ne'>er forget the things that you did for yourselves, Like Vietnam, Nixon, and the supersonic jet but the young will sun i ve by thernsel ves KILL THE YOl:"'NG Si:RVI\"E? Ten ytars 2go there this A cream simple and oure Of saving the world peace and love But that vision is rather obscure lr.stead ...-e have turned into ourselves No longer do we gather as peers To tell the establishment to do with their lies So we sit on our ass and beer guess it is .,..i th goo C. reason too. e kno.,.. we never change their heads I, my fn.end, "'ill sur\ive on my own I 11 get an M.B A. instead. Anonomou" Re!Jly.

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EDITORIAL to Issue No. 3. :."l the ,ast -.'< I have reoeh-ed a let of off-hand and criticism !:'E'Sa:""'._i_ "".; :ny eei arrl ;>lblicatiading. It is true that I do not want this poolicaticn to be dc:;r.inated by disrussicn of varial.S caq;us policies and probl..el'-s. 11cwe .-er, I 1!11\ dCt:Ually quite glad to annoonce that the S.E.C. has finallv assilr.ilat;ej its :roie ir. Blessee Felief as a public f= for student <]OVf!IMent. devel!J{JT'ents. As for the d'laracter assassinaticn ard libel buffs .. no crave abuse, here's sore abl!SE! the hell is the antte.r with you t:>.o.rl.at you could qo use it to rrop up your beer and your as."s znd the c:;rea.se fran your ran.'< dJg :reat bur<;ers. What's the rre.tte.r with !':t:.h? I rrean this is your pcb!.icat:.=.! I or.ly ore getti.ng r.a,E-:-ic c:redit for it but have to read the sen of a bitch, even if you do hi!.... to break tl1e bona.,e and any one of the many table tops in our caeteria! 'Ihe polllt is, you studenc.s O<.ot there in !ee.Ce.rs ::...en..i are not suh;-..it::.ing er.cugh for "" to put together the sort of pU:>licaticn I looO.l.ld like to see here at l':e;; COllege. rClk at this week's list of ccnLri.butors. Pitiful? I thirlk so. Let's run doo.n the list toget."er. Steve and Olarles are ga.i.n.i.n; a reputation as reqular fralt oover artists an:! back =-....r car""..oonist, Qx:d. Gary and are both forner rocmnates of rni..n? "no have in tteir ooncibutions from over a thousand miles fo'.ichael is an alu:nus and a staff aae.r ..00 Har.k. is God knOW'S not e-.-en Y.na..'ing he has ocntributed I had Lloyd X. 's story in my hands lcng before isst.e was p>t to<;e!:her so that 1-o.a..tdly counts as a recent student Slbrrission. I've alreddy c:oavcnded John and h.is S.E.C., so that lea ... -es Eri.nn, Dcug and .;>.nonynocs. !\11 three new studcr.ts, but lot a ve .. "} i..rq;ressive sho...-ing for the or so !l.C. students ..to either lh-e on or fre<;"er.t t.>us carpus. loilat should I do? I've of my way to wrench anything two d.i.lrensiooal. out of sare of the ates of )IQ.l ""'l.orn I kno<.r to be talenta;i. But what of the rest of ycu? I'm sure if all of )IQ.l, tbe "five hl.%ldred" (barring those of you ... no are never seen by the rest of us and probably never read this sort of ;>aper an}'Way) S\btitted one item per te= to a st..rent publication, the r:atl'.cmatical possibilities 1oCJU.l.d be astounding fur the and variety in sttx:lent r\11 papers and magazines at our beloved school. Conduct an intervi.,..... Subr..i.t an letter you might have received. Ptltooopy your friend's face. Let tre Jcro.r you exist! '!he F.Gitor Box 1520 Thanks to contributors: Steven OaVerne Charles Treac!.ell Gary Be::-kc ... itz Davie! Smolin Michael Armstrong Hank courtesy of Mickey Strange Llovd X. Joh;; Biggers Erinn Kenny Anonyr.:ous Douglas Sedgwick Greg Vickers, editor ANNOUNCEMENTS ETC. Performing soon at New College: The Rancid City Comedy group. coffee House: Musicians and listeners alike are invited to loosen up Saturday night in the Fishbowl. Preliminary sailing lessons will be gJ.ven (FR.E:E, of course) Saturday at eleven in the Fishbowl. Radio Station Update: All the stuff is ordered! Allow a couple of weeks for delivery. We're excited too. Aluminum is not trash and should be placed in the receptacle labeled "Recycle cans. Carol says finish your beer before chuck the Softballers of all origins, sexes or species are asked to congregate in front of the Library at 2:00 p.m. Saturday. 3

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-cneAR MS T RO NG-THOMAS S'--:-e r, 1978 The following lette,-s in Hank Thomas' Hank ThoGas was the forQer Re5:...dent Inst.ructor. After a bout with his KO on tna fifth left College and left for cleveland to :ecuperate and burn rivers. Things .. ere ;;>re<:ty s tow over so slow, in they used molasses in the glass. To combat rampant Misters Thomas and summer Thing, and now Head Hor.=ho at the front desk-amusing little notes to from each other. The fo:lowing are some of these no=es. None of them are true. The'{ are all lies. But you wo:: t believe me anyway. --Mickey Strange ) late in the rerun season [ knew it would happen. I've typecast. Everywhere I go, think I'm an articulate, sk:lled actor who went to Yale School. Actually, I'm an arroqant, rude hood. I'm glad we cleared all that up, Henry Winkler her eyes grew large as she stared at what was before her. god,' she whiMpered, 'It's so 3IG: 'That s nght, baby," I sneered at her, 'And it's all for your. ne .-.5 Respectfully, Clifford Irving, I'm back tn the ne'"""S again The whole th1ng LS very I've got to tell somebody. Today at lucnh, instead of to eat, I de=ided to go to DeSoto Mall buy a few things to fix ca:. I parked outside Mass and went in through there made way to the mall. As I =eached the mall entrance, just afcer I walked out of Mass Bros., tr.is old, greasy man saw me and sc:eamed,"Pauly, you've gotta help me! I tried to act as if he Mas talking to someone else, so I kept walking. But the comes running up after me and ttme grabs my arm and spins and yells right in my face, ''C-od, Pauly, you can't let them me: By this time everybody a hundred is looking ar.1, believe me, I'm getting a b1 uncor.1fortable. 1 tried to eye contact with somebody to help me, but nobody even came fact, they moved away. threw the guy's grubby paw o.= my arm and started to walk a little faster this time; fact is, I started running. I could get 20 feet from guy he runs me down and me! In the middle of a g
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":'o: Hank Tw:ms Prom: Raymond "Sky" King :o_;:: Food Cervix Rank, I just thought I'd take a few to clear up some problems you and feople might have with the new 1:2.ndatory food plan at the Sarasota USF Campus. First, students will be sold $250 worth of food coupons. These are like food stamps, except you can only use_them at Life food stamps, they w1ll be to the usual graft, corruption, petty thievery. welfare =others lined up the dar.n aut no students will benefit, of course. Why should they? you think we are, a student Come on. 1second, the food coupons will be grafted each students thighs to insure proper security. Frankly, you can't trust these Who knows what they might do vi th the damn coupons? Use them for paper? (Although, on second they might just as well use the !ood for that). Each book of coupons vill be numbered according to the !ollowing system: SlO coupons -tJ4567890-34567890 S25 coupons --14567455667-99860798 SlOO coupons and the daily double 1666-999 will insure proper accounting of coupons. to insure that only buyers of the coupons will use the coupons, the above numbers will be tatooed to their eyelids, space being available. In addition, a SAGA security card and cor.puter punch tape will be issued to each holder. Also, SAGA will be arned with rifles at everv ent=ance to the an added security measure, every couoon bearer will be force-fed radioactive pills that will limit access to them, and to them only, into the servicing area. Our office considers these measures fair and considerate, and anybody who disagrees can shove it up their ass. We are in this business for and money only, and all ot.ht!r considerations (student well-being, aesthetics, etc.) are completely irreleva!'l.t. I hope this up any problems. Feel free to call me with any questions. hours are from 5 p.m. to midnight. Sincerely, Sky King t Four o'clock Life's a crock Coroporal LeBeaux, the trash in the yards ... Frankly, I find it disgusting. Do you have to feed that fat guarc suzettes (or whatever you call therr.J in our volleyball court? I mean, couldn't you give him a shovel or sonething? Listen, you fucking frog, if you don't shape up, I'm gonna have you trans(ered to FANATASY six seasons from now. Or maybe, just maybe, I'll doom you to a life of made for TV movies. I'm serious. I don't care if you are the best damn French cook in occupied France. I'm sick and tired of this lousy war, sicked and tired of this o=ison camp, I'm sick and tired of stupid TV and ro !ucking and tired of you, you little twerp. Mac as Man colonel Hogan P.S. If vou want to disccss this further, talk to me in my hotel room in Las Vegas. B=ing your own bludgeon. sorne...-here in Peru Herb, I am well aware that you helped start a whole revolution. Sure, you were responsible for jazz, rock and roll, Woodstock, and the hippies. Big deal. What's SQ great about altering time and space? Even Jim Beam can do that. Face it, you're washed up. Hell, when even rednecks, for god's sake, start doing you, you have to admit all the thrill is gone. I hate to be the one to tell you all of this, but what the hell, has to do it. It might as well be your biggest competitor. After all, I'm expensive, classy, highly illegal, easily transportable, leave no incriminating odor, and sexier, to boot. Face it: you can't even come close to the things I do. Do you have fans like Linda Ronstadt, Keith Moon, Greg Allman, or Peter Bourne? Of course not; you have to settle for Country Joe McDonald, the Grateful Dead, and most of Northern California. Big deal. Does Wilson write about you at Stcdio 54? but !"m there eve.r.f eve:ting. it, =erb, you're too too bouroeous. I'm the cool one now. -Regrets, Bernice late in the day Eave you ever wondered why has value? It's because of climate and soil it's grown in. l>.lways thinking, Don Ameche very late morning thought never occured to me. I the principle applies to iu.-? Horence, Tastefully yours, Lawrence Welch's Grape Juice You're wondering why I called you here today. Well, I tried calling :;ou here ton;orrow, but it just didn't seem to work. Maybe next tine? Regrets, Dr. Set:ss The Most Michael Armstrong (Ding-dong the Pope is dead) Department of Wisdom never put fingers whe=e you wouldn't put your face. Arlieu, Otto 5

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----r--- JOHN SWANSON 4CJP 1 % Jst(of250)inco. ANGELO EGUIZABALJEGU DOUGCARROL4MTH BENMOELLERSHTY OONNASCHOENECKER4CHS 1st (of 60) in PL T 2nd (of 60) in PL T 4th (of 60) in PL T lst (of 3 ,000) at Ft. Bragg GUY BORGESON 41NT 2nd ( of 60) i n P L T WI NERS OF THE TOP HONORS AT THE 1978 ROTC ADVANCED CAMP LEARN: Rappelling, Survival Skils, Adventure Trailing, Leadersh" and Management, Tactics SPECIAL PROGRAMS: Juniors, Seniors, Grad Students, Veterans KEN NISSEN 4SOC 1st (of60) in PL T 6 TAMPA CAMPUS Maj. Stu Het 1 itgton Er.yilwering Ibn. 007 974 4065/4209 SCHOLARSHIPS: 1, 2, and 3 year based on merit CALL OR VISIT: BAYBORO LTC Demis Hodson Bldg. 8, Rm. 230 193-9517 KAREN CARROLL4ACC Jrd (of 60) In Pl T FARMYROTC JOIN THE 1%

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Even Dwarfs Started Small Produced. Otrected and Wrrtten by Werner Herzog West Germany, 1968, 8/W, 16mmand35mm, German wtth English Subntles, 96 minutes. CANNES FILM FESTIVAL. NEW YORK FILM FESTIVAL. LONDON FILM FESTIVAL. EDINBURGH FILM FESTIVAL. SYNOPSIS: Werner Herzog, winner of the 1975 Grand Pnze-Cannes Film Festival, for h1s film KASPAR HAUSAR, is Germany's most Important young director. Often compared to Tod Browning's FREAKS, DWARFS is more uncompromising, relentless, cruel and funny. The director of the reformatory has gone: the deputy barricades h1mself 1n his off1ce w1th the revolt nngleader as a hostage; as the day goes on. the inmates turn more chaot1c and destructive. The deputy becomes more the traditional liberal pleading tor reasonable behav1or. The two smallest and meekest are practical-joked into the director's bedroom to "have a go at it"; the blind dwarfs standing for the status quo. are tormented out of a Peaceful Life by the others. The Institution car IS set in motion to drive in a continuous circle. furniture is smashed, the deputy is bombarded with stones and live hens and the dwarfs finally march 1n a procession through smok1ng flower pots ("the flowers are in bloom.let's burn them"). holding aloft a pet monkey tied to a cross DWARFS is a real discovery and with Herzog's new prom1nence. it will probably receive the attention that it deserves Saturdo."J Iser-t : \1,:oo l 0<-t 11 \ : CRITICS' COMMENTS: "Laughter .. an insistent motif of engulfs the audience in Herzog's hornfy1ng v1ston of humanity ... The product of a vigorous imagination. -LA. Free Press "One of the most genuinely disturbing films ever made." -Richard Roud, The Guardian "Wildly funny and obscenely terrifying." -London International Film Festival "Bizarre and mind-numbing genius." --{;efmis, Newsday "Grotesquely. obscenely tunny, and confirming the extraordinary visual flair that Herzog revealed in LEBENSZEICHEN. EVEN DWARFS START ED SMALL is a true parable for our times." -Tom Milfl6, Monthly Film Bulletin POEMS FROM tht S T R U GQ .. Crardma and the:r fixd on nal: like Billv Graham. r" sow cactus seeds ar.O: in tne soft sands. A luliaoy plungbg d";,P until r awak<>n wet an::! cold and tired upon a of silane". ALTER AT ONS Douglass Sedgwick Bis left hand held the railing His riaht hung weighted and limp A stood before him And paused to think ':'he sc.:t.ened cC:!:.ent haC shlr. .-:ered left hand sought support Soliditv had greeted the firgers stopped short The were to l0wer The "'ere cl=sy and loud ''as seeking his The light beyond the clouds His richt !'.and held the C\'linde.::s of le!t w.a st:teking tl":e l":2nd.le 7he his Tt.e hirr easily And hac sought the bed cylinders his dreams entered h1s head 7

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THE FIRST EDWiN STORY by Lloyd X. It was a beautiful day on the small town's beach. There was a group of little girls and one of the girls' mothers on a blanket sitting in a circle around a birthday cake with gifts and beach toys surrounding them. There was a volley ball game being played by a curious mixture of clad longhaired kids, some working class middle aged rren with Bermuda shorts and plain white T-shirts and their wives who wore curlers and the sort of bathing suits you would expect to see on thirty-five year old lower middle class wott .en. A young couple was sitting a comfortable distance away from the little girls and the volleyball game, sipping red wine and a joint, taking in the sounds, sights and smells of them selves, the beach and its inhabitants. From the standpoint of the young couple, everything looked right in place except for the condominiuns about a the shore and the disconcerting of Edwin slowly and aimlessly along the edge of water. They yet see Edwin's facial expression, but his clothing and his lethargic gait were not characteristic of a weekend beach-goer. Gestur1n9 in Edwin's direction the young lady said to her lover: "That man over there looks like some sort of zombie." Putting down his glass of wine and shading his eyes from the sun, the boyfriend replied: "So he's walking tired or something. r don't know how you thing about funny, big deal. He's probably hungover or really Besides, he's a good hundred yards away from us. could possibly see him well enough to say such a The seabirds which had been making quite a racket or. the beach had become silent and most of them had !lown away. The relative silence was broken by the piercing cry of one of the little girls who had gotten a nose full of salt water. The left the rest of the children and ran towards the water to see what was the matter with the crying youngster. After consoling the child she looked down the beach and caught her first glimpse of Edwin. She hesitated for a moment, then scooped up the girl in her and hurried back to the blanket, where she herded the rest of the girls into a tight circle. "Did you see that"? said the young lady just looked up at the strange man like she had seen a ghost. I bothers me. lady to her boyfriend. "That and ran back to the group of don't like this, Dan. That guy Edwin had gotten a lot closer to the couple. Dan squinted to get a better look at him. He wore baggy blue jeans, a red and black flannel shirt, buttoned at the neck and sleeves, and heavy work boots. His face was expressionless and the sun reflecting off his glasses with thick black plastic rims obscured his eyes from the view of the couple. "He does look odd, I guess, but he to be minding his own business, muttered Dan as the volleiball rolled towards the water, right past Edwin's feet. One of the redneck volleyball players was running to retrieve the ball when Edwin stepped between him and the ball and stood silently still. The man halted abrubtly and his mouth dropped open as he stared back at Edwin. The two stood facing each other without exchanging a word for an uncomfortably long time. Edwin finally broke the trance by looking away starting out slowly on his way up the beach. After Edwin had taken four or five steps the man shook his head in disbelief, grabbed the hall and trotted back towards the net. "That's twice that man has gotten a reaction like that! the girl whispered to her boyfriend. "I think we should move further hack on the beach before he walks right in front of us. "Now you're being ridiculous, Linda," said the boyfriend. He glanced over at Edwin again, this time noticing his dirty thin wisps of hair blowing in the wind. Jutting out of his unshaven face was a tattered unlit cigar. At his present rate of speed, taking into account the crooked ness of his path and his slow sta.n:mering walk, Dan calculated that Edwin would pass about ten in front of him in approximately sixty seconds. Linda was tugging at his shoulder motioning towards a "safer" spot further up on the berm. "C'mon, babe, what do you think he's going to do to us"? Dan asked rhetorically. "He's r.ot very big and he looks rather old and sickly. Besides, I'd sort of like to see what's so strange about him. "The hell with your curiosity, I'm scared!" she retorted. "I think that guy is a some sort of weirdo, and I'm not going to calmly sit here while he and my boyfriend check each other out!" So saying, Linda grabbed her hat and a towel, and ran about twenty-five steps away from Dan, where she spread out her towel under a pine tree where the sand met the She sat down and looked towards her boyfriend who was sitting star1ng at the approaching Edwin. The inevitable confrontation ensued. The stare. Two incuisitive blank faces. But then sorr.ething unexpected happened. Linda "could see that Dan and the mysterious stzar.ger were conversing. Now she became very curious but her fear kept her from rejoining her boyfriend .. She watched intentlv, as she tried to imagine what they could be about. At last the man-waved gooc-bye to Dan and resumed walking with the same lazy, rhythmic limp along the shoreline. Linda ran back to her boyfriend and sat down beside him, not know1ng what she should ask first. Her mind went blank for an instant as she noticed the bewildered expression on Dan's face. Then she spoke: "So who was that guy"? "I don't know, answered Dan. "I mean, he my name was Dan and your name was Linda and, somehow, I knew without asking that his naree was Edwin ... but I swear I'd never seen his face or heard his voice before in my life!" Dan's voice was soft and seemed to Linda to be from a stranger. Dan's voice had always been confident, and re-assurlng to her in the past but now it had a confusing far away tone. "You're kidding, aren't you? demanded Linda. "You can't be serious, I just don't believe it. "I know it's crazy but it's true, replied Dan, "How could I even make up something like that?" f t "What were his eyes like? The lady with the l1ttle ?lrl and.the a guy in the white T-shirt to react strangely to eyes. k "Yeah, Dan paused for a while. "His glasses were k1nd of th7c so I couldn't tell for sure, but r think his eyes were all black. L;ke s J one big pupil without any iris. And they were small, lik7 a molea: But strangest of all, they didn't seem to focus on me ... llke_he w I through me instead of at me. It was spooky; like he trylng to \ hypnotise me. "wnat did he say? How did he know our names? What did he say about

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"l'hat's the craziest part. He J.:ne., so much Like he said l shouldn't be drinking because I might end up becoming an alchonolic llke my And then he said I should be careful about being in the sun l might get SIUl-poisoning like my sister did last s=er. He said J start my hip more or it could go out again ,_.hen J get older! It was uncanny and .. ," Dan paused briefly again, then continued nusly: .. "o:r.eho.,. I suddenly all about hirr and his personal hJstory too! 1t was amt>zing! l!is ago;. his friends; his successes, his rr.istakes, even h1s memor1es flashed through my head as if tt.ey "ere my own l Go1ng by what he said he had to be seeing just as much of me as I did of him. WE' \.ere 1 ike t\>lo open books staring at each other! You must think I'm just really stoned or something, but this ,..as very real. Too real, in fact. Let's go home. "Jio, wait a minute." Linda stopped Dan from standing up. "What did he say <>bout me"? I ... I really don't want to talk about it, Dan ans\>lered. "Besides he didn't say anything about you. "Wait a minute again," interrupted Linda, "I thought you said he knew my name. He must have said something about me. "No, you see, it wasn't that he said it; J could just see that he knew it. He kne.,. everything about me and I everything about for a minute there! C'mon let's get outta here. "Wait a minute," responded Linea, realizing she was probably asking boyfriend to "wait a minute" more she ought to. "You're not telling me something ... I can tell. Sornett.ing important. "Of course I'm not telling you something! I'm not telling you suite a things!" snapped Dan. "l already told you I just saw that man's entire life! I could never tell you all that l saw. Please, let's just go. l feel strange. Dan i'nc l.inoa grabbed their possessions, got up and started .,-alking towards their car. Linda looked at Dan throuohout the walk. The sea birds ere chatttring again and a steady murmur cf voices came from the direction of thebirthday party and the volleyball game. Linda didn't any sou.ads c.s ccze.a !le:: She haC known Dan a long and had seen him his most pensive moods, but she had never seen look quite like he did no.,.. Somehow, he was almost a the Dan &he knew before he had crossed paths with the stranger the mole-like eyes behind the thick glasses. She turned around and looked up the beach. She could see the silhouetted figure of Ed .... in, along the water's edge with that now farr.iliar peculiar of his. S.EC. Tt.e new StuJo!nt l::xecut.lve Committee of New College convened itS fHt Wednesday night. select.ed by the Body as Canpus Council were: (lst year) Chris Ham1lcon, (2nd year) Janice 8r;xla. (Jrd year) Pete Tepley. The SEC selected Larry Lewack and Joe '!elntck as its to the Faculty Status Comrnittee. Budget procedure for t.he year was announced, and 1s posted in Ham ilton Center. In brief, all budget requests submitted in wr1t1ng tv Box l by 5:00 PM Friday the 29th w1ll be considered by the SEC for A&S or other fund1ng th1 s term. Requests for annual allocations Wlll be cor\sldered as a group, and allocatlons for fundln':J on a term by term basis will be cons1dered after tile annual allocatlons are completed. f'ollow1ng the set.tlng of procedure, the SEC heard trom the following groups: N.C. f'llm conunittee. N.C. Fllm Gta!d, The New College f'ln-> Arts councll. (incorporating: Academ.tc Fllms, Madngals, an.:! Dance) Boseball Team. S.tuna, The Gilliam Johnstor: Mo.rnor1al Anteatlng Aardvark Chorus (a ser1ous proposal. come and see on wed nesday), WNCR rad1o. Ken for the Mad As Hell band, Matt Brown, eggy and Sam for the Ralph Ellison fllck. Greg for this magaz 1ne's typlsts, Sotterfleld for Drama, Chenoweth for Ganililing (of the fu1d-ra1s1ng sort), soccer, some Marx1st organization which, even a!ter a speech by nobel Herr Heinrich Smyth was Ken OXFORD SURVIVAL GU\DE by Gary Berkowitz Gary, more commonly known to his New College friends as "witz or "You Obnoxious Asshole" is currently taking an off-campus study term at Oxford he is in a Medieval and Renaissance studies program. The Average American will qu)ckly expire in Oxford. or anywhere in England, for that matter, unless he himself with local conditions. If you find yourself suddenly over here, this guide will pro"fo invaluable. AfLer reading it you see the foolhardiness of visiting England. 1. College Life: At several Oxford colleges, (Not Wycliffe, where I am, though) the dorms are surrounded by high walls. There is an early curfew, and students who don't it back have to knock at the medieval door, a will let them in--but only to have to report to the principal, who will heavily fine said students. To keep late students and women out, the tops of the walls have horizontal bars with long that rotate. A person trying to grab the bars will be impaled or if he is lucky, dropped 12 feet on his ass in the street. Incidentally many colleges still require students to wear 13th century academic gowns to class. 2. Local Customs: Besides S & M sex, the more sensible pastimes include tea and punting. Tea is had at tea shops, usually with pastry. Harrod's,for example, has a tea shop with more food than I've ever seen, all served on silver. Punting is poling down a river on a flat bottomed boat. On a recent punting trip up the Cherwell River we drifted by a nudist colony, the "Parson's Pleasure for men. The girls in our boat nearly died. All the men were in their 40s and fairly gross. Punting is fun, though. Pubs, of course, are nice too. Everything in England closes real early. 3. Local Exoressions: Be careful here. If someone offers to "knock you up" they only want to wake you up by corring over to visit you the next day. If SO!l'eone asks if you're "getting a good screw they want to kno.,, if you're making a gcod salary. Lastly, if you're in a restaurant and soi"eone o!fers "May I blo.,. you"?1 no matter how ugly, let him. Ee only wants to pick up the check. 4. Survival: Brine lots of SPAH. Also lots of blankets. Stayino in the States is also advisable. se<.. Holloway aga1n for a theatre product1on at vanwezel, (also a potential money-maker). A MeA Miller and New Collage Bill Brown and the RA's for bucks to fund on-campus student Bob Llncoln to buy the Chairman a gavel and a block of wood (But the chair was vsited by a specter of General Robert). Hamilton Center clean-up folks, H. C. receptionist folks, t.he Yoga grouptes, the noble Camping and Trail Association, J1m for a new TV antenna for the H. C. TV set, Carol for the recycl1n9 people. and last but by no medns (and d0n't you forget it, you son of a bitch,)the able and tmpressive, (although ton1ght, dissapo1nungly placid) Dr. M. Mudge, tor a service awards precedent, in order that the SEC realtze thetc actual position of power 1n terms of those who defend us from the green meanie& and VD. All allocation requests are due by Friday PM, and the SEC w1ll consider them 1n executtve session on the following day. The
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